Free boob job? Uh, NO...not so much!!

I just had to share this story. It is the absolute best article I have ever read on this. It is SO true. I bet you 90% of ANYONE I knew and those I didn't even know said it to me..."Well, at least you get a free boob job!!" Well yeah, not so much.....read on and whatever you do, be sensitive and think about how what you say really might mean to someone going through this very thing. I think sometimes when bad things happen to people, we feel like we "need" to say something. But take it from me....you really, really don't. 

I think most survivors would agree that just listening or sitting with the person in silence does complete wonders!! There is just no need to say a word because what the person wants and needs is YOU. 

__________________

Me and My Foobs: What It's Really Like Post-Mastectomy

Before my surgery, I spoke openly about my decision to undergo a prophylactic bi-lateral mastectomy in the wake of a BRCA-1 diagnosis. I'm now about six weeks post-surgery, the (proud?) owner of two brand spanking new "foobs" (fake boobs), and I've had some time to process the new additions.
First, I believe there's a huge misconception among the general populous about what it means to have one's breasts removed and replaced with artificial ones (if they are replaced at all). When speaking about my upcoming surgery, I had many well-meaning people say things like, "Well at least you get new boobs!" and, "Your husband must be so excited... has he picked 'em out yet?"
Yeah, well, it's not quite like that. Not at all, in fact.
It seems that those not in the know tend to equate post-mastectomy reconstructed breasts with augmented breasts or "boob jobs." Nothing could be further from the truth. You see, augmented breasts are actually real live breasts with nipples and healthy breast tissue behind which silicone or saline implants have been placed, either under or above the muscle, thereby pushing them up and out. We all know what augmented breasts look like; some of them look very real, and many of them look stunningly beautiful. If augmented breasts didn't look damn good, breast augmentation surgeries would not be so, ahem, popular.
So even though augmented boobs are often called "fake boobs," they're really not. I, on the other hand, do have fake boobs (or "foobs," as I have become prone to calling them).
What is attached to my chest right now are a pair of silicone implants with no breast tissue in front of them. I am essentially sporting implants covered with skin. There are no real breasts there to hide the fact that my "breasts" are just implants -- man-made, silicone-filled implants which feel like gel-filled bags and ripple when I move certain ways.
And right now, I have no nipples either. Because leaving enough breast tissue behind the nipple to spare it can create more risk, in that cancer can still occur in the tissue left behind. Also, if the surgeon failed to leave enough tissue attached to the nipple, the nipple could become necrotic and die. As in, turn black and fall off.
No thank you. I wasn't that attached to my nipples.
So I opted against nipple-sparing surgery, and currently have long incisions where my nipples used to be. To put it graphically -- but not so graphically that it would require a "warning" tag when published -- I went from looking like this:

To looking like this:


(Hopefully you get the idea, despite my crude pencil sketches.)
And the view from above right now is even weirder for me. I went from seeing this:
To this:
Now, don't get me wrong. I have no regrets about my decision to have preventative surgery. None, whatsoever. I sleep better knowing that I just shaved about 77 percent off of my 87 percent risk of contracting breast cancer in my lifetime. Nor am I unhappy with my results. I had excellent surgeons and my reconstructed breasts look just like they're supposed to look at this stage. I will have skin-grafted, man-made nipples attached in the next few months, and later have color tattooed on them for good measure. The new nipples ("fips") will hide some of the existing scars, and hopefully will be nice and round and perky. But they'll have no feeling. They'll just be there as accessories. Like earrings.
And while I still look cute in a sexy bra, I no longer walk around topless, and now tend to sleep in camisoles rather than in the buff. I'm also somewhat shy around my husband, and am still shocked at times when I look in the mirror. It's an adjustment, for all of us, even my toddler who gently pats the boo-boos she now sees on my chest.
For me, the psychological impact of losing my breasts was much greater than the physical impact. I am healing rapidly and know that the physical scars will fade. I also know that I made the right decision for me and my family. But those of us who either opted to have mastectomies as a preventative measure, or had mastectomies as a life-saving measure, aren't excited about our "new boobs." In truth, we'll never be the same. We see ourselves differently now when we look in the mirror, because we are different, inside as well as outside.
But at least we're here, stronger and wiser for the experience.
Image via Mark Montgomery; sketches via the author.

