We All Need Someone to Lean On

Deryl says..........The surgery date looms. As it gets closer I find myself getting more nervous. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for Kelley. I realize that this is our last "normal" weekend together. Life will be dramatically different for a long time after this week. Maybe we will get back to a kind of normal but our previous life is gone. That will have its positives and negatives. I do find myself afraid of the unknown. I have some idea from conversations I have had with some wonderful people who have been through this before what to expect. But you never really know until you have been through it. I fear how much Kelley is going to suffer. I fear the girls stressing out their mother with petty bickering. I fear I will lose my temper with the girls or even Kelley from stress. I am not normally a fearful person so feeling all of this tangible fear is strange and uncomfortable. I don't want to let Kelley down during this time. I have lots of offers for help. I welcome all the help. Right now I just don't know what kind of help I will need. I do know that if I am able to come through for Kelley on every front it will be because of the love and support offered by so many.

You know some people look at the world and say why would you want to bring a child into this evil world. But I think most people are basically good and many are exceptionally good. There is nothing that brings out the best in people like a crisis. And there is something especially unique about the sisterhood of cancer survivors. And somehow I get to join the sorority just because I married the right girl. I don't want Kelley to suffer. But I am pleased to meet so many people that are so open about life and their cancer experience. Its like you lose a couple of layers of your ego instantly as you fight death. Priorities change immediately. Things like vanity and political correctness disappear. I have had more conversations about boobs and nipples with women I have barely known in the last week than I have in my entire life. That previous statement may offend some people. And I would have cared prior to April 12th. But now I will have any conversation I need to have with anyone I feel will be helpful without any shame or awkwardness. Because my sole goal in life is to do everything I can to aid my wife in her recovery.
We had an awesome party last night. Our friends Byron and Shai organized it in a couple of days. We called it our "Screw Cancer" pajama party. Our friends brought Kelley new pajamas. She will need some that button in the front since she won't be able to lift her hands above her head for a while. We have pictures on our facebook pages. If you are not friends with us just make a friend request and we will add you. It is amazing to know that I have friends that I have not seen in over 20 years yet still care and are praying for me and Kelley. I love you all and I am not just saying that.

At the party, instead of cocktails I made fresh juice for everyone with our new juicer. Kelley and I have gone on a complete vegetarian diet since the diagnosis and we juice fruits and vegetable 3 times a day for additional nutrients. This is something I never thought I would do. Kelley tried to get me on a juice kick a couple of years ago and I would have nothing to do with it. It is amazing how easy it is now to drink something I thought I would never enjoy. I wonder why it is so much easier to do something healthy for your loved ones than it is yourself. I have always known it was good for us but I could not get past the taste. Now I love the taste.

Kelley and I have decided we are going to start a non-profit to help breast cancer patients. We want to raise awareness, educate women on prevention and early detection, educate caregivers, raise money for more research, and most of all provide financial, emotional, and practical assistance to breast cancer patients. We have not come up with a name for it yet. I was thinking of calling it the Mary Parent (Kelley's Mom) Foundation or Peace, Love, Hope, Cure. But it is early in the process. I wonder if I can get Nancy Brinker and Lance Armstrong to be on our board of directors. That would be fun.

It is funny how often I think of women's breasts now. You may be saying to yourself well "Duh!" your a guy. But I don't mean in any kind of perverted, lustful way. I find myself looking at a woman and wondering if she has ever had a double mastectomy or currently has breast cancer. It is almost as if I see them now as potential health hazards instead of how you would expect a guy to normally see them. Because I look at my wife and think she looks better than ever yet she has a potentially fatal disease. I think that is why cancer is so scary. Because the person looks so normal and healthy. It just makes it hard to register in your mind that all of this is necessary to save her life. I am afraid yet hopeful. Please keep praying for us.