Free boob job? Uh, NO...not so much!!

I just had to share this story. It is the absolute best article I have ever read on this. It is SO true. I bet you 90% of ANYONE I knew and those I didn't even know said it to me..."Well, at least you get a free boob job!!" Well yeah, not so much.....read on and whatever you do, be sensitive and think about how what you say really might mean to someone going through this very thing. I think sometimes when bad things happen to people, we feel like we "need" to say something. But take it from me....you really, really don't. 

I think most survivors would agree that just listening or sitting with the person in silence does complete wonders!! There is just no need to say a word because what the person wants and needs is YOU. 

__________________

Me and My Foobs: What It's Really Like Post-Mastectomy

Before my surgery, I spoke openly about my decision to undergo a prophylactic bi-lateral mastectomy in the wake of a BRCA-1 diagnosis. I'm now about six weeks post-surgery, the (proud?) owner of two brand spanking new "foobs" (fake boobs), and I've had some time to process the new additions.
First, I believe there's a huge misconception among the general populous about what it means to have one's breasts removed and replaced with artificial ones (if they are replaced at all). When speaking about my upcoming surgery, I had many well-meaning people say things like, "Well at least you get new boobs!" and, "Your husband must be so excited... has he picked 'em out yet?"
Yeah, well, it's not quite like that. Not at all, in fact.
It seems that those not in the know tend to equate post-mastectomy reconstructed breasts with augmented breasts or "boob jobs." Nothing could be further from the truth. You see, augmented breasts are actually real live breasts with nipples and healthy breast tissue behind which silicone or saline implants have been placed, either under or above the muscle, thereby pushing them up and out. We all know what augmented breasts look like; some of them look very real, and many of them look stunningly beautiful. If augmented breasts didn't look damn good, breast augmentation surgeries would not be so, ahem, popular.
So even though augmented boobs are often called "fake boobs," they're really not. I, on the other hand, do have fake boobs (or "foobs," as I have become prone to calling them).
What is attached to my chest right now are a pair of silicone implants with no breast tissue in front of them. I am essentially sporting implants covered with skin. There are no real breasts there to hide the fact that my "breasts" are just implants -- man-made, silicone-filled implants which feel like gel-filled bags and ripple when I move certain ways.
And right now, I have no nipples either. Because leaving enough breast tissue behind the nipple to spare it can create more risk, in that cancer can still occur in the tissue left behind. Also, if the surgeon failed to leave enough tissue attached to the nipple, the nipple could become necrotic and die. As in, turn black and fall off.
No thank you. I wasn't that attached to my nipples.
So I opted against nipple-sparing surgery, and currently have long incisions where my nipples used to be. To put it graphically -- but not so graphically that it would require a "warning" tag when published -- I went from looking like this:

To looking like this:


(Hopefully you get the idea, despite my crude pencil sketches.)
And the view from above right now is even weirder for me. I went from seeing this:
To this:
Now, don't get me wrong. I have no regrets about my decision to have preventative surgery. None, whatsoever. I sleep better knowing that I just shaved about 77 percent off of my 87 percent risk of contracting breast cancer in my lifetime. Nor am I unhappy with my results. I had excellent surgeons and my reconstructed breasts look just like they're supposed to look at this stage. I will have skin-grafted, man-made nipples attached in the next few months, and later have color tattooed on them for good measure. The new nipples ("fips") will hide some of the existing scars, and hopefully will be nice and round and perky. But they'll have no feeling. They'll just be there as accessories. Like earrings.
And while I still look cute in a sexy bra, I no longer walk around topless, and now tend to sleep in camisoles rather than in the buff. I'm also somewhat shy around my husband, and am still shocked at times when I look in the mirror. It's an adjustment, for all of us, even my toddler who gently pats the boo-boos she now sees on my chest.
For me, the psychological impact of losing my breasts was much greater than the physical impact. I am healing rapidly and know that the physical scars will fade. I also know that I made the right decision for me and my family. But those of us who either opted to have mastectomies as a preventative measure, or had mastectomies as a life-saving measure, aren't excited about our "new boobs." In truth, we'll never be the same. We see ourselves differently now when we look in the mirror, because we are different, inside as well as outside.
But at least we're here, stronger and wiser for the experience.
Image via Mark Montgomery; sketches via the author.

