Kelley says..................
I guess since my mother had a mastectomy I am more informed about this than most people. I didn't really think about this before. But I am finding that so many people really have no idea the details of what having a mastectomy really means. I am guessing people are pretty curious about what has really happened to me. So I thought I would just try to explain it the best I can. There are so many different surgeries. But what I had was a simple bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction.
The day before my surgery, I had to go see my plastic surgeon. I went in and he took a purple sharpie and marked up my breasts in the exact places so he could know exactly where he wanted the skin to be removed. Basically, they remove a section from the middle including the nipple and then go in and remove all the fat and cells that they possibly can not only in the breast but up to the collar bone, under the arms and back around the sides. If you hugged yourself real tight, where your hands would be is what I am talking about when I say back around the sides. This is why I am so sore in many different places. When they removed the skin from my breast area, they cut nerves so I do not have a lot of feeling in that particular area. However, I do have feeling in all the other places.
They also removed lymph nodes which were clear of any cancer! The lymph nodes are the first place cancer spreads. Our lymph nodes are what helps fight off infection among many other things. Since I have had some removed, I can never again have blood taken from my right arm or my blood pressure taken from that arm. I have to be extra careful not to cut or injure myself on my right arm as well.
After the breast surgeon was done with all of the above, the plastic surgeon came in and put in tissue expanders beneath the skin and pectoral muscle. It is kind of like a saline implant with hardly any saline inside. Once I am healed up from the surgery, I will get a little more saline put in. This way, my skin can stretch and grow slowly over time. I will go in every few weeks to have more saline put in. Then, I will have to go in for a second surgery which will be day surgery to have the tissue expanders removed and silicone put in. Then, I will be done with reconstruction. Unless of course I want to get nipple reconstruction and I really don't know when that will be done, if it will be during or after. But, I am not worried about that right now. The complete process will take up to one year.
That is all I can think of to tell you. But you are always welcome to ask me any questions you like. I hope one day all this information will help other women and their families and friends to be better prepared for what is happening to themselves and their loved one. Really, as far as the pain goes, I don't think it would be too terrible if it weren't for the drain tubes. Which I still have two of by the way!!!! And I am officially SICK AND TIRED of them!!!! But I am SO keeping my fingers crossed that I will get them out next week. I will be so glad when they come out so I can wear some normal clothes and not look pregnant anymore. Of course the holes where the other ones came out just now are almost healed up. So, it takes a while for holes in your body to heal obviously! But, I am ready to get on with this.
I did have a slight break down again today. I am guessing that this must be normal because it seems to happen about every 5 days. I think when I get a glimpse of my new reality, when I realize how my life will truly never ever be the way it was, that is when it is the hardest. And with these drains in, there are just so many things that I am limited to doing. I mean, they just hurt and are uncomfortable. The more I heal everywhere else, the more I feel them there. Besides the fact that I can literally feel the tissue expanders inside there which is a totally and completely GROSS feeling. When I bend over to try and pick something up I can feel something too. Can't really explain it though or think of anything that would help give you an idea of what I am talking about. Just trust me when I say it is a yucky feeling.
Well, I hope you feel more informed. I am happy to share this info with you.
Kelley
Showing posts with label surgery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label surgery. Show all posts
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Recovery Time
Deryl says.......The whole house is asleep right now. Kelley's sister has left to go home. I was so glad she was here to help. It would have been very overwhelming if she wasn't. The combination of all the tasks that need to be done and emotional nature of the situation could make a person crazy. I don't know how people handle this without help. If it weren't for family and friends this would be so much more difficult than it is.
The hardest part of all this is seeing Kelley suffer whether physical or emotional. I was helping Kelley bathe on Saturday and she started crying. She was upset that she couldn't even bathe herself. I can only imagine how it feels to be that helpless. At least she knows that I don't mind helping. I actually enjoy helping her. She looked at her chest this morning for the first time. That was a moment I was really afraid of. I was afraid she would think she looked like a freak and wonder how I could love her. But she didn't even cry when she saw it. She just said it looked much better than she expected which is exactly what I told her after I saw it. Kelley said it might have been much more difficult if not for our good friend who had already been through this. She informed Kelley of all the things she could expect to see, hear, and feel while enduring this process. So there have not been any real surprises for Kelley. And that definitely has made it easier for her.
Kelley told me that my reaction when I first saw her without the bandages has made it easier as well. I was really happy to hear that because I was very concerned about it. I did not want to react in a way that would concern her or make her feel bad. It is not that I was concerned that I would be repulsed. My concern was if it looked like it would be very painful or if it looked like it would cause her to hate the way she looked to herself. I was afraid that if it looked that way I might cry. And even though it would be a cry for her she might read it completely different. The great thing is when I saw her without bandages for the first time I didn't even have time to think about my reaction. Which, she told me, made it even more comforting for her. That is a moment I will always be grateful for because it has made such a positive impact on Kelley.
