Thursday, September 16, 2010

Breast Cancer Affects

Kelley says............

Breast cancer affects you emotionally, physically, socially, and spiritually.

Emotionally- this has been really hard at times. I have been on what seem like an emotional roller coaster. Most of the time I am good. But then out of nowhere I am very emotional. Maybe I hold it in and then BAM, it all comes up.

Physically- this is one of the hardest things for me right now. I have been training for the upcoming 3 Day walk. I am only up to 7 miles and we walk 20 miles a day for 3 days. Monday, I got blisters on the back of my feet so am waiting for those to heal. When I came home from walking I noticed both of my feet were swollen. I didn't walk on Tuesday but noticed after working all day my left foot was super swollen again. Same thing on Wednesday. 

When I was first diagnosed, I would get this super hot feeling in my face. I was so hot that I thought I had a major fever. But when I checked it, it was normal. After starting chemo, I went into perimenopause. So, I have hot flashes all the time. But this week that hot feeling in my face has gotten really bad and isn't going away. It seems better at night but is awful most of the entire day. Yesterday, with the swelling and the face thing, I just started to cry. I just want to be well. I am done with treatment and I am SO ready to just move on. I was thinking I was diagnosed 4 months ago. I realized last night that it was over 5 months ago!! I can't believe what a process this whole thing is. I think the longer it goes on the more difficult it is emotionally. Now that I am on the other side of it I realize that when I was first diagnosed, I couldn't see that there even WAS another side. 

I started eating an extremely healthy diet when I was diagnosed and lost 20 pounds. Since starting chemo and steroids, I have gained that 20 pounds back. I actually have already lost 4 of those pounds but as any woman knows, this is a tough area especially if you are already emotional.

Socially- this affect is really weird. I mean, it is strange that everyone knows I lost my boobs and that I am slowly getting new ones. And I think once I finish my final surgery and have my new boobs that will be just as weird as when I shaved my head. Just kinda awkward. But, it is what it is. This also affects me emotionally. Although I will have new boobs, they will never be like they were before. I will always be scarred. I will never again look normal. Although women who have had reconstruction after breast cancer look great in their clothes, all of us survivors know what we look like underneath those clothes. And I'm not sure anyone else who hasn't gone through this realizes or thinks about this. It isn't something that gets me down on a regular basis but is definitely an issue to a certain degree. 

Spiritually- I love God more than I ever imagined I could. Every single night if my eyes open, which is a lot of the time, the very first thing I think about is God and how much I love him. He is my absolute everything. I feel closer to him to him than I have ever been. I feel like I have been on a life long journey to finding out not only who I really am but who God really is. And I feel like I have finally discovered both!! What an awesome God he is.

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