When hell freezes over, and only then.

That will be the exact moment I trust men again. I am not even sure I have a desire to even "want" to trust them again. You know me, I am just telling you like it is. Why sit here and try to sugar coat anything? I'm not even trying to trust them. You may be thinking to yourself, this sounds sad or harsh or maybe you are worried or concerned about me.

Well, you all know what I have been through with men. I'm sure you understand on some level where I am at. I do trust my brother, a wonderful pastor here in Georgia who I have known for a very long time, and my best friend's husband. If I had even a sliver of hope that one day I would be able to trust men again, it all went out the window when a married, lead pastor contacted me recently out of the complete blue and told me he has been attracted to me for years and has dreamt of having sex with me. Yep, that just happened. Mind you, I have talked to this man ONCE on the phone shortly after I left Texas and the conversation was ministry related.

Not only that, this person knows what I have been through and endured. Knows fully the hurt that has happened in my life as a direct result of men and men in leadership. So, to say that I am hurt, angry, very confused, sad, afraid, furious, that would all be a tremendous understatement. I sometimes feel like the walking dead when it comes to the open wounds I have. I feel like my skin can barely contain them.

But, I can tell you this my friends, I am indeed a survivor. I have survived more things than most of my close friends will endure combined in their lifetimes. If I can overcome the things that I have overcome and still be standing, I can beat this too. I have been through far too much to give up now. When this happened, it was the second of three very serious negative events that took place in my life in a 24 hour period.

I realized how very far I have come since waking up alive in that hospital bed in January, 2013. Here I am off of ALL my medications. And, I did it. I have to admit that I was going to a job the day after the pastor incident and I cried all the way there. I told God, he must not EVER want me to be with a man again after this. I cried out to him and got through it. After my job that day, I was talking to my oldest daughter later in the afternoon and I told her that even though these three big things had just happened, I felt empowered. I used it as fuel for my journey in healing and discovery of who "Kelley" really is. I actually felt on top of the world because I came to realize that depression is no longer kicking my ass, but I am kicking its ass!!

WHEW!!! That was an incredible feeling. So, I leave you with this thought...

"Thoughts are like steps. They will take you to a destination. Where is it that you would like to go?" ~Kelley McElreath

You may wonder how I reconcile all of this. Well, I know I trust me. And for now, I have to be happy and content with that. I can tell you this, since my husband walked out that door never to return, there has only been a very rare occasion that I have wavered in my trust in the Lord. He has taken such wonderful, wonderful care of me and the girls. So, one thing I know for sure is that we make a hell of a good team. I think I'll be keeping HIM around for a long, long time. :-)

"Buy a pair, save a pair!!"

I'm SOOOO excited to launch "Buy a pair, save a pair!" And it couldn't happen at a better time than on my 4 year cancer free anniversary.

I'm selling hand-painted, personalized (by ME), cancer survivor canvas shoes!! These are mine. With every pair you buy, some of the proceeds will go to help fund my "Sewing for Tata's" gown ministry.

I believe that NO woman should have to be diagnosed with cancer and wear a dingy, worn out gown to any hospital or doctor's appointment. She should be GIVEN a gown to wear that is nice and makes her feel pretty in spite of what she is enduring. You can read more about that ministry here...Sewing for Tata's. 

A pair like these are $50.00 plus shipping and handling cost of $9.95 priority mail. This price is only good through the end of June. More styles to come as I build the business.

You can contact me at kelley@feelthetatas.com to place your order and this type shoe comes in sizes 6/7, 7/8, 9/10. If I can't find this kind in your size the cost of the shoe will be $25.00 more or possibly less if I find them cheaper. OR, you could buy them and mail them to me.

Kelley

The journey back home to Texas

Well, many people are contacting me and lots of questions are being asked. SO, I thought I'd just blog about it so I can just answer everyone at the same time.

My oldest was accepted to Georgia State. I have been wanting to get back to Texas, but since she was accepted I just decided that I should wait until she got through with college. My youngest lives with her dad. As we started filling out FAFSA forms, going to orientations, visiting the school, etc it just never seemed like that was where she would go. I never mentioned this to her because I wanted to give her my full support.

We went to the BIG on campus orientation and when we got there, there was a panel of students answering questions from new students. One of the students on the panel said that his favorite quote was, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." Before the event was even half way over, my daughter told me she was ready to go because she didn't want to miss the shot of going back to Texas. This just confirmed to me that we were supposed to come home.

I grew up in Texas. My older brother and older sister live in Texas. I have an adopted family in Oklahoma and they are a HUGE part of my life. I just can't see myself going the rest of my life being this far from those people. AND, I have lots of friends in Texas!! As soon as we made the decision, God just started opening doors.

We are just following God's lead. It's funny because I am a real planner and very organized. But, when it comes to major moves, I am just lead by the holy spirit, period. We moved from Oklahoma to Seattle, WA without a place to move into when we got there. People thought we were crazy to do that, but God was in it and everything worked out beautifully. We did the same thing, moving from Washington to Georgia. When we moved from Georgia back to Texas the first time, Deryl didn't even have a confirmed job offer! But, each and every single time, God worked everything out.

This time is different because it will just be me and my oldest. I am single now and have to do it all on my own. BUT, I still have God, and he ALWAYS has my back...period. My daughter will stay with my ex sister-in-law. We will be traveling to East Texas to see my sister and to Oklahoma to see our adopted family there. Honestly, when I am not traveling, I have no idea where I will stay.

I am not positive about the city I want to live in yet. I have my own business and can pretty much live wherever I want to. I'm leaning towards McKinney or that vicinity right now so I won't be too far from Oklahoma as I know I will be there often. I am praying God opens the door for me to find someone who has an extra room with a separate entrance or something like that to live during the summer when I am not traveling. Maybe I'll just stay at an extended stay. I work from home so that makes things easy.

When making BIG life changing decisions, I try to be led by my peace and by what feels right. Staying in Georgia doesn't feel right at all. I know God is calling me back to Texas. There are a LOT of details that I just haven't figured out yet. But, I know God is in the details and I trust HIM. So far, as I hand over all my cares and concerns to The Lord, everything has worked itself out. So, we will be heading to Texas on June 4th. I have business in Dallas, so that will take up some of my time in June. But, we are both very excited to see what God has in store for us.

Please pray for wisdom, guidance, provision and for God to provide the perfect place for me to live until I figure out where I want to plant my feet. My daughter will also need guidance and provision to start college in Texas.

Can't wait to see you all!!!! I also can't wait to meet some of my Texas blogger followers and Facebook friends that I haven't met yet!! Let the journey begin!!