Lessons Learned

Deryl says.......It has been a full week since I last blogged. It is disappointing because I would like to blog at least twice a week. But life can get in the way of what you want to do. Which is a great lesson I have learned this week. That life isn't just going to give you everything you want without you giving something back. You can wish for something to be so but for it to actually come into being you have to have an intention backed with a plan.
My daughter Heather was a great example of that this past week. She went to church camp, which is out of the ordinary for her. She typically doesn't like crowds and she doesn't like to be away from her mother right now. But she went and it was life changing for her. She came back with so much energy and passion. She intended to have a good time and to learn and she did exactly that. She came back a different person than she was.
Heather has been quite shy for awhile now but she wasn't always that way. When she was little she was a lot like her mother in that she felt her emotions deeply. If she was happy she was the happiest girl in the world. But if she was angry she was so over the top angry that it was difficult to deal with. She had these major temper tantrums that we tried to get her to stop having. So much so that I think at some point we made her feel as if she could not be herself or that her true self was bad. I am not saying we were bad parents. We were doing the best we could at the time and we wanted to do what was best but in retrospect I think we squelched the passion right out of her. Heather agrees with me because we have talked about it. She remembers being confident and able to talk to anyone and wishes she was more like that today. Well, she is closer to that now than before camp.
I think we all need to be a more like little children in some ways. Jesus said we must become like little children to enter the kingdom of God. Little children are authentic with their emotions. They have absolute faith in their beliefs even if they don't know why. They tell you what they want and don't leave you guessing. They believe anything is possible. Then as they grow up  parents, teachers, pastors, etc. teach them they need to be more realistic about life. That they cannot possibly do everything that they want.
I remember once someone asking a little girl what she wanted to be when she grew up. The little girl said she wanted to be a veterinarian and the president. As grown ups we think it is really cute and tell her she can be whatever she wants. But the older she gets we may begin to tell her she should focus on one thing because it is unrealistic that she would be able to do both. Then we night encourage her to be a veterinarian because that is a more realistic goal. I mean there has never been a woman president before. But what if someone had said something similar to Barack Obama. Regardless of your political viewpoint the fact that he was elected is a major milestone in American history because he is the first African-American president ever elected. Now that he has done it people we believe it can be done again. But I say why couldn't this little girl become a veterinarian and the president. Who are we to say she couldn't. Just because it has never been done before means nothing.
When we were little children we were completely free and innocent. As adults we should strive to be completely free with wisdom. That is what I want to help Heather and Rachel get back to. I know I took part in taking away their freedom to be themselves and I want to be a part of them getting that freedom back.
Almost all of what you have read in this blog both the good and the bad have been a result of a cancer diagnosis. I don't think Heather would have had the same experience at camp without her mothers cancer diagnosis. I don't think I would have the same vision to see what is really going on without my wife's cancer diagnosis. And I am looking forward to seeing the good that Rachel experiences as well.
Kelley's courage has inspired so many people. She didn't take the easy road. But the biggest inspiration has been for those of us who know her best and see her everyday.
I don't know if I have made any significant point in this post. I just see that everyone in our family has a larger perspective than before. A better perspective than before. Life is good and a gift from God. We have all let others steal our freedom to be our true selves and pursue our true desires on some level or in some area of our life. But once we are adults we have the power to change that. That is the path that we are on as a family. Discovering our true selves and our true passions and putting them into action. Our desire is to have a positive impact on the lives of others. This blog is one of the ways we hope to do this. It didn't start that way. Originally we just wanted to be able to update family and friends about Kelley's treatment but somehow it became something different and much, much better. We feel honored to be used in a way that is a blessing to others and hope that we can continue to be so as long as we possibly can.

Life, Kelley, and Cake.....All Sweet Things!