I can see that Heather and Rachel are going to need to get out of the house more. They are used to being out and about much more than they have been over the last few days. I don't want them to wind up going stir crazy. But they have been very helpful and sweet. I am so very grateful for that.
As for me, I am tired. But I am also hopeful. This won't last forever and knowing Kelley is cancer free is very comforting. We will still have to see an oncologist to find out if she will require chemo or not. Hopefully not but we will cross that bridge when we get there. Right now all the focus is on getting Kelley back to being the energetic wife and mother she was before.
The hardest part of all this is seeing Kelley suffer whether physical or emotional. I was helping Kelley bathe on Saturday and she started crying. She was upset that she couldn't even bathe herself. I can only imagine how it feels to be that helpless. At least she knows that I don't mind helping. I actually enjoy helping her. She looked at her chest this morning for the first time. That was a moment I was really afraid of. I was afraid she would think she looked like a freak and wonder how I could love her. But she didn't even cry when she saw it. She just said it looked much better than she expected which is exactly what I told her after I saw it. Kelley said it might have been much more difficult if not for our good friend who had already been through this. She informed Kelley of all the things she could expect to see, hear, and feel while enduring this process. So there have not been any real surprises for Kelley. And that definitely has made it easier for her.
Kelley told me that my reaction when I first saw her without the bandages has made it easier as well. I was really happy to hear that because I was very concerned about it. I did not want to react in a way that would concern her or make her feel bad. It is not that I was concerned that I would be repulsed. My concern was if it looked like it would be very painful or if it looked like it would cause her to hate the way she looked to herself. I was afraid that if it looked that way I might cry. And even though it would be a cry for her she might read it completely different. The great thing is when I saw her without bandages for the first time I didn't even have time to think about my reaction. Which, she told me, made it even more comforting for her. That is a moment I will always be grateful for because it has made such a positive impact on Kelley.
I can see that Heather and Rachel are going to need to get out of the house more. They are used to being out and about much more than they have been over the last few days. I don't want them to wind up going stir crazy. But they have been very helpful and sweet. I am so very grateful for that.
As for me, I am tired. But I am also hopeful. This won't last forever and knowing Kelley is cancer free is very comforting. We will still have to see an oncologist to find out if she will require chemo or not. Hopefully not but we will cross that bridge when we get there. Right now all the focus is on getting Kelley back to being the energetic wife and mother she was before.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
There is no Place Like Home
Deryl says.......We are waiting for the doctor to come by and release
Kelley today. The surgery went well and she is recovering nicely. She is in
a lot of pain at times but she is handling it well.
The day of the surgery was the worst for me and Kelley. She spent much of
the morning crying and nervous. And I spent it as a jumble of nerves. It
was the most anxious I have ever felt in my life. Even more than when my
preemie daughters were in ICU and on life support. At least then I did not
know it was coming. We have known about this for awhile. It was like a
crescendo of nervous energy that has been building for over a week. As soon
as she was out of surgery and I knew she was ok it all left. But before
that I was fidgety and pacing about.
There are so many points during this journey when you think to yourself "I
cannot believe this is happening". Not in a "why me" way. Instead it just
feels surreal. With cancer you don't look sick or feel sick in the
beginning. There is nothing tangible. There are just pictures you don't
really understand and words from the doctor pronouncing cancer over your
loved one.
Kelley looked so healthy she practically glowed before surgery. That glow
is gone for the moment but you can see the brightness in her eyes
increasing everyday. And she is healthier today than she was Monday.
Recovery is going to be difficult for Kelley. I can see that already. It is
a "two steps forward and one step back" process. She will live and feel
fine eventually. And that is what is most important.
We have had so much support. Friends and family came to our house before
surgery to pray for us. And then more came to the hospital and stayed most
if not all of the day. Kelley loved seeing all of those people. It
encouraged her greatly.
Kelley has handled this amazingly well. She is so sweet and calm with
everyone. Even when she is in great pain she is sweet and endearing to
everyone who comes in to visit. She has had her picture taken with all the
nurses and doctors. I will post a couple of pictures later.
Kelley today. The surgery went well and she is recovering nicely. She is in
a lot of pain at times but she is handling it well.
The day of the surgery was the worst for me and Kelley. She spent much of
the morning crying and nervous. And I spent it as a jumble of nerves. It
was the most anxious I have ever felt in my life. Even more than when my
preemie daughters were in ICU and on life support. At least then I did not
know it was coming. We have known about this for awhile. It was like a
crescendo of nervous energy that has been building for over a week. As soon
as she was out of surgery and I knew she was ok it all left. But before
that I was fidgety and pacing about.
There are so many points during this journey when you think to yourself "I
cannot believe this is happening". Not in a "why me" way. Instead it just
feels surreal. With cancer you don't look sick or feel sick in the
beginning. There is nothing tangible. There are just pictures you don't
really understand and words from the doctor pronouncing cancer over your
loved one.
