Friendship Quilt

Kelley says......................


Today, a friend of mine came over to sit with me for a few hours. She told me she had brought something for me. She gave me the bag and I pulled out of it this incredible quilt. Not only did she come up with this idea and make it herself but she had my friends write their names or whatever they wanted on pieces that she sewed into it. On the back bottom corner she sewed in a note that I also included a picture of. I will post more pic's on Facebook so you can see better.


There are not many things that bring me to tears. But this sure did. When I looked at this quilt, I just couldn't believe it. I can't even put into words how it made me feel. Wow. God is just so good. I just thought this was the most thoughtful thing in the world! I'll keep it forever. And don't worry, I have about twenty spots left for people to sign if you didn't get to! This will give you a good reason to drop by and say hello and sign my quilt!


I am so very thankful for my family and friends. I can't imagine how anyone goes through something like this without family and especially without a church family. Someone has brought over a meal every night since the day after my surgery. And everything has been wonderful. It has been so nice not to have to worry about what to cook and to have that totally off my plate. So many people have done things that have helped more than I could have ever imagined. Someone came and cleaned my house for me, helping drop off and pick up the girls, throwing me a pajama party, rides to appointments, getting me certain clothes I need, thoughtful gifts, cards, totally organizing the meal drop offs, helping me with my gross drains, helping me wash my hair, calling, texting, e-mailing, messaging, the list could go on forever. 


So I just want you to all know that if you have an idea in your head to do something for someone even if it is something really small or something really big, GO FOR IT!! Because I have to believe that it was God that put all these little ideas in all of your heads to do for us and each and every single one has meant so, so much to me and to my family. I believe the outpouring of your love towards us is speaking volumes to many people who know us personally and many who don't know us at all! I think that sometimes when we have an idea to do something for another person the enemy wants us to think the idea is silly or wouldn't really mean much. Don't let anything stop you! I am learning this myself from all of you. I believe with all of my heart that we all have a very special gift that God has given us. And there isn't another person on the planet that can use that gift the way YOU can. 


Love you all so very much!

Bye Bye Boobies

Deryl says........Well tomorrow is the day. I am surprisingly calm at the moment. I have been very nervous the last couple of days. They gave Kelley some xanax for the anxiety. I should have asked for some as well. I didn't sleep well last night. I don't know if I will be able to sleep at all tonight. It is scary to know what she is going to go through. I feel the most anxiety when I imagine what it must be like to be in her shoes. She is so strong it amazes me.

She came home from the plastic surgeon today and the surgeon had drawn all over her boobs with a permanent purple marker. She has to take a shower tonight and when she is done I am charged with the task of redrawing those lines for her. I asked if I could color them in as well but she said no. I was thinking that it might be fun to draw on her on a regular basis. She could be my canvas! Well, I like the idea but we will see if she does when all of this is over.

We have had a lot of laughter tonight. Kelley's sister is here and our friend Naomi from Oklahoma is here as well. It is moments like this when I cherish family and friends most. Why do we need a crisis to bring everyone together. Even though I have been nervous and Kelley has had her emotional moments this has been a great week. The friends who have been there for us in so many ways has been so humbling. Just laughing and hanging out together at our "Screw Cancer" party. I have loved it. There is so much to be grateful for. It is so much more obvious now. I knew it before but I notice it more often these days. The company I work for is so great. They are letting me work from home while Kelley is recovering. They have been so understanding when I have had to go to doctor after doctor with Kelley. If you are ever looking for a good company to work for I highly recommend Nationstar Mortgage. I think you can tell a lot about a person or an organization by how they treat you in a time of trouble and my company has been nothing but supportive and understanding.

