Monday, May 24, 2010


Kelley says.............

I've been thinking all day of ways I can document my journey even more. Trying to think ahead of how I can help other women. And I have to say that it just breaks my heart because I know deep down within my soul that I will indeed help other women. I just hate that anyone has to go through this. A lady that I met at Sing for the Cure just broke down and cried when she heard I was about to go through a double mastectomy. Now, I know why. But Deryl and I both are really trying to come up with different ways to help others. As hard as the decision was, I have even had Deryl take pictures starting from the day the surgeon marked me all up for surgery and will continue every week throughout my reconstruction. 

One of the hardest things for me was to listen to a friend of mine who has already walked this road tell me what to expect. But because she was brutally honest, I was not surprised by anything. And I think this will just be a little something extra to help someone else to really grasp not only what to expect mentally but also what to expect when they look in the mirror. I still can't believe the woman I have become. My ability to love and be loved back is so astounding. Anyone who knows me knows I have had a difficult life. The events in my life hardened my heart. 

For the 1st time in 17 years, I was finally able to come to grips with the fact that I have totally and completely missed out on my mother-in-laws love. She has tried for years to love me. I was so afraid that loving her like a mom would be dishonoring to my own mother. And I miss my mom terribly. But this revelation, I believe, is going to change my life. I see where Deryl got his patience and kind heart because his mom has been wonderful with me. I am truly grateful and feel that even though I have missed out and kept her at arms length this entire time, God is going to renew and restore our relationship. Same thing with my sister-in-law. Relationships are a funny thing. I hope you will take a good look at your relationships and not wait for something serious to happen to see what God has been trying to say all along!!!!

1 comment:

  1. I would wait for ever for you. You have given my son such love and happiness. And me two precious grand daughter. I love you Kelley! I looked forward to our future together being closer. I would do any thing for you. If you need anything, I am just a call away.