Kelley looked so healthy she practically glowed before surgery. That glow
is gone for the moment but you can see the brightness in her eyes
increasing everyday. And she is healthier today than she was Monday.
Recovery is going to be difficult for Kelley. I can see that already. It is
a "two steps forward and one step back" process. She will live and feel
fine eventually. And that is what is most important.
We have had so much support. Friends and family came to our house before
surgery to pray for us. And then more came to the hospital and stayed most
if not all of the day. Kelley loved seeing all of those people. It
encouraged her greatly.
Kelley has handled this amazingly well. She is so sweet and calm with
everyone. Even when she is in great pain she is sweet and endearing to
everyone who comes in to visit. She has had her picture taken with all the
nurses and doctors. I will post a couple of pictures later.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Bye Bye Boobies
Deryl says........Well tomorrow is the day. I am surprisingly calm at the moment. I have been very nervous the last couple of days. They gave Kelley some xanax for the anxiety. I should have asked for some as well. I didn't sleep well last night. I don't know if I will be able to sleep at all tonight. It is scary to know what she is going to go through. I feel the most anxiety when I imagine what it must be like to be in her shoes. She is so strong it amazes me.
She came home from the plastic surgeon today and the surgeon had drawn all over her boobs with a permanent purple marker. She has to take a shower tonight and when she is done I am charged with the task of redrawing those lines for her. I asked if I could color them in as well but she said no. I was thinking that it might be fun to draw on her on a regular basis. She could be my canvas! Well, I like the idea but we will see if she does when all of this is over.
We have had a lot of laughter tonight. Kelley's sister is here and our friend Naomi from Oklahoma is here as well. It is moments like this when I cherish family and friends most. Why do we need a crisis to bring everyone together. Even though I have been nervous and Kelley has had her emotional moments this has been a great week. The friends who have been there for us in so many ways has been so humbling. Just laughing and hanging out together at our "Screw Cancer" party. I have loved it. There is so much to be grateful for. It is so much more obvious now. I knew it before but I notice it more often these days. The company I work for is so great. They are letting me work from home while Kelley is recovering. They have been so understanding when I have had to go to doctor after doctor with Kelley. If you are ever looking for a good company to work for I highly recommend Nationstar Mortgage. I think you can tell a lot about a person or an organization by how they treat you in a time of trouble and my company has been nothing but supportive and understanding.
Well my wife is never going to look the same after tomorrow. I have thought about that quite a bit. I have wondered to myself if it was going to bother me at all. But all need is one look at her smiling face to know I could say bye bye boobies forever without one regret. Kelley is not her body. Her looks may be what attracted me to her initially but you cannot stay happily married for 15+ years when your relationship is based on looks. She is an exceptional woman. She has been through so much in her life. She really deserves a break. You would never know that she was raised in poverty by a single mother, lost her 3 month old son to SIDS when she was a teen, lost her mother to cancer when her mother was 53, and is now battling the very same disease that took her mother's life. If you know Kelley you would know that she doesn't live back there in the difficult places of the past. She lives in the moment now more than ever. She is an inspiration to all who know her. I feel honored to be her husband. She feels things so deeply. When she loves someone she love them with all her soul. When she cares for someone she cares sincerely with all her heart. She empathizes so deeply she has to be careful what she gets involved in as it can overwhelm her emotionally. She love all those crazy ladies from her womens group. I don't know what you ladies talk about but I see her smirking and talking on the phone some times to you girls. She will hang up and have a big smile on her face or sometimes tears in her eyes. She tells me she just wants to have an impact on the lives of women. She has obviously been very successful at doing that already.
I think the thing I want to communicate most is that we will be OK. This is not going to be fun. But we will come out on the other side better than we are now. Wear pink tomorrow if you can and please pray for Kelley. Much love!
She came home from the plastic surgeon today and the surgeon had drawn all over her boobs with a permanent purple marker. She has to take a shower tonight and when she is done I am charged with the task of redrawing those lines for her. I asked if I could color them in as well but she said no. I was thinking that it might be fun to draw on her on a regular basis. She could be my canvas! Well, I like the idea but we will see if she does when all of this is over.
We have had a lot of laughter tonight. Kelley's sister is here and our friend Naomi from Oklahoma is here as well. It is moments like this when I cherish family and friends most. Why do we need a crisis to bring everyone together. Even though I have been nervous and Kelley has had her emotional moments this has been a great week. The friends who have been there for us in so many ways has been so humbling. Just laughing and hanging out together at our "Screw Cancer" party. I have loved it. There is so much to be grateful for. It is so much more obvious now. I knew it before but I notice it more often these days. The company I work for is so great. They are letting me work from home while Kelley is recovering. They have been so understanding when I have had to go to doctor after doctor with Kelley. If you are ever looking for a good company to work for I highly recommend Nationstar Mortgage. I think you can tell a lot about a person or an organization by how they treat you in a time of trouble and my company has been nothing but supportive and understanding.