Follow Joanna_Montgomery on Twitter: www.twitter.com/hellojomo

Curiosity

Kelley says..................


I guess since my mother had a mastectomy I am more informed about this than most people. I didn't really think about this before. But I am finding that so many people really have no idea the details of what having a mastectomy really means. I am guessing people are pretty curious about what has really happened to me. So I thought I would just try to explain it the best I can. There are so many different surgeries. But what I had was a simple bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction.  


The day before my surgery, I had to go see my plastic surgeon. I went in and he took a purple sharpie and marked up my breasts in the exact places so he could know exactly where he wanted the skin to be removed. Basically, they remove a section from the middle including the nipple and then go in and remove all the fat and cells that they possibly can not only in the breast but up to the collar bone, under the arms and back around the sides. If you hugged yourself real tight, where your hands would be is what I am talking about when I say back around the sides. This is why I am so sore in many different places. When they removed the skin from my breast area, they cut nerves so I do not have a lot of feeling in that particular area. However, I do have feeling in all the other places. 

They also removed lymph nodes which were clear of any cancer! The lymph nodes are the first place cancer spreads. Our lymph nodes are what helps fight off infection among many other things. Since I have had some removed, I can never again have blood taken from my right arm or my blood pressure taken from that arm. I have to be extra careful not to cut or injure myself on my right arm as well.


After the breast surgeon was done with all of the above, the plastic surgeon came in and put in tissue expanders beneath the skin and pectoral muscle. It is kind of like a saline implant with hardly any saline inside. Once I am healed up from the surgery, I will get a little more saline put in. This way, my skin can stretch and grow slowly over time. I will go in every few weeks to have more saline put in. Then, I will have to go in for a second surgery which will be day surgery to have the tissue expanders removed and silicone put in. Then, I will be done with reconstruction. Unless of course I want to get nipple reconstruction and I really don't know when that will be done, if it will be during or after. But, I am not worried about that right now. The complete process will take up to one year.


That is all I can think of to tell you. But you are always welcome to ask me any questions you like. I hope one day all this information will help other women and their families and friends to be better prepared for what is happening to themselves and their loved one. Really, as far as the pain goes, I don't think it would be too terrible if it weren't for the drain tubes. Which I still have two of by the way!!!! And I am officially SICK AND TIRED of them!!!! But I am SO keeping my fingers crossed that I will get them out next week. I will be so glad when they come out so I can wear some normal clothes and not look pregnant anymore. Of course the holes where the other ones came out just now are almost healed up. So, it takes a while for holes in your body to heal obviously! But, I am ready to get on with this.


I did have a slight break down again today. I am guessing that this must be normal because it seems to happen about every 5 days. I think when I get a glimpse of my new reality, when I realize how my life will truly never ever be the way it was, that is when it is the hardest. And with these drains in, there are just so many things that I am limited to doing. I mean, they just hurt and are uncomfortable. The more I heal everywhere else, the more I feel them there. Besides the fact that I can literally feel the tissue expanders inside there which is a totally and completely GROSS feeling. When I bend over to try and pick something up I can feel something too. Can't really explain it though or think of anything that would help give you an idea of what I am talking about. Just trust me when I say it is a yucky feeling.


Well, I hope you feel more informed. I am happy to share this info with you. 


Kelley

Saying Good-bye to the Ta-Tas

Kelley says...........


Well, I feel like there should be some kind of ceremony or a going away party for my Ta-Ta's, HA! Out with the old and in with the new, right? I went to the plastic surgeon today and he marked me all up for surgery. So, I have nice purple permanent marker all over my chest area. But he did say that when I take a shower tonight and in the morning Deryl will have to go back over the lines. To which Deryl is happy to to follow the doctors orders!!


Last night, for the first time, I started getting really anxious and nervous. Same thing this morning. But I know people must have been praying because I had an overwhelming sense of peace and calmness come over me. Then, when I got to the doctors office, I was so nervous I felt like I could run laps around the building and I was about to jump out of my skin. Then the doctor came in, marked me all up and then he said the following....."I want you to know something. Tomorrow when you wake up from surgery, you are going to be much healthier than you are standing here today. And from now on, that is how we are going to treat you, like you are healthy. This is all going to be okay and you are going to get through this just fine". I just love this doctor, he is incredible. I instantly felt that peace just come over me again. I have been talking 90 miles and hour so I guess I am still nervous but I don't feel like I am about to have a nervous breakdown anymore!