Deryl says......It has been a while since I have blogged anything. I think it may be because I am not as emotionally wrecked anymore. We are in the final phase of treatment and once chemo is over we are done. So since there are no more unknowns as far as treatment goes I feel as if we have survived the hardest parts. Kelley's attitude during this whole process has definitely made it easier for me to handle. My biggest concern all along was how she would react to losing her hair. So when she decided to shave it before it fell out I knew she was going to be fine. The fact that she was not clinging to anything and just accepting the situation for what it was has made it easier for everyone.
You have probably seen the pictures and can tell that she has a buzz cut at the moment. Well, her hair started falling out today. And instead of freaking she decided to shave the letter "K" on the side of her head before it all fell out. She was in the bathroom and came out to surprise me with the letter on the side of her head. But there was one slight little problem. Since she shaved the letter in the mirror when she came out and showed it to me it was a backwards "K". I wondered if she meant to do it that way so I asked her if she knew it was backwards. She just said "Oh my gosh!" and busted out laughing. We were both laughing until we were crying. We were laughing so hard that my daughter Heather ran into the room to find out what was going on. It is moments like that when I am so proud to be married to Kelley. She has never thought of herself as inspirational or even exceptional in any way. But I think she is finally getting a glimpse of how special she really is. The person that I have always known her to be. Although she has changed the only thing that has really changed is her recognition of her own strength and beauty.
I am so happy to see her realize just how much God loves her. Loving her so much that he would allow something like this in her life at this young age rather than let her live any longer thinking she was weak or not good enough. She is and has always been more than good enough. Finally she and everyone else is seeing the secret that God and I have known for so many years. That Kelley McElreath is a strong, wise, loving, and inspirational woman. A woman that has experienced so much trial and tribulation in her young life yet can laugh at herself. A woman who can look at the possibility of death and not become bitter and ask "why me?". A woman who can lose a child and a mother at a young age and not hold a grudge against God or life.
She has always amazed me and she just amazes me more everyday. I am so fortunate. I have a wonderful life. It is not perfect by any means and there are things that I want to change. But if this is as good as it ever gets I have no right to complain. I am blessed beyond measure in the places it matters most. In my soul and my spirit. I am loved and adored by my God, my wife, and my daughters. All of whom I adore back in equal measure. Anymore would just be icing on the cake.

Hurting people

Kelley says...........


Okay, so I wasn't going to blog this story but a couple of people told me I really need to. On Monday I went to Sam's to pick up some pictures. I pulled into the parking lot and it was like you know, you drive on one side and you are supposed to only pull into a parking place on the right because the cars on the left are parked the opposite direction. Well, there was a close parking place on the left so I just cut it wide to the right to pull in it. I saw a woman and her little boy about to walk by through the space I was fixing to park in so I stopped to wait on them. Immediately, the lady literally starts walking slow as a snail. When she got up to the front bumper and closer to my passenger side window she raises her hand and motions to me how I wasn't supposed to be pulling into the parking space that way and proceeds to tell me off and just walks off. I said out loud in my car "YOU BITCH!!" I'm thinking, do you have any idea what I've been through the last two days?! I pull into the parking place and am thinking I am going to go TELL her what I've been through and she should have a little more compassion for people!!!! I wanted to take my scarf off and strangle her with it!!

Now I just have to tell you that I would NEVER EVER EVER call someone that much less think that about someone. It just came out of nowhere! I felt anger just rising up within me. I got out of my car and was walking behind her. When I felt all that anger as I was looking at her I thought you know......Hurting people, hurt people. I am NOT going to let this woman ruin my day and cause me to react rather than respond. I immediately knew I should just pray for her. 


I just said Lord, I pray right now for this lady that you would bless her beyond belief that your favor would be upon her all the days of her life, I thank you that she is the head and not the tail that she is the beginning and not the end. I pray you would protect that little boy and you would bring joy into her life. I pray Lord that she would never ever get cancer or any other deadly disease and she would always have a healthy life. At that moment all anger left my body. Literally, I felt total peace and all the negative emotion was completely gone. 


I can honestly say I have NEVER experienced something like this before which is pretty darn sad. There have been so many times in my life that someone has done something like that and I didn't react so nicely. In the past I would have stewed over that for days. I would have let it ruin my entire day! It just all comes back to the fact that you have NO idea what people are going through or what has just happened to them or what kind of past and/or current life situation they have going on. 