Well my wife is never going to look the same after tomorrow. I have thought about that quite a bit. I have wondered to myself if it was going to bother me at all. But all need is one look at her smiling face to know I could say bye bye boobies forever without one regret. Kelley is not her body. Her looks may be what attracted me to her initially but you cannot stay happily married for 15+ years when your relationship is based on looks. She is an exceptional woman. She has been through so much in her life. She really deserves a break. You would never know that she was raised in poverty by a single mother, lost her 3 month old son to SIDS when she was a teen, lost her mother to cancer when her mother was 53, and is now battling the very same disease that took her mother's life. If you know Kelley you would know that she doesn't live back there in the difficult places of the past. She lives in the moment now more than ever. She is an inspiration to all who know her. I feel honored to be her husband. She feels things so deeply. When she loves someone she love them with all her soul. When she cares for someone she cares sincerely with all her heart. She empathizes so deeply she has to be careful what she gets involved in as it can overwhelm her emotionally. She love all those crazy ladies from her womens group. I don't know what you ladies talk about but I see her smirking and talking on the phone some times to you girls. She will hang up and have a big smile on her face or sometimes tears in her eyes. She tells me she just wants to have an impact on the lives of women. She has obviously been very successful at doing that already.
I think the thing I want to communicate most is that we will be OK. This is not going to be fun. But we will come out on the other side better than we are now. Wear pink tomorrow if you can and please pray for Kelley. Much love!
Saying Good-bye to the Ta-Tas
Kelley says...........
Well, I feel like there should be some kind of ceremony or a going away party for my Ta-Ta's, HA! Out with the old and in with the new, right? I went to the plastic surgeon today and he marked me all up for surgery. So, I have nice purple permanent marker all over my chest area. But he did say that when I take a shower tonight and in the morning Deryl will have to go back over the lines. To which Deryl is happy to to follow the doctors orders!!
Last night, for the first time, I started getting really anxious and nervous. Same thing this morning. But I know people must have been praying because I had an overwhelming sense of peace and calmness come over me. Then, when I got to the doctors office, I was so nervous I felt like I could run laps around the building and I was about to jump out of my skin. Then the doctor came in, marked me all up and then he said the following....."I want you to know something. Tomorrow when you wake up from surgery, you are going to be much healthier than you are standing here today. And from now on, that is how we are going to treat you, like you are healthy. This is all going to be okay and you are going to get through this just fine". I just love this doctor, he is incredible. I instantly felt that peace just come over me again. I have been talking 90 miles and hour so I guess I am still nervous but I don't feel like I am about to have a nervous breakdown anymore!
My surgery is tomorrow at 1:30 but I have to be there at 9:00. I will not be putting the location here on this blog because I wouldn't want any crazy person showing up that I don't even know! So, if you know us personally, you should already know where it is or how to find that out. I will be out of it most of the afternoon and evening tomorrow. So if you want to come it will be for support for my family. I just want to say now that if I am just not up to visiting when you happen to come by, please don't be offended. Because the last thing I can be concerned with right now is hurting anyone's feelings! I know you all will be very understanding as you already have.
I also want to say thank you to everyone I know. I so appreciate the fact that no one shared their opinions with me about the surgery option before I made my decision. You cannot even imagine how much that helped me. I had four weeks to contemplate this and am 100% confident I have made the right choice and have a great peace about it. And it was one me and God decided on alone. I discussed it thoroughly with Deryl of course but even he was completely neutral.
And lastly, my prayer request today is the following...
Love you all!!!!
Well, I feel like there should be some kind of ceremony or a going away party for my Ta-Ta's, HA! Out with the old and in with the new, right? I went to the plastic surgeon today and he marked me all up for surgery. So, I have nice purple permanent marker all over my chest area. But he did say that when I take a shower tonight and in the morning Deryl will have to go back over the lines. To which Deryl is happy to to follow the doctors orders!!
Last night, for the first time, I started getting really anxious and nervous. Same thing this morning. But I know people must have been praying because I had an overwhelming sense of peace and calmness come over me. Then, when I got to the doctors office, I was so nervous I felt like I could run laps around the building and I was about to jump out of my skin. Then the doctor came in, marked me all up and then he said the following....."I want you to know something. Tomorrow when you wake up from surgery, you are going to be much healthier than you are standing here today. And from now on, that is how we are going to treat you, like you are healthy. This is all going to be okay and you are going to get through this just fine". I just love this doctor, he is incredible. I instantly felt that peace just come over me again. I have been talking 90 miles and hour so I guess I am still nervous but I don't feel like I am about to have a nervous breakdown anymore!
My surgery is tomorrow at 1:30 but I have to be there at 9:00. I will not be putting the location here on this blog because I wouldn't want any crazy person showing up that I don't even know! So, if you know us personally, you should already know where it is or how to find that out. I will be out of it most of the afternoon and evening tomorrow. So if you want to come it will be for support for my family. I just want to say now that if I am just not up to visiting when you happen to come by, please don't be offended. Because the last thing I can be concerned with right now is hurting anyone's feelings! I know you all will be very understanding as you already have.