Well my wife is never going to look the same after tomorrow. I have thought about that quite a bit. I have wondered to myself if it was going to bother me at all. But all need is one look at her smiling face to know I could say bye bye boobies forever without one regret. Kelley is not her body. Her looks may be what attracted me to her initially but you cannot stay happily married for 15+ years when your relationship is based on looks. She is an exceptional woman. She has been through so much in her life. She really deserves a break. You would never know that she was raised in poverty by a single mother, lost her 3 month old son to SIDS when she was a teen, lost her mother to cancer when her mother was 53, and is now battling the very same disease that took her mother's life. If you know Kelley you would know that she doesn't live back there in the difficult places of the past. She lives in the moment now more than ever. She is an inspiration to all who know her. I feel honored to be her husband. She feels things so deeply. When she loves someone she love them with all her soul. When she cares for someone she cares sincerely with all her heart. She empathizes so deeply she has to be careful what she gets involved in as it can overwhelm her emotionally. She love all those crazy ladies from her womens group. I don't know what you ladies talk about but I see her smirking and talking on the phone some times to you girls. She will hang up and have a big smile on her face or sometimes tears in her eyes. She tells me she just wants to have an impact on the lives of women. She has obviously been very successful at doing that already.

I think the thing I want to communicate most is that we will be OK. This is not going to be fun. But we will come out on the other side better than we are now. Wear pink tomorrow if you can and please pray for Kelley. Much love!

We All Need Someone to Lean On

Deryl says..........The surgery date looms. As it gets closer I find myself getting more nervous. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for Kelley. I realize that this is our last "normal" weekend together. Life will be dramatically different for a long time after this week. Maybe we will get back to a kind of normal but our previous life is gone. That will have its positives and negatives. I do find myself afraid of the unknown. I have some idea from conversations I have had with some wonderful people who have been through this before what to expect. But you never really know until you have been through it. I fear how much Kelley is going to suffer. I fear the girls stressing out their mother with petty bickering. I fear I will lose my temper with the girls or even Kelley from stress. I am not normally a fearful person so feeling all of this tangible fear is strange and uncomfortable. I don't want to let Kelley down during this time. I have lots of offers for help. I welcome all the help. Right now I just don't know what kind of help I will need. I do know that if I am able to come through for Kelley on every front it will be because of the love and support offered by so many.

You know some people look at the world and say why would you want to bring a child into this evil world. But I think most people are basically good and many are exceptionally good. There is nothing that brings out the best in people like a crisis. And there is something especially unique about the sisterhood of cancer survivors. And somehow I get to join the sorority just because I married the right girl. I don't want Kelley to suffer. But I am pleased to meet so many people that are so open about life and their cancer experience. Its like you lose a couple of layers of your ego instantly as you fight death. Priorities change immediately. Things like vanity and political correctness disappear. I have had more conversations about boobs and nipples with women I have barely known in the last week than I have in my entire life. That previous statement may offend some people. And I would have cared prior to April 12th. But now I will have any conversation I need to have with anyone I feel will be helpful without any shame or awkwardness. Because my sole goal in life is to do everything I can to aid my wife in her recovery.
We had an awesome party last night. Our friends Byron and Shai organized it in a couple of days. We called it our "Screw Cancer" pajama party. Our friends brought Kelley new pajamas. She will need some that button in the front since she won't be able to lift her hands above her head for a while. We have pictures on our facebook pages. If you are not friends with us just make a friend request and we will add you. It is amazing to know that I have friends that I have not seen in over 20 years yet still care and are praying for me and Kelley. I love you all and I am not just saying that.

At the party, instead of cocktails I made fresh juice for everyone with our new juicer. Kelley and I have gone on a complete vegetarian diet since the diagnosis and we juice fruits and vegetable 3 times a day for additional nutrients. This is something I never thought I would do. Kelley tried to get me on a juice kick a couple of years ago and I would have nothing to do with it. It is amazing how easy it is now to drink something I thought I would never enjoy. I wonder why it is so much easier to do something healthy for your loved ones than it is yourself. I have always known it was good for us but I could not get past the taste. Now I love the taste.

Kelley and I have decided we are going to start a non-profit to help breast cancer patients. We want to raise awareness, educate women on prevention and early detection, educate caregivers, raise money for more research, and most of all provide financial, emotional, and practical assistance to breast cancer patients. We have not come up with a name for it yet. I was thinking of calling it the Mary Parent (Kelley's Mom) Foundation or Peace, Love, Hope, Cure. But it is early in the process. I wonder if I can get Nancy Brinker and Lance Armstrong to be on our board of directors. That would be fun.

