Worship is the answer

Well, I know all of you who have followed me from the beginning know that I have struggled to say the least in the past few years. Ya know, anyone who knows me knows that I love God with all my heart and that I know 100% that HE and HE alone is my only hope.

I feel like I blogged my journey from the day I was diagnosed all the way through the hurricane that hit my marriage and then kinda just stopped. Well, not kinda....I guess I really did. It was just a blog here and a blog there. The past year will eventually be told but it just isn't time yet. Most of you reading this know I am just totally raw, open and real so just know that when God releases me, I'll be one bloggin' fool!

But I can say this, over the last 12 months I have let the enemy down right steal my joy, my freedom, my faith, and even myself.  As much as I know my husband cannot meet my needs and only God can, I looked to him to do so and didn't even realize what I was doing. Slowly but surely, one tiny event that lead to another ended up with me basically letting the enemy rule my life and take it right out from under me.

About 4 weeks ago, I started really worshiping God in the mornings before I started any devotions or quiet time. Slowly but surely I just felt myself getting stronger. The scripture came to me "If God be for you, who can be against you." I started hearing this scripture in sermons I would listen to, in books I would read, in my daily devotions, my best friend sent it to me in a text. This week I went into my coworkers office and she having no idea about anything in my life had changed her screen saver to that very scripture.

God started revealing to me that I just MUST surrender to HIM. I MUST. He started whispering in my ear that I MUST trust him, trust him fully, surrender to HIM FULLY. I am such a worshiper and the closer I get to God the more I realized my thought life was ruling me completely. As I would wake up each day and start with worship I realized how much better it made my days. It made my attitude better, it was slowly changing me. Finally, I realized that the answer is worship. We all know this scripture, right?

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

But how in the heck do we really live that out? Especially since I had totally given the enemy complete dominion over my mind and thoughts. As I worshiped my mind was totally on Jesus, every word, every phrase brought me peace. So I at least realized this was where God wanted me to start and that is where I am at. I don't know who else needed this today but I'm here to tell you that worship is indeed the answer. Are you weary? Are your thoughts out of control? Is fear dominating your life? Then start to worship. Listen to the words. Even if you have to loop a song, do it! There is a song I have been looping all week and it is by Third Day, it is called "I need a miracle." You should go find it on youtube and listen to the words and really soak it in. You'll be blessed, I just know it. 

The real Kelley has been gone for quite some time. And through a series of events that have lead me to this very moment, I will share with you over time, but for now I know deep in my heart that the Kelley the enemy has had in hiding is coming back. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me and my future.  And I know for fact that he has big plans for YOU too.

"Sewing for Tatas" update!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is going to be my favorite blog post yet!!!! The first picture is of my dear friend LaVonne. She is close to 70 years old and is one of the volunteers that I manage at my day job. And let me tell you, she runs circles around me! She was the first one in Georgia to start sewing for me. It was her idea to make the little pillows to put under your arms after surgery and you can also use them to protect your stitches from the seat belt. She is awesome, awesome, awesome!!

Next is the second volunteer that I have sewing for me. Her name is Darla and she is SO awesome as well. She actually ordered www.feelthetatas.com tags to put in the gowns and paid for them herself!! What a blessing!!!!

The last picture is of Max. I went to a support group in Dallas called "Sisters". My good breast cancer friend Michael went there as well. My ministry has finally gotten big enough that I was able to send the "Sisters" group a box full of gowns. Max was the first recipient of one of my gowns. Oh, what joy this ministry has brought to me. Cancer sucked, don't get me wrong. But, it brought me to so many wonderful people that I otherwise would have never met in my entire life. I don't blame God. I don't blame chance. I focus on all the wonderful things it did for me. And you know what, it did some wonderful,, wonderful things for me. I met my dear friend Michael who is black. In any other circumstance we would have just passed each other by. But this was a God encounter and I have had SO many other God encounters with other survivors that it is just unreal!!!!

I know most of you follow my blog and know about "Sewing for Tatas". But, the ministry is growing. There are cancer patients EVERYWHERE!! I need monetary donations and/or donations of material. So far, myself, LaVonne and Darla spend our own money to make this ministry happen. A local church had a fund raiser and I was their first recipient of the funds!! It was so exciting. They bought me material and binding tape and stuffing for the pillows as well. It was very, very, exciting.

So, pray for this ministry and/or donate whatever you can! I know you all know someone who has been touched by cancer in their lives. So give back and touch the lives of these cancer patients!! And thank you in advance for your support.

Love,

Kelley

TEMPTATIONS

Meet Lily. Isn't she just adorable? The girls and I went to Wal-mart and there were several signs that said "Maltese/Shitzu puppies for sale". Anytime we see a sign for puppies I never, ever stop. We all know the consequence to stopping just to "look" at a puppy. It's kinda like stopping just to check out a new car.

Our current dog has diabetes and he is the best dog I have ever in my life owned. But he has had a lot of health issues and has cost us an incredible amount of money. I'll be SO sad when he leaves this earth but the thought of going through this again with a dog just does not sound appealing. That is until you hold a sweet little girl like this one pictured in your hands. So calm, so sweet, so irresistible.

Rachel was the worst. She wanted her SO, SO bad. She told me all the reasons we needed her as I backfired with all the reasons we did NOT need her. After we ALL held her and fell in love with her I just knew it was time for me to walk away and go back to the car and pass her off to someone else. I did. Rachel was the last to come to the car. When we got to Wal-mart we just couldn't stop talking about her. I asked the girls what in the world would we name her if we did get her. Rachel came up with the name Lily and it just stuck. Even though we will probably never lay eyes on Lily again, that is her name to us.

Later on that day, I was alone with Heather and we were talking about Lily. What an amazing opportunity for me to parent Heather. I told her that the situation with Lily is EXACTLY like ANY kind of temptation or sin. Temptation with food, alcohol, sex, drugs, gossip, judging, you name it. When we are in the moment it just feels SO RIGHT! It feels so good and wonderful and you feel like you just MUST have it right that instant. Everything in our flesh screams "I want this", "I deserve this", "Why shouldn't I let myself have this?" But it really doesn't last long.

For instance, I want a newer 4 Runner. Mine has 130,000  miles on it and I would really like a new one. But if I went to just "look", I would end up getting one and would probably be unable to resist. We really do know ourselves, if only we would just admit it. Many spouses "lust" for just one look. But then that look turns into much more than just a look. I've gained 30 pounds and have lost 15. But every time I am tempted to eat something I really shouldn't, I have to fight with my flesh to make the right choice. If I don't, I pay no matter what. If I choose to cheat in anything in life, I will pay according to my very own consequences.

I was able to explain this to Heather and fully detail for her how our flesh works and how easily we succumb to it. Isn't that awesome?! My point is that the simple answer is to just walk away. Temptation really doesn't last that long. Try to follow a rule that you determine. Say 15 minutes for example. If you still want that piece of dessert or to go eat seconds after 15 minutes... AFTER you have walked