I also want to say thank you to everyone I know. I so appreciate the fact that no one shared their opinions with me about the surgery option before I made my decision. You cannot even imagine how much that helped me. I had four weeks to contemplate this and am 100% confident I have made the right choice and have a great peace about it. And it was one me and God decided on alone. I discussed it thoroughly with Deryl of course but even he was completely neutral.
And lastly, my prayer request today is the following...
- For Deryl & the girls and my family
- That every single person I come into contact with will be extremely nice and caring and have an awesome bedside manner
- That I will have a quick recovery
- That I will not get any infection or have any complications
- And that I will not have to have CHEMO!!!! I still believe in miracles!!!!
Love you all!!!!
Saturday, May 15, 2010
We All Need Someone to Lean On
Deryl says..........The surgery date looms. As it gets closer I find myself getting more nervous. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for Kelley. I realize that this is our last "normal" weekend together. Life will be dramatically different for a long time after this week. Maybe we will get back to a kind of normal but our previous life is gone. That will have its positives and negatives. I do find myself afraid of the unknown. I have some idea from conversations I have had with some wonderful people who have been through this before what to expect. But you never really know until you have been through it. I fear how much Kelley is going to suffer. I fear the girls stressing out their mother with petty bickering. I fear I will lose my temper with the girls or even Kelley from stress. I am not normally a fearful person so feeling all of this tangible fear is strange and uncomfortable. I don't want to let Kelley down during this time. I have lots of offers for help. I welcome all the help. Right now I just don't know what kind of help I will need. I do know that if I am able to come through for Kelley on every front it will be because of the love and support offered by so many.
You know some people look at the world and say why would you want to bring a child into this evil world. But I think most people are basically good and many are exceptionally good. There is nothing that brings out the best in people like a crisis. And there is something especially unique about the sisterhood of cancer survivors. And somehow I get to join the sorority just because I married the right girl. I don't want Kelley to suffer. But I am pleased to meet so many people that are so open about life and their cancer experience. Its like you lose a couple of layers of your ego instantly as you fight death. Priorities change immediately. Things like vanity and political correctness disappear. I have had more conversations about boobs and nipples with women I have barely known in the last week than I have in my entire life. That previous statement may offend some people. And I would have cared prior to April 12th. But now I will have any conversation I need to have with anyone I feel will be helpful without any shame or awkwardness. Because my sole goal in life is to do everything I can to aid my wife in her recovery.
We had an awesome party last night. Our friends Byron and Shai organized it in a couple of days. We called it our "Screw Cancer" pajama party. Our friends brought Kelley new pajamas. She will need some that button in the front since she won't be able to lift her hands above her head for a while. We have pictures on our facebook pages. If you are not friends with us just make a friend request and we will add you. It is amazing to know that I have friends that I have not seen in over 20 years yet still care and are praying for me and Kelley. I love you all and I am not just saying that.
At the party, instead of cocktails I made fresh juice for everyone with our new juicer. Kelley and I have gone on a complete vegetarian diet since the diagnosis and we juice fruits and vegetable 3 times a day for additional nutrients. This is something I never thought I would do. Kelley tried to get me on a juice kick a couple of years ago and I would have nothing to do with it. It is amazing how easy it is now to drink something I thought I would never enjoy. I wonder why it is so much easier to do something healthy for your loved ones than it is yourself. I have always known it was good for us but I could not get past the taste. Now I love the taste.
Kelley and I have decided we are going to start a non-profit to help breast cancer patients. We want to raise awareness, educate women on prevention and early detection, educate caregivers, raise money for more research, and most of all provide financial, emotional, and practical assistance to breast cancer patients. We have not come up with a name for it yet. I was thinking of calling it the Mary Parent (Kelley's Mom) Foundation or Peace, Love, Hope, Cure. But it is early in the process. I wonder if I can get Nancy Brinker and Lance Armstrong to be on our board of directors. That would be fun.
It is funny how often I think of women's breasts now. You may be saying to yourself well "Duh!" your a guy. But I don't mean in any kind of perverted, lustful way. I find myself looking at a woman and wondering if she has ever had a double mastectomy or currently has breast cancer. It is almost as if I see them now as potential health hazards instead of how you would expect a guy to normally see them. Because I look at my wife and think she looks better than ever yet she has a potentially fatal disease. I think that is why cancer is so scary. Because the person looks so normal and healthy. It just makes it hard to register in your mind that all of this is necessary to save her life. I am afraid yet hopeful. Please keep praying for us.