I hope this helps you today and that you will choose to respond with a genuine prayer the next time someone doesn't treat you justly.


Love always,


Kelley

Gratitude

Deryl says........Kelley had her first chemo treatment today. She has been handling it pretty well so far. She has had a little nausea and has felt a little drained energy-wise. But so far so good. Of course it has been less than 8 hours since she finished but we can be grateful for the happenings of today. Last week when we went to chemo class I left there kind of scared and a little angry. I found myself in kind of a foul mood for a couple of days. Then had a good weekend but Monday I was feeling kind of pissy again. I just let myself feel it for awhile and got it out of my system. I finally came to a place of acceptance. I felt prepared for what is coming ever since. I had a great rest of the week. Kelley and I had a wonderful day yesterday and we both felt peace. Then this morning came and Kelley was getting a little tense. I could feel some tension within as well but it was very little and did not last very long.
In some ways this process has been very good for us. Kelley and I were discussing how we both feel as if our hearts have opened wider. We both feel more loving and accepting of others and even loving and accepting of this situation. For me the biggest change has come in the area of emotions. I have been able to allow myself to feel whatever it is that I feel in any given moment and express it. And most of the time I feel I express my emotions in a healthy way. I may snap at my kids a little too much and sulk a little too long. But I allow myself to feel and that has opened my heart. I know it sounds kind of sappy and almost feminine. And not too long ago I would have been embarrassed to write this for all to see or even to cry or voice my fears in front of my family. But the more I feel the freer I feel inside. And I see the same thing happening in Kelley.
Kelley has taken a situation that could have hardened her towards life and she has let it soften her. She tells her friends that she loves them and really means it. She could not have done that last year. I admire her bravery so much. She doesn't see it as bravery but it is. I mean who shaves their head before their hair falls out. And not just that but instead of just shaving her hair, she turns it into to hair fashion night where she will get to try on several different haircuts before she goes bald. I mean that is brilliant!
I know we have a tough road ahead of us yet I am grateful. I am grateful for all of the wonderful friends that visited us today. The friends who have done things like clean our house, mow our lawn, and cook meals for us. That is God pouring out His magnificent love on us through other people. How can I not be grateful with incredible, unending love like that. I hope I never forget.

The Issue

Kelley says...........


Last night, I was having a conversation with Deryl and we were just talking about life, chemo, and what our future holds. I told him that I believe that we are ALL on a spiritual journey. It doesn't matter if you are a Christian or not. This is just my opinion but I think that "opportunities" arise throughout our lives to deepen this spiritual journey. If we don't get it the first time, other opportunities will come around for God to try to show us whatever it is he is trying to show us to grow us. But, with every single opportunity we have our own free will to learn from it or let it pass us by.


I think God can use any situation to grow us spiritually. It might be just a small incident that you can learn from but it might take a death or other complete tragedy for someone else to learn the same thing. Throughout this experience in my life I have discovered that sometimes our tragedies reveal our purpose. I am a firm believer in dealing with our own issues. It is so good to get away by yourself at least a few times in your life time to really be all alone just you and your "stuff". This is really scary to a lot of people. I have done this two times. It was no fun and it was terrifying. But you know what? I dealt with some major things and the best thing to come from it is that I realized how strong I am. That I don't need to run to Deryl or friends or a pastor to help me every time but that I can run to my God and he is faithful to see me through. 


It is good to be able to have support to go to. I think this is also very important. But sometimes I see others make "people" their God. It is vital that we deal with our issues. If we don't, time will go by and we will seem better but they will still be there lurking around. If we don't deal with the issue, we'll always be dealing with the issue. I don't know if this is making any sense to you or not but I just really feel like the main reason I have been able to deal with having cancer and all that I am going through is because I have dealt with so much of my past. And I want everyone to be able to experience freedom from their past. 


If you ever decide to get away and do some work on yourself, let me know and I will help guide you through it!!