It is funny how often I think of women's breasts now. You may be saying to yourself well "Duh!" your a guy. But I don't mean in any kind of perverted, lustful way. I find myself looking at a woman and wondering if she has ever had a double mastectomy or currently has breast cancer. It is almost as if I see them now as potential health hazards instead of how you would expect a guy to normally see them. Because I look at my wife and think she looks better than ever yet she has a potentially fatal disease. I think that is why cancer is so scary. Because the person looks so normal and healthy. It just makes it hard to register in your mind that all of this is necessary to save her life. I am afraid yet hopeful. Please keep praying for us.

New Friends from Sing for the Cure

Here is a picture of Michael and his son and Jan and her brother. Our new friends from Sing for the cure.

A Night of Beauty and Agony

Deryl says.......... Tonight Kelley and I had the good fortune of being able to attend a choir and symphony at the Myerson called "Sing For a Cure". It was a fundraiser for the Susan G. Komen foundation and breast cancer survivors and patients were offered free tickets. It was an amazing and emotional night. We met some wonderful people and experienced an amazingly inspirational show.

As you might expect pink was the color of the evening and most were wearing pink of some sort. However, we met two exceptional men wearing pink suits. But not just pink suits but pink shoes, hats and hankies as well. They looked so good I had to have my picture taken with them. I asked the elder gentleman if his spouse was a breast cancer survivor. He replied "no, I am". I was floored. This guy had male breast cancer just over 5 years ago and was cancer free. We also met a lady named Jan who had obviously been through chemo within the last year. She had just gone through a recurrence of her cancer and was cancer free after her second round of chemo. She asked Kelley how long ago she had been through treatment. Kelley said "I have a double mastectomy next Tuesday". Poor Jan looked like someone stabbed her in the side. Tears welled up in her eyes and she immediately went and gave Kelley a hug. Now I am about to say some unbelievable things. Before I do let me just say "I am scared of what Kelley is facing and what the treatment of this cancer will do to her." But I can also say that this cancer is a blessing. And the interesting thing is Jan said the same thing when discussing her battle with cancer. I say that because if you knew Kelley just a few years ago a stranger trying to hug Kelley would typically not receive a warm response from her. And someone other than immediate family saying "I love you" would have received silence back. But that is not the case anymore. Kelley is so much more open to love and affection. One thing I find really interesting and refreshing is that when you meet another person or family that has gone through or is going through cancer there is an instant bond. Its like all the pretense and "b.s." of normal life have no meaning and life becomes about living and loving and giving. How can that not be a blessing? Oh don't think that there are not dark days that come with cancer. There are more than anyone would care to experience. But the light days are lighter, the love is deeper, and all the things you have to be grateful for are much more visible.

The guy in the pink suits name is Michael. Kelley and I both had an instant connection with Michael. I wish you could have seen him. Michael is probably in his late 40s or early 50s. And he is a big, black, sweet, encouraging man. And when I say big I mean big in every way. And being decked out from head to toe in pink he is impossible to miss. I don't know where he is from or his background or what he does for a living but I know he is a friend and I know Kelley and I will never forget him. I will post a picture of him in a later post.

You know I was planning on writing about how sad and afraid I have been today. But just writing about Michael and Jan have already made me feel better. I still don't want Kelley to have to go through this but maybe new relationships and helping others is worth all of this. I guess it is easy for me to say since no one is cutting on me but I think Kelley would agree. Our good friend Alvin can tell you that sometimes what feels like the worst thing that could possibly happen in the moment can wind up being the greatest thing that ever happened to you. I hope that will be the case with this and I believe it will eventually.

New friends & old

Kelley says....
So today was the genetic test. This week has been really good. I've been in an upbeat mood and feeling more like myself. But there is just something about going to the doctor. You know, when I have an appointment it just is back to the harsh reality that I have cancer. I just still can't believe it. It just seems like this is all a dream and I am hoping one day I will just wake up.


A good friend of mine came over today and the first time we met, we both had the "Juno" song "Anyone Else But You" as our ring tone. She taught herself that song on her guitar over the weekend and played it for me AND sang it to me this morning!! I couldn't believe it. I'll never forget it as long as I live. (And I'm hoping that is a REALLY long time!) I am trying to convince her to record it so I can put it on my MP3 player. (Hint, Hint)


Then, a lady who is a complete stranger to me has been communicating with me. She is a breast cancer survivor and has been so kind to answer all my questions and has just been so patient and kind to me. She is my "Angel". ;-)


One big thing I have to share is that a lady went for a mammogram and did a self-exam because of my blog!!!! Oh my gosh!! That made me so very happy. Please forward the link to my blog to any woman you know. I believe this is the start of something big. And I would love nothing more than to help save the Ta-Tas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Tomorrow, I am going on a retreat with a bunch of ladies from my church. Looking forward to posting what all God reveals and does this weekend.

Biopsy Results

Kelley says........... Events that occurred on April 12th, 2010

I would not say I was really anxious at all this day. I really expected to get a call and hear good news. Even though there was some part of me that knew differently.

I have a small group that meets in a friend’s house every Monday night and we are discussing “Fears”. For the past two weeks the fear we are discussing has been the “Fear of the unknown”. I studied fears, I researched all about fears, I went to God’s word to find out people in the bible who feared the unknown and searched high and low for scriptures. I typed up the plan of what I would tell the ladies. You have to handle fear in steps.

Here they are.

1. Imagine the worst possible outcome
2. Imagine it in steps- what is the next step, then the next step, etc
3. What can I do? Can I get more information? Can I ask for help or tell someone?
4. How likely is this to happen?

I had it all figured out, I would apply this to my situation, it would work like a charm, my biopsy would come back benign, I would get my results and share them at group on Monday night with all my friends.

The home phone, which no one ever calls, rang at 1:52 pm. I had been reading the word so I sat jumped up and ran to the phone. On my caller id it showed it was my gynecologist’s office. So I really thought if they were the ones calling and not the actual women's health care place then this was probably going to be good news!

I said hello and from the very moment the woman opened her mouth I knew my life was about to change. I heard her say that I was being referred to a breast surgeon, I heard her say the words malignant carcinoma and I didn’t hear another word. I asked her to repeat it about three times and she just very kindly said for me to just take a moment, take all the time I needed. At this point, my heart was about to beat out of my chest, my palms were sweaty, I was pacing like a crazy person from my back door to my front door and I was literally trembling.

When the earthquake in Chile happened recently, they said on the news that it was such a high magnitude that the earth actually spun off its axis for a moment in time. Well, that is the only way I can really describe that moment to you. I mean, I am 40 years old! What in the hell just happened? Is this for real? Did I misunderstand her? She didn’t use the words “Breast cancer”. So maybe somehow I am going to be okay.

I called my pastor immediately and I was a bawling mess. By now I was pacing faster, very afraid, did not know what to do, and was shaking all over. He was so reassuring and just pointed me to the Lord. He was a calming force at that moment. He advised me to go ahead and call Deryl which also terrified me. Who wants to tell their spouse, “I have cancer”? And then he said something so smart which was “Call Deryl and I am going to hang up and pray and think for a minute so I know what the right thing is to do”. Wow, what wisdom! My pastor is also my boss. And in reality, I needed to be able to talk to him on the phone but I needed close women friends at that moment and that was exactly the right thing. He called two of the women’s leaders in the church for me.

I had an appointment at 2:00 so I called and canceled that. I called Deryl and I called to get a ride home for Rachel. I called one other lady but I couldn’t reach her. Another good friend was out of town so I didn’t call her. I thought at this point I have to be moving, in action right now, this pacing the floor is not working!! So, I just grabbed my keys and purse and headed out the door. I sent a text to a good friend who has also lost her mom to cancer to see if she was home and she was. I asked if I could come over and she said sure. You know, I know from personal experience that I have a hard time reassuring people whose mom’s have cancer. It just feels like a lie to me because it is just too close to home. I knew she would be the same but yet I knew she was the perfect person for me in that moment.

The two other ladies got there and they encouraged me, they all listened to my fears, comforted me, prayed for me, I could go on and on. Deryl got there and he was so awesome too. My pastor is always talking about living in community. I realized as we all sat there that that is what we were doing. From that very day, I have had countless text messages, e-mails, phone calls and such. I can’t imagine what we would do without our church family. I truly believe they have been God’s hands extended.

We picked up the girls and they knew something was up and so we just were honest about what was going on. Rachel cried and Heather seemed to be okay on the outside but concerned on the inside. Deryl had told me a little earlier that even though he was afraid, he had a peace underneath that. When we asked the girls what they were feeling, Heather said the exact same thing Deryl did. Rachel said she was scared. And boy can I ever relate! I’ll never forget the day I found out my mom had cancer. I cried most of the night that night. At this point, it didn’t seem real. I felt like I was in this weird moment in time that was somehow going to all be a big mistake. I just somehow thought there is just no way I can have cancer in my body.



Deryl says........... I was at work when I got the call. We were expecting the results of the biopsy that day or the next. We were both expecting good news. I said hello and heard nothing but my name through intense sobs. Kelley then said “can you come home?” as she busted out in tears again. I said “what is it?” but received no answer. My stomach started to feel queasy. I knew what had Kelley so upset. All I could say was “Is this what I think it is?”. She said a barely understandable “yes”. My heart was in my throat. A shock wave went through my body. The world seemed so unreal at that moment. I immediately left for home. I called my boss to tell him I was leaving for the day. I struggled to get out the words “We just found out Kelley has breast cancer”. It seemed as if this was someone else’s life I was talking about.

As I drove home the main concern in my mind was Kelley and how she was feeling about this. Kelley lost her mother to breast cancer. Her mother was 53 when she died. I knew that would weigh heavy on her mind. I just wanted to be strong for her. Then my thoughts drifted to our girls Heather and Rachel. How would we tell them? What would we say? They knew all about how their grandmother lost her life to breast cancer Would they fall apart? Would they be strong? It was so much to think about in such a short time.

On my way home Kelley texted me and said she was at our friend Brenda’s house and to go there instead of home. When I arrived Tanna and Beth were there speaking encouraging words to Kelley. Her eyes were red from crying. It appeared that all of them had been crying to some degree. I hugged Kelley tight as she began to sob in my arms. I briefly thought “Am I going to lose my wife?”. My fear quickly gave way to a muted type of anger. Not an overwhelming rage but a “We are going to kick cancer in the ass” type of anger.

The rest of the day was spent trying to encourage Kelley and the girls once we told them the news. Kelley went to her women’s community group that night. She considered not going but I said we should not let cancer push us around. She was a leader and teacher in the group and I figured the encouragement from all of those women would be good for her. Besides if Heather or Rachel needed to have a big cry I thought they might want to do it away from their mother’s view. I was surprised that they did not want to talk about it but I didn’t push them. The day was mostly a fog for me. I felt shock and numbness most of the day.

There was a lot of fear in me at times and anger. But there was also a lot of peace and gratitude. I had fear not that I was going to lose Kelley but that she was going to have to suffer. I was angry because I felt like she did not deserve this. I had peace because I knew in my heart that eventually she would be okay. And I had gratitude because so many people were offering their support in so many different ways. I did not know how at the time but I believed that there would be some ultimate good that would come out of this. So many people loved and cared for us. And we had only told a couple of people up to this point.

The day was mostly a fog but a few things really stood out for me. First, that Kelley had a support group around her before I could even get home. Brenda, Beth, and Tanna were such a blessing for us in that moment. Paul, Brian, and Darla were so encouraging just with their presence. Sometimes there is nothing to say to someone going through difficulty. No words would make me feel better. But all of these people who were there and cried with us and just said "yeah this sucks" with us helped. My boss Stephen who told me I could work from home if I needed and was willing to bring a laptop to my house for me so I could be there for Kelley. I knew that although this would not be easy we would not be alone.