You know some people look at the world and say why would you want to bring a child into this evil world. But I think most people are basically good and many are exceptionally good. There is nothing that brings out the best in people like a crisis. And there is something especially unique about the sisterhood of cancer survivors. And somehow I get to join the sorority just because I married the right girl. I don't want Kelley to suffer. But I am pleased to meet so many people that are so open about life and their cancer experience. Its like you lose a couple of layers of your ego instantly as you fight death. Priorities change immediately. Things like vanity and political correctness disappear. I have had more conversations about boobs and nipples with women I have barely known in the last week than I have in my entire life. That previous statement may offend some people. And I would have cared prior to April 12th. But now I will have any conversation I need to have with anyone I feel will be helpful without any shame or awkwardness. Because my sole goal in life is to do everything I can to aid my wife in her recovery.
We had an awesome party last night. Our friends Byron and Shai organized it in a couple of days. We called it our "Screw Cancer" pajama party. Our friends brought Kelley new pajamas. She will need some that button in the front since she won't be able to lift her hands above her head for a while. We have pictures on our facebook pages. If you are not friends with us just make a friend request and we will add you. It is amazing to know that I have friends that I have not seen in over 20 years yet still care and are praying for me and Kelley. I love you all and I am not just saying that.
At the party, instead of cocktails I made fresh juice for everyone with our new juicer. Kelley and I have gone on a complete vegetarian diet since the diagnosis and we juice fruits and vegetable 3 times a day for additional nutrients. This is something I never thought I would do. Kelley tried to get me on a juice kick a couple of years ago and I would have nothing to do with it. It is amazing how easy it is now to drink something I thought I would never enjoy. I wonder why it is so much easier to do something healthy for your loved ones than it is yourself. I have always known it was good for us but I could not get past the taste. Now I love the taste.
Kelley and I have decided we are going to start a non-profit to help breast cancer patients. We want to raise awareness, educate women on prevention and early detection, educate caregivers, raise money for more research, and most of all provide financial, emotional, and practical assistance to breast cancer patients. We have not come up with a name for it yet. I was thinking of calling it the Mary Parent (Kelley's Mom) Foundation or Peace, Love, Hope, Cure. But it is early in the process. I wonder if I can get Nancy Brinker and Lance Armstrong to be on our board of directors. That would be fun.
It is funny how often I think of women's breasts now. You may be saying to yourself well "Duh!" your a guy. But I don't mean in any kind of perverted, lustful way. I find myself looking at a woman and wondering if she has ever had a double mastectomy or currently has breast cancer. It is almost as if I see them now as potential health hazards instead of how you would expect a guy to normally see them. Because I look at my wife and think she looks better than ever yet she has a potentially fatal disease. I think that is why cancer is so scary. Because the person looks so normal and healthy. It just makes it hard to register in your mind that all of this is necessary to save her life. I am afraid yet hopeful. Please keep praying for us.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Surgery Decision
Kelley says............
After literally weeks of consideration. Talking with doctors, researching, praying, crying, talking to others who have been in my position, I have finally come to a conclusion. There is no doubt that a lumpectomy would be the easiest route for me to take. Much less surgery, less trauma on my body and I wouldn't be out of work as long. But when I really, really think about it, if I decided to go with that type of surgery and someone were to ask me if I felt good about that decision, I would not be able to say yes. When I think of only having the lumpectomy, I don't have any peace about it.
The fact that my mother and her mother both had breast cancer and my mother died from this, regardless of the genetics test, how can I not do every thing in my power to prevent a recurrence? When I said out loud to Deryl that my decision is to have the double mastectomy, as weird as it sounds, I felt happy. I felt a sense of calm and peace come over me. When I realized that this would change my surgery because the plastic surgeon would now have to be involved, I panicked. I called my doctor and she said I may have to reschedule surgery again! I just cried out to God and really believed in my heart that he was hearing me. I asked him to work this out for me. It really seemed impossible because I had to get in for a consultation with the plastic surgeon, make my decision on reconstruction, go back to see the breast surgeon and go in again to see the plastic surgeon and do all of this before next Tuesday!!
My surgeon called me last night at 6:30 and I started putting this into motion. Absolutely everything worked out. She got me in to see her at 1:00 today. I was scheduled to see the plastic surgeon tomorrow at 3:30. I just kept praying for God to work this all out. The plastic surgeon's office called me and asked if I could go ahead and come in today! So, I went to see him at 2:00. AND, my surgery date is still the same. They are actually moving other people's appointments around to make this happen. Is that amazing or what?!
The unfortunate news I found out today is that because of me getting this at such a young age, I will most likely have to get Chemo after all. But I am not letting that worry me right now. I am just going to focus on getting through the surgery and worry about that later. I can only be concerned with what I know now and that is the surgery.
So, my new prayer request is that I have peace and that surgery goes extremely well. That both surgeon's do an excellent job and that I have a speedy recovery with NO complications. And as always, for Deryl and the girls as we travel this journey. And above all, that God's will would be done and accomplished in all of this.
