Saturday, March 31, 2012

Could it really be possible?

Hey Survivors!!!!

I haven't been blogging here in SO long. I do apologize. After having chemo and going through "Chemo Brain", I wondered if I would ever get back to my normal self. If you know me, you know I have a SERIOUS TYPE A personality!! I will never forget my chemo class. Where the nurse tried to reassure me that most people that can really notice chemo brain are those who are very detail oriented, pay attention to detail, are very organized and have a type A personality. At which point I started to freak out internally since she basically described my personality!!!!

When I had my first treatment, a dear friend of mine who is also a survivor warned me about it. And she doesn't even have my personality. I was driving to my doctor appointment when I realized I had taken the wrong highway. I turned around and felt good at that moment that I realized I was going the wrong way and turned around. But about 5 minutes into my drive, I realized I had no memory as to how to get to the doctors office. Which made me totally panic because I had driven there several times a week for many weeks at this point. I called Deryl and was crying my eyes out. Not many people know this side of my story. My survivor friends do but not my "regular" friends.

Cancer rips SO much from you. It is so funny how when it is all over people just think you are done. Life just moves on. Well, not so fast. It sucks. If you know someone who is a survivor you should seriously show them mercy. If you are a survivor, keep your head gets much better. One of the things that drove me crazy about chemo brain is that I couldn't remember words. One day, I was at Chick-fil-A with the girls and they had a little container of Cheerios. I dumped the Cheerios out and asked them if they wanted some of my Cheetos. They started laughing and what was funny was that I knew when I said it that something was wrong. As soon as they said the word Cheerios I just couldn't believe it!

Here it is 19 months after my last treatment. Literally, about two weeks ago I felt a FLOOD of memories come into my mind. It was truly the wildest thing EVER!! I would wake up thinking of things I had forgotten or needed to do. Every day it would increase. I was like my old self. EVERY single thing I needed to do was coming to my mind!! It was incredible. I mean I PHYSICALLY felt it in my brain. SO WEIRD!!!! I could obviously tell it was SO VERY different. With each day I remembered more and am still remembering more to this day. It is AWESOME!!!! TOTALLY AWESOME!!!! I have so much hope and feel SO darn secure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is like ME is back. I guess deep down I thought I was gone forever. I KNOW I am an awesome administrative assistant. But I didn't feel on top of my game for so long. But now that I am actually feeling like my old self I feel like I totally ROCK!!!! What an amazing feeling. Before chemo I knew what I was capable of. I was so solid, so confident. But cancer and chemo stole that from me. Now, I am getting back to ME!!!!

So ladies, hold on to your faith. Hold on to HOPE. It DOES get better!!!! I'm living proof. It may take you down but it can't keep you down!!!! Things will turn around. I promise you.

Please don't forget that you can contact me anytime you want. Even if I don't know you and we have never even met!! I love helping survivors in any way I can. We have to stay united!! Breast cancer bonds women together like nothing I have ever seen before.

You can reach me at