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Caregiving and The Booby Fairy

Deryl says....I can't believe it has been a week since I posted last. It has been a whirlwind of a week. After Kelley's sister left all the caregiving fell to me. I have loved being able to demonstrate my love to Kelley. It is just overwhelming to realize how much needs to be done. Not just the caregiving part but that plus the house, the girls, and work. I don't know what I would have done if people weren't bringing meals everyday. And thank you to everyone who has brought meals to us. You have made this much easier for us.

It has been nice to see Kelley get better and more independent everyday. That light in her eyes gets brighter and brighter. It is great because she has had some moments of fear, frustration and pain. It is easy to listen and try to calm her fears or vent her frustrations. But man, watching her suffer in pain. That is the worst part of this by far. To know your loved one is hurting and not being able to do anything about it is tough. You feel helpless and out of control. That is not a fun place to be. But fortunately as she gets better those memories fade quickly. The joy of getting drain tubes out or finding out that a complication is getting better replaces those old negative thoughts.

Watching Kelley become more of the wonderful person she is has been very charming. One of the greatest moments this week happened when I was in bed asleep. It was early in the morning. I felt this tapping on my leg. I thought one of the girls was trying to wake me up. I rolled over ready to answer the tap with a grumpy "What?!" when I saw that it was Kelley. She had crawled in to bed just so she could lay next to me because we have not laid next to one another since she had surgery. What I want you to realize is that this was no easy task for her and if she had not been able to wake me up there was no way she could have gotten back up on her own. I know it was painful and it was a risk for her to crawl up next to me. I could have rolled over in my sleep and hit her in a spot that could have caused her even more pain. That is why it was such a sweet gesture and meant so much to me.

When Kelley's sister was here helping it was easier. I almost thought "this is all there is to it?". Kelley was doing well. She didn't seem to be suffering nearly as much as I thought she would. Everything seemed to be getting done fairly easily. Then Kelley started taking less pain medication and trying to do more. And then Pam left and was no longer here to help. Then I was in my second week of not sleeping through the night so I could make sure Kelley took her medication And when Kelley tried to do more it would cause her pain. And that is when feelings of overwhelm would crop up. Which is unusual because it is not something I am used to feeling. But wondering how everything that needs to be done is going to get done has been just more overwhelming than I expected. You have to decide what you are going to let go of and what you are going to do because there is just no way to get it all done. Thankfully, we have been blessed with great family and friends who have been helping as much as they can. I don't know how people do this without the help of others. It could really drive someone off the deep end if they didn't have the kind of support we had. And Kelley being such a good and thoughtful patient also makes it so much easier. 

Kelly makes it as funny as possible. She keeps talking about when the booby fairy will visit. The other day we were watching the TV and there was a lady on in a bikini who must have had good boobs because Kelley yelled "Deryl look! I want those right there." Unfortunately I missed it but we laughed about how before she probably would have done something to take my attention away from the TV so I wouldn't see them and now she is yelling at me to look. My how life changes.

Rough Morning

Kelley says..........


Deryl helped me get a shower this morning and being the independent person that I am, that was really a humbling experience. But he was very sweet & gentle with me. I can't believe I was diagnosed with this on April 12th, 2010. Yet yesterday I think was the 1st time this all really started setting in. Today during my shower and having to sit there still while Deryl & my sister drained my tubes and helped me get dressed there was just no more denying what is happening to me and this was all done in order for me to live a longer and healthier life. If I had to do it over again, I still would have made the same choice.


Today has been a painful day. I'm very sore and kind of nauseated. Just not very comfortable. They warned me and now I know it to be true that the drains are the worst. And on top of that, I feel like I am getting a big fever blister on my top lip. BUT, I told Deryl last night that regardless of how my life ends up, I will still love my God. HE and HE ALONE is my real DADDY!! Regardless of what my life looks like on the outside, I love God with all of who I am. I can't live without him. 


On a funny note, Deryl told me this morning not to worry about my boobs because my butt has always been my best feature. I said "Well after all of this, my boobs BETTER be my best feature"!!!!!!!!!!!!