Deryl says....... Well I am relieved that she made this decision. I went back and forth on which direction I hoped she would take. I tried to stay as neutral as possible and not influence her decision. Because ultimately it is her body and her choice. I was planning on titling another post " Hey Doctor Give Me a Mastectomy..... and Make it a Double" but Kelley thought that was too long for a title. There have been so many people who have been such a blessing to us during this time but I want to give a special shout out to Byron and Shai Mitchmore. We have only recently gotten to know them and they have gone above and beyond to be a source of support and compassion and in ways you cannot imagine. Thank you all for your prayers and support.
After literally weeks of consideration. Talking with doctors, researching, praying, crying, talking to others who have been in my position, I have finally come to a conclusion. There is no doubt that a lumpectomy would be the easiest route for me to take. Much less surgery, less trauma on my body and I wouldn't be out of work as long. But when I really, really think about it, if I decided to go with that type of surgery and someone were to ask me if I felt good about that decision, I would not be able to say yes. When I think of only having the lumpectomy, I don't have any peace about it.
The fact that my mother and her mother both had breast cancer and my mother died from this, regardless of the genetics test, how can I not do every thing in my power to prevent a recurrence? When I said out loud to Deryl that my decision is to have the double mastectomy, as weird as it sounds, I felt happy. I felt a sense of calm and peace come over me. When I realized that this would change my surgery because the plastic surgeon would now have to be involved, I panicked. I called my doctor and she said I may have to reschedule surgery again! I just cried out to God and really believed in my heart that he was hearing me. I asked him to work this out for me. It really seemed impossible because I had to get in for a consultation with the plastic surgeon, make my decision on reconstruction, go back to see the breast surgeon and go in again to see the plastic surgeon and do all of this before next Tuesday!!
My surgeon called me last night at 6:30 and I started putting this into motion. Absolutely everything worked out. She got me in to see her at 1:00 today. I was scheduled to see the plastic surgeon tomorrow at 3:30. I just kept praying for God to work this all out. The plastic surgeon's office called me and asked if I could go ahead and come in today! So, I went to see him at 2:00. AND, my surgery date is still the same. They are actually moving other people's appointments around to make this happen. Is that amazing or what?!
The unfortunate news I found out today is that because of me getting this at such a young age, I will most likely have to get Chemo after all. But I am not letting that worry me right now. I am just going to focus on getting through the surgery and worry about that later. I can only be concerned with what I know now and that is the surgery.
So, my new prayer request is that I have peace and that surgery goes extremely well. That both surgeon's do an excellent job and that I have a speedy recovery with NO complications. And as always, for Deryl and the girls as we travel this journey. And above all, that God's will would be done and accomplished in all of this.
Deryl says....... Well I am relieved that she made this decision. I went back and forth on which direction I hoped she would take. I tried to stay as neutral as possible and not influence her decision. Because ultimately it is her body and her choice. I was planning on titling another post " Hey Doctor Give Me a Mastectomy..... and Make it a Double" but Kelley thought that was too long for a title. There have been so many people who have been such a blessing to us during this time but I want to give a special shout out to Byron and Shai Mitchmore. We have only recently gotten to know them and they have gone above and beyond to be a source of support and compassion and in ways you cannot imagine. Thank you all for your prayers and support.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Contemplating
Kelley says............
I don't know where to start. I just SO don't know what to do. I flip-flop back and forth, back and forth between a lumpectomy and the double mastectomy. I mean, this sucks. I'm not gonna lie. This is just a small list of some of the questions and things that are going through my head.
As you can see, I need so much prayer. I can't make this decision without lots of prayer. I've radically changed my diet and think I look great and I feel super great. I sure don't feel like a sick person! I told a friend of mine tonight that if this cancer ever comes back, it sure isn't for a lack of me trying my best to NOT get it. I have changed so many things. If it was something in my environment then I am sure trying to fix that. And really, who knows if it was hereditary or not? Scientists only know of 2 gene mutations for sure that are hereditary with my type cancer. Who knows how many others there are out there. So many questions and so few answers.
The only way to describe this is that I feel like I am playing Russian Roulette. I don't know how else to explain it. I feel like if I could just have another really big cry, I could come to a conclusion. Yet I cannot bring myself to feel any tears whatsoever right now. I'm sure this is just part of the journey. It is amazing how afraid I can be and then on the other hand feel totally fine like this is just not a big deal. I do know that "This too shall pass". And of that, I am very confident.
By this time in three days from now, I will have made a decision. Please pray that it is the right one. For only God knows my future. And only HE knows the plans he has for me.
I don't know where to start. I just SO don't know what to do. I flip-flop back and forth, back and forth between a lumpectomy and the double mastectomy. I mean, this sucks. I'm not gonna lie. This is just a small list of some of the questions and things that are going through my head.
- What if I get the lumpectomy and this comes back in the same breast or the other or both?
- If I get the lumpectomy, I'll have to go through radiation.
- What if I get the double mastectomy and I really didn't need it?
- How would I ever know that for sure?
- If I go with the mastectomy it is much longer recovery.
- If I go with the mastectomy and reconstruction, there will be much more pain involved.
- What in the heck am I going to wear over the summer in between surgery and reconstruction?
