Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Worry Challenge Outcome

Kelley says.............

Yesterday I completed my 30 Day Worry Challenge. I must say that God has shown me so much during the last 30 days. He has shown me that in the past I have worried entirely too much about all the things that are completely out of my control. I can remember a time when I worried SO much that if I forgot what I was worrying about, I would start to worry about that!!!!I have gotten a whole lot better but realized doing this challenge that I still worry about way too much. I'm embarrassed to say that I don't think there has been very many times in my life where I have truly cast ALL my cares on the Lord like he says for us to do. But I can honestly say that I indeed have done this in the last 30 days. I have had so much more peace. 

One of my friends who has been doing this challenge with me suggested that we continue for another 30 days so that we make this a habit that sticks. I then made a counter offer for us to continue right on through until the end of the year because the holidays are some of the worst times that I worry. It always comes down to finances that cause me the greatest concern. And I know with all our medical stuff from this year, the enemy will really be hard at work in my mind. SO, I have decided that I WILL continue this challenge and cast my cares on God. I anticipate that some great and mighty things are going to happen in my life. I think by casting my cares on Him and letting Him handle the cares of my life the way I should have been doing all along rather than trying to be Mrs. Fix it Fox, I will be truly astounded by all that He will show me. And then it is my prayer that this will become my way of life. A habit that I can pass down to many generations.

I know this can be done because the habit of worry has been passed down to me. I can be the generation that CHOOSES to stop the habit of worry!!!!! And I truly believe that it is a choice. I am choosing to take full responsibility and do something about it!! I hope you too will consider joining me on this new challenge. It is a true step of faith but if I can do it, you can do it too!! I know according to God's word that he does NOT want us to worry!!

Matthew 6:27-29
Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are.

Proverbs 12:25
Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up.

Philippians 4:6-7
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Matthew 6:31-33
So don't worry about these things, saying, 'What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?' These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

1 Peter 5:7
Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Forever Changed

Kelley says............

The last week or so has been quite difficult for me. I have had such a range of emotions going on it is hard to even blog about it or describe it. I am so glad that treatment is over. Things are starting to taste somewhat normal again so that is good. I am back to eating like I was so I am starting to lose the weight I gained and just feel better overall. 

I'll do my best to describe what I feel but it may only make sense to someone who has walked in my shoes. When I was diagnosed back in April, I only had a couple of weeks to let that sink in and then it was on to trying to decide what surgery to have. It took several weeks of contemplating that and then it was on to trying to recover from that surgery. Then it was right on into trying to decide if I would do chemo and then right on into treatment. Then it was deciding what to do with my hair. So it was just one major thing after the other. I don't think I really had time to sit down and deal with all that I was really going through because I had all the above mentioned things going on. 

Now that treatment is complete I am on to not knowing exactly when my reconstruction surgery will take place. Sometime before the end of the year, I hope. Anyway, I think that I am just now able to really, really grasp what has happened to me. Now please understand that I absolutely know 100% that my boobs do not in anyway define who I am. However, now that I have finished treatment, I had this sudden realization that I am FOREVER changed. That I will never, EVER look the same again. I imagine that people who have not gone through breast cancer, watches someone go through this journey and at this point in the journey thinks it is all over and done with and the person is doing just great. But the fact is that even though I CAN and am going to get new boobs it isn't like I just chose to go get a boob job and all is well. I didn't choose this and this isn't like a normal boob job. I am scarred for life. I may look great in clothes but every time I step out of the shower, ever time I change my clothes, every time I have sex with my husband, I am reminded of what I have been through and that these scars are permanent. 

I also feel very sad because now I know first hand what all of this feels like and so now I know what all my mom went through. Oh how I wish I would have realized this and been there for her more than I was. I wish I could have told her I understood what she was going through. I feel like the Pacific Ocean is sitting just behind my eyeballs waiting to gush forth. But I can't even cry. I feel like if one little thing happened, it would be just enough to send me over the edge. I really hate posts like this because as you know, I love inspiring people and I know this is far from inspiring. But it is just totally real. I want women to be inspired but I also want them to know the truth of what this does to a person. And if you are reading this and you don't have breast cancer and have never walked this road, PLEASE do monthly self-exams and start getting your yearly mammograms if you don't already. I would NEVER, EVER want anyone else to EVER have to walk this road. 

