Friday, May 28, 2010

2 Steps forward, another step back

Kelley says........

Today, my sister-in-law came over and spent the day with me. A good friend came by to visit and she brought me food and a gorgeous pink bag filled with Estee Lauder goodies. Another friend came by and brought her precious 4 week old baby girl and let me hold her for a LONG time. 

About 4 days ago, I noticed a red spot probably about the size of a nickel near the surgery site. When I went in to the doctor yesterday, he said that we really needed to watch it. That sometimes the blood supply to the area doesn't re-establish itself. But he said he wasn't too worried about it but we just needed to keep a good eye on it. Today, it is more purple looking and the skin on top looks kind of like a blister. It doesn't hurt but I don't have feeling there anymore so that really isn't a good indication of anything. 

So anyway, we called him today to tell him about it and they just said that sometimes these things just work themselves out on their own and other times it requires another surgery. I am a nervous wreck. I took a Zanax and it hasn't phased me a bit. I have been so calm and at peace during this whole thing up until now. I have been praying myself and have asked everyone else to pray that I would not have any complications. I don't know why I am having a hard time right now. I just feel like I could totally break down. This is just so hard. This is the 4th occasion that I had a wonderful day during the day and then a major setback. I hate this. I so want to get back to normal. I just want it all to be okay and go on with my life. It is at these times when I realize how serious this is and just SO wish this was just a simple deal and I could move on. 

I have healed so much and made so much progress. I just can't imagine if I had to go in for a second surgery. Even if it wouldn't be near as major as the last one, I don't want to have to endure that. I already will have to have another surgery at the end of my reconstruction and this is all just so overwhelming.

The scripture coming to me right now as I type is "Be still and know that I am God". Hmmmmm, guess I need to meditate on that and go with it. I mean, if God could prompt me to do the self-exam in the first place and detect this so early, surely he can heal me of this and I could wake up tomorrow morning and it be much better! I never realized how much I am depending on all of you to lift me up in prayer. Because right now, I am in tears and feel like I can't do this another day. So please pray for me. I know this is just a rough time at this very moment and the enemy would love nothing more than for me to give up. But that is just not my style. I will have a good cry, dust myself off, and pick myself back up and get through this. 

Thank you all again a million times over for being there for me. I can't tell you how much it means to me to be able to type these words and know that someone is out there reading it who love me and care for me.

I'll keep you all posted.


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