Missed Opportunity

Kelley says................


Last night, I spoke to a group of women at my church. I spoke on the Prison of Perception.

The Prison of Perception- 


Self imposed limitations in our minds. Limiting beliefs that keep us stuck. We build the walls of our own private cell with assumptions and ideas that have  accumulated over a lifetime. These negative thoughts make their way into our minds by repetition, until our sub-conscious is so weighed down with them that they dictate what we actually think. And as negative things happen throughout our lives, they are reinforced and their power grows. The sub-conscious mind has no ability to distinguish between what is actually happening and what you are remembering. You can never underestimate the power of your mind, and how hard it will try to hold onto what it already perceives to be real. 

Prior to me speaking, I asked several women who are close to me if they would fill out a "speaker evaluation" form for me. On the form, I asked them to give me 3 things I did well and 3 areas I needed to improve on. Well, when I started talking my voice was a little shaky and I was pretty nervous. But that didn't last long. The more I talked I was fine. Anyway, the only way I knew how to really share how I came to live in a prison of perception myself was to share my story. I went with the major events in my life all the way through being diagnosed with cancer. There was so much more I wish I would have had time to share but there was only so much time. And I guess they were wanting to keep it kind of "light" so I didn't want to go too deep into my story. 

Most of the feedback I got on my evaluations were very positive. Most of the areas where I needed to improve were areas that I already knew and felt myself were things I am going to have to work on. You know, like talking too fast and just take a breath and slow down, etc. But a dear friend who filled one of these out for me asked me "When was your point of salvation?" Well, my immediate response was that while I do feel called to help women detect early breast cancer as well as help them find God, I don't necessarily feel called to lead people to Christ. I am just not an evangelist. When I wasn't saved and people would preach at me for the way I was living my life, I would run as far as I could in the other direction. They just totally turned me off.

When I woke up this morning, I went for a walk (training for the 3 day!) As I was walking I kept pondering what my friend said. I thought about all the things that my friends said I needed to improve on. I thanked God for these friends that were open and honest with me and that I know this will only make me better.  As I was remembering the night, I realized how much of my story I didn't tell. I thought boy, I've been through some stuff!! There is a huge story that goes along with each chapter of my life. After my friends comment, I just realized that OH MY GOSH, I didn't share enough of God and what HE has done in my life and how HE is the one who has changed me. I still don't think God is calling me to go out and "witness" but I do know for sure that he is going to use me to help others find him. I totally missed a big opportunity by not sharing that part of my story. 


So, here goes. When my parents divorced, I was mad at men. When my son died, I was mad at God. When my mom died, I was mad a ME. I vowed to my mom while she lay in her casket to never again touch drugs and to live a Christian life. I got saved as a little girl but never lived my life for God. It took me a few months to start trying to look for a church. I was single and always dressed like I was goin' to the club! Every church I tried was full of old people. You can imagine how all the women in these churches looked at me when I walked in. After about 6 weeks of trying to find a church to go to, I said okay well, I tried. I thought to myself, I gave it an honest shot and if God wants me in church he will just have to bring it to me. Literally that very night, my phone rings, I say hello and a little girl says to me..."Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?" I say, "Who is this and how did you get my number?" She got really nervous and said she got it out of the phone book. Well, my number was unlisted and so I told her that that couldn't be true. She went on to say that she was really, really sorry and she didn't want to get in trouble but that God told her to dial my number!!!! I asked her where she went to church and it was not 10 minutes from my house. 


That next Sunday I went to church and loved it. Everyone was so nice and friendly to me. They accepted me right where I was at. I had always worked two jobs. I did nails during the day and I worked in bars at night. I immediately quit the night job. But after a few months, I was unable to get by financially. I watched my mom work two and three jobs my entire life and scrape by. So, when it got down to it, I went back to work in the clubs to make ends meet. A friend I worked with at the salon had been praying for me. She prayed I would find a good Christian man. Well, when I went back to work, they had hired a new assistant manager and boy was he cute!!!! I loved being single and had absolutely NO intentions of EVER getting married again. But when I saw this man, I thought to myself...."I am going to marry that man!" The thought came out of nowhere and I thought that it was really random that I would even think that. 


Needless to say, the man was Deryl and we started dating. We had been together for a couple of months and the friend at work who had been praying for me asked me if she could pray with me. Before, I didn't know she was praying for me. Now, she wanted to lay hands on me and pray for me. I said sure thinking she was totally wasting her time. She said a prayer that I don't even remember. I went to work that night and all my friends looked different. I couldn't believe this was where I worked and the kind of people I hung out with. It was full of darkness. Usually, I could drink anyone under the table and I drank one beer the entire night. I didn't know what was going on but I knew it had something to do with that girls prayer. The next night, I told Deryl that I couldn't live this life anymore and that I was going to go to church. At the time, Deryl didn't even believe in there was a God!!!!! So, I really thought that would be the end of our relationship. Well, he said he would go with me. I immediately rededicated my life to the Lord. Within 2 weeks, Deryl had given his notice to quit and was looking for another job. God quickly provided a good job. We were driving down the highway and Deryl asks me to pull the car over right then and there because he HAD to get saved. So I pulled over on the side of LBJ Freeway and led Deryl to the Lord. 


So, that is my salvation story!!


Love you all more than you can ever, ever know!!!! And thank you to my dear friends who love me enough to challenge me because you love me and care about me. YOU ROCK!!


Kelley