- What am I going to wear regardless of which surgery I have?
- Will I ever want my husband to see me naked again?
- What if I get the lumpectomy, they find out it has spread and I have to go back for the mastectomy anyway?
- I won't be able to wear a bathing suit this summer.
- I wish my mom was here to tell me what to do.
As you can see, I need so much prayer. I can't make this decision without lots of prayer. I've radically changed my diet and think I look great and I feel super great. I sure don't feel like a sick person! I told a friend of mine tonight that if this cancer ever comes back, it sure isn't for a lack of me trying my best to NOT get it. I have changed so many things. If it was something in my environment then I am sure trying to fix that. And really, who knows if it was hereditary or not? Scientists only know of 2 gene mutations for sure that are hereditary with my type cancer. Who knows how many others there are out there. So many questions and so few answers.
The only way to describe this is that I feel like I am playing Russian Roulette. I don't know how else to explain it. I feel like if I could just have another really big cry, I could come to a conclusion. Yet I cannot bring myself to feel any tears whatsoever right now. I'm sure this is just part of the journey. It is amazing how afraid I can be and then on the other hand feel totally fine like this is just not a big deal. I do know that "This too shall pass". And of that, I am very confident.
By this time in three days from now, I will have made a decision. Please pray that it is the right one. For only God knows my future. And only HE knows the plans he has for me.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"Friday, May 7, 2010
Genetic Test Results
Kelley says.............
WOO HOO!!!! The BRCA1 and the BRCA2 genetic test came back NEGATIVE!!!! So, every single test now has came back with the results I was hoping for! Praise God and thank you immensely for all your prayers. I am feeling very weird right now. If this test had come back positive then I would have known without a shadow of a doubt which surgery to have done. But now, I have to make a very, very tough choice.
If you have not been through this personally or have not known someone personally who has gone through this you can't even begin to imagine the questions that run through my mind trying to make this kind of choice. Right now, I am leaning towards having the lumpectomy. I meet with the surgeon again on May 13th and I will be discussing with her the recurrence rates on both surgeries so I can make my final decision. She has been SO awesome and I am so glad God put this doctor in my life. She has not rushed me AT ALL to make a decision and for that I am very grateful. I have had almost a month now to have all these tests done, to pray, to have others pray and to wait on God for direction.
Of course, I could have the lumpectomy and then if they get in there and it has spread, I will end up having to have a mastectomy anyway. Oh my goodness, could this be anymore complicated?! But today, I am grateful that God is hearing our prayers. I am SUPER grateful that my daughters, my sister and my nieces will now know their chances of getting breast cancer has not increased! I would have felt awful for all of them if the genetics test would have been positive. Had it been positive, they would have had a 50-65% chance of getting it. So, thank you Lord, thank you Lord!!!!!
Please continue to pray that I will ultimately make the right choice for ME and that no one will judge my decision whatever that ends up being.
This is the scripture I am standing on. Proverbs 16:9 "We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps"
WOO HOO!!!! The BRCA1 and the BRCA2 genetic test came back NEGATIVE!!!! So, every single test now has came back with the results I was hoping for! Praise God and thank you immensely for all your prayers. I am feeling very weird right now. If this test had come back positive then I would have known without a shadow of a doubt which surgery to have done. But now, I have to make a very, very tough choice.
If you have not been through this personally or have not known someone personally who has gone through this you can't even begin to imagine the questions that run through my mind trying to make this kind of choice. Right now, I am leaning towards having the lumpectomy. I meet with the surgeon again on May 13th and I will be discussing with her the recurrence rates on both surgeries so I can make my final decision. She has been SO awesome and I am so glad God put this doctor in my life. She has not rushed me AT ALL to make a decision and for that I am very grateful. I have had almost a month now to have all these tests done, to pray, to have others pray and to wait on God for direction.
Of course, I could have the lumpectomy and then if they get in there and it has spread, I will end up having to have a mastectomy anyway. Oh my goodness, could this be anymore complicated?! But today, I am grateful that God is hearing our prayers. I am SUPER grateful that my daughters, my sister and my nieces will now know their chances of getting breast cancer has not increased! I would have felt awful for all of them if the genetics test would have been positive. Had it been positive, they would have had a 50-65% chance of getting it. So, thank you Lord, thank you Lord!!!!!
Please continue to pray that I will ultimately make the right choice for ME and that no one will judge my decision whatever that ends up being.
This is the scripture I am standing on. Proverbs 16:9 "We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps"
Monday, April 26, 2010
Surgery Update....and what a difference a day makes.
Deryl says..............................Kelley's surgery date has been changed to May 18th. We still are not sure what type of surgery she will be having as we are waiting on the genetics test. I will post it as soon as we know anything.
By the way, today has been a much better day for all of us. Thanks for all of you encouragement and prayers. We love all of you.
By the way, today has been a much better day for all of us. Thanks for all of you encouragement and prayers. We love all of you.
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