The Bah Humbug Virgin

Firsts..............Funny, when we think of "firsts" I bet we don't think of the same type of things. When I reminisce about firsts, I think when my four month old son died and I held him while he was dead. When the doctor handed him to me, his head totally fell completely lifeless into the crook of my arm. That was on November 5th, 1986. I didn't get to spend his 1st Thanksgiving with him. There were no "first" Santa pictures. No first Christmas.

I vividly remember my first Mother's Day and my first of MANY things after that event. My mom passed away in the month of April. I remember Mother's Day being shortly after. That first Mother's Day without my mom was so hard. Then it was just more and more firsts without these two most precious people in my life.This year I spent my first Thanksgiving in 20 years without my husband.

I have enjoyed Christmas music for as long as I can remember. I'm one of those who starts listening after Halloween is over. I have my own cd's, my own special playlists of Christian Christmas music, rock Christmas and easy listening and fun...I LOVE IT!!

I don't think I have ever had a "Bah Humbug" or "Scrooge" attitude at Christmastime. But this year I have not listened to one Christmas song...by choice. It just makes me sad. But luckily, the sadness doesn't last long. I've had to learn to really look for the positive this season. Like all the great firsts I have had since my marriage breakdown. I am living in an awesome apartment with the girls for the first time. We cooked our first meal in the house all together. It's our first Christmas to not have a tree but my oldest found the coolest tree idea on Pinterest. So, I'll just keep focusing on the good and try not to have a scrooge attitude!!

Merry Christmas!!