On a positive note, I also know that I am forever changed on the inside in so many ways. For that, I will be forever grateful. I will be okay. I know I will. But if I happen to cross your mind, please say a prayer for me. You guys have prayed for me so much and I believe God will hear your prayers and mine and help me through this time.



Friday, September 17, 2010

"Feel the Ta-Tas Movement"

Kelley says.....................

I am starting what I am calling a "Feel the Ta-Tas Movement". If you have been following my blog you know that I found my lump through a self-breast exam which is what I believe will be what saved my life. But what you might not know is that if my mom would have done a self-breast exam she would probably still be alive today. 

So I think self-exams are EXTREMELY important!! If you want to be a part of it, all you have to do is let me know you want to be a part of it by sending an e-mail to me at I will send out an encouraging e-mail on the 1st of every month to remind you to "Feel the Ta-Tas" then I will send out an e-mail on the 5th to make sure that you did in fact do it!! Anyone can sign up! Even men. Men get breast cancer too and you can use it as a reminder to remind your wife to do it or you can do it for her!!

I am always so excited to hear how many women are doing self-exams and getting mammograms because of my story. That just thrills my heart!! So.....sign-up today if you haven't already!!!! And forward this link to anyone you know who needs this!!!!!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Breast Cancer Affects

Kelley says............

Breast cancer affects you emotionally, physically, socially, and spiritually.

Emotionally- this has been really hard at times. I have been on what seem like an emotional roller coaster. Most of the time I am good. But then out of nowhere I am very emotional. Maybe I hold it in and then BAM, it all comes up.

Physically- this is one of the hardest things for me right now. I have been training for the upcoming 3 Day walk. I am only up to 7 miles and we walk 20 miles a day for 3 days. Monday, I got blisters on the back of my feet so am waiting for those to heal. When I came home from walking I noticed both of my feet were swollen. I didn't walk on Tuesday but noticed after working all day my left foot was super swollen again. Same thing on Wednesday. 

When I was first diagnosed, I would get this super hot feeling in my face. I was so hot that I thought I had a major fever. But when I checked it, it was normal. After starting chemo, I went into perimenopause. So, I have hot flashes all the time. But this week that hot feeling in my face has gotten really bad and isn't going away. It seems better at night but is awful most of the entire day. Yesterday, with the swelling and the face thing, I just started to cry. I just want to be well. I am done with treatment and I am SO ready to just move on. I was thinking I was diagnosed 4 months ago. I realized last night that it was over 5 months ago!! I can't believe what a process this whole thing is. I think the longer it goes on the more difficult it is emotionally. Now that I am on the other side of it I realize that when I was first diagnosed, I couldn't see that there even WAS another side. 

I started eating an extremely healthy diet when I was diagnosed and lost 20 pounds. Since starting chemo and steroids, I have gained that 20 pounds back. I actually have already lost 4 of those pounds but as any woman knows, this is a tough area especially if you are already emotional.

Socially- this affect is really weird. I mean, it is strange that everyone knows I lost my boobs and that I am slowly getting new ones. And I think once I finish my final surgery and have my new boobs that will be just as weird as when I shaved my head. Just kinda awkward. But, it is what it is. This also affects me emotionally. Although I will have new boobs, they will never be like they were before. I will always be scarred. I will never again look normal. Although women who have had reconstruction after breast cancer look great in their clothes, all of us survivors know what we look like underneath those clothes. And I'm not sure anyone else who hasn't gone through this realizes or thinks about this. It isn't something that gets me down on a regular basis but is definitely an issue to a certain degree. 

Spiritually- I love God more than I ever imagined I could. Every single night if my eyes open, which is a lot of the time, the very first thing I think about is God and how much I love him. He is my absolute everything. I feel closer to him to him than I have ever been. I feel like I have been on a life long journey to finding out not only who I really am but who God really is. And I feel like I have finally discovered both!! What an awesome God he is.