Tuesday, May 18, 2010

My Pity Party

Deryl says........I am sitting here with family and friends. I will be taking Kelley to the hospital in a few minutes. I didn't sleep much last night. I snapped at Rachel a couple of times last night. At one point I just broke down in tears. It was a combination of what is coming  and feeling guilty for snapping at her. I know they are just kids but last night when they started bickering I just lost it. Rachel is more stubborn and will push back more so she winds up getting the brunt of things like this. I wish I could just remember to breath deeply a few times before I say anything. Please pray for me in this area as I know the girls are struggling emotionally as well. I want to be the father they need at the moment instead of reacting the way I did last night. I love them so much and I feel like I am failing them during this trying time, especially Rachel. I am expecting them to see everything that is going on the same why I do and that is probably asking too much of them. Please pray for the girls that they will be ok emotionally during this time and that they will be understanding and forgive me for the way I spoke to them last night. I just want my wife to be ok and when they argue I just go into protector mode for Kelley. Anyway, I just feel like a bad father right now. Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself. Please be extra kind to them if you see them as I am sure they can use it right now.


  1. We are human, but I know what you mean. I will pray for your sweet girls! I know that Kelley is in our Healers hands today!!

  2. You are NOT a bad father! Don't allow yourself to go there, you know better. What you are experiencing is normal. They say awareness is the first step in the battle. You have identified that perhaps you were "short tempered" stem by your own emotional overload. I think it's ok to say that to the girls...."Daddy is sorry, but we have to ban together for Mommy right now."

    Kids are more intuitive than we adults sometimes realize. I'm of the opinion that it's ok to just call a "time-out" and pull the girls aside and say "let's talk this out".....in fact, I think maybe a special time each week to have open discussion would be a good idea. Sometimes it's easier to open up to a neutral third party or a close family friend than it is to talk "about Mom" in front of Mom. These are just a few thoughts that have been going through my mind the last few days. My family has battled cancer with children around(several times) and I'd like to think we've learned something through our experiences.

    Praying for each of you, for different reasons! God Bless and hold you through this journey!

  3. Wow, you two are amazing. I just sat here reading the last 3 posts and I am crying like a baby. Deryl, all of the words you spoke about Kelley are SO true. She does love deeply and that is why we love her so much and why we are hurting so much right now with her. Thank you for sharing all of that. I am praying for your family today, I know it will be a difficult one. But Kelley the doctor is so right...you are going to be so much healthier after today.

    I am here if you guys need anything. Please ask. You know I will do anything for you Kelley. I asked God to just hold you tight in His hands this morning and I know He will be faithful to do that. I love you, Tanna