My surgery is tomorrow at 1:30 but I have to be there at 9:00. I will not be putting the location here on this blog because I wouldn't want any crazy person showing up that I don't even know! So, if you know us personally, you should already know where it is or how to find that out. I will be out of it most of the afternoon and evening tomorrow. So if you want to come it will be for support for my family. I just want to say now that if I am just not up to visiting when you happen to come by, please don't be offended. Because the last thing I can be concerned with right now is hurting anyone's feelings! I know you all will be very understanding as you already have. 


I also want to say thank you to everyone I know. I so appreciate the fact that no one shared their opinions with me about the surgery option before I made my decision. You cannot even imagine how much that helped me. I had four weeks to contemplate this and am 100% confident I have made the right choice and have a great peace about it. And it was one me and God decided on alone. I discussed it thoroughly with Deryl of course but even he was completely neutral.


And lastly, my prayer request today is the following...

• For Deryl & the girls and my family
• That every single person I come into contact with will be extremely nice and caring and have an awesome bedside manner
• That I will have a quick recovery
• That I will not get any infection or have any complications
• And that I will not have to have CHEMO!!!! I still believe in miracles!!!!

And just so you know.......I AM GONNA BEAT THIS AND KICK CANCER'S BUTT!!!!!

Love you all!!!!

Surgery Decision

Kelley says............


After literally weeks of consideration. Talking with doctors, researching, praying, crying, talking to others who have been in my position, I have finally come to a conclusion. There is no doubt that a lumpectomy would be the easiest route for me to take. Much less surgery, less trauma on my body and I wouldn't be out of work as long. But when I really, really think about it, if I decided to go with that type of surgery and someone were to ask me if I felt good about that decision, I would not be able to say yes. When I think of only having the lumpectomy, I don't have any peace about it.


The fact that my mother and her mother both had breast cancer and my mother died from this, regardless of the genetics test, how can I not do every thing in my power to prevent a recurrence? When I said out loud to Deryl that my decision is to have the double mastectomy, as weird as it sounds, I felt happy. I felt a sense of calm and peace come over me. When I realized that this would change my surgery because the plastic surgeon would now have to be involved, I panicked. I called my doctor and she said I may have to reschedule surgery again! I just cried out to God and really believed in my heart that he was hearing me. I asked him to work this out for me. It really seemed impossible because I had to get in for a consultation with the plastic surgeon, make my decision on reconstruction, go back to see the breast surgeon and go in again to see the plastic surgeon and do all of this before next Tuesday!!


My surgeon called me last night at 6:30 and I started putting this into motion. Absolutely everything worked out. She got me in to see her at 1:00 today. I was scheduled to see the plastic surgeon tomorrow at 3:30. I just kept praying for God to work this all out. The plastic surgeon's office called me and asked if I could go ahead and come in today! So, I went to see him at 2:00. AND, my surgery date is still the same. They are actually moving other people's appointments around to make this happen. Is that amazing or what?!


The unfortunate news I found out today is that because of me getting this at such a young age, I will most likely have to get Chemo after all. But I am not letting that worry me right now. I am just going to focus on getting through the surgery and worry about that later. I can only be concerned with what I know now and that is the surgery.


So, my new prayer request is that I have peace and that surgery goes extremely well. That both surgeon's do an excellent job and that I have a speedy recovery with NO complications. And as always, for Deryl and the girls as we travel this journey. And above all, that God's will would be done and accomplished in all of this.

Deryl says....... Well I am relieved that she made this decision. I went back and forth on which direction I hoped she would take. I tried to stay as neutral as possible and not influence her decision. Because ultimately it is her body and her choice. I was planning on titling another post "   Hey Doctor Give Me a Mastectomy..... and Make it a Double"   but Kelley thought that was too long for a title. There have been so many people who have been such a blessing to us during this time but I want to give a special shout out to Byron and Shai Mitchmore. We have only recently gotten to know them and they have gone above and beyond to be a source of support and compassion and in ways you cannot imagine. Thank you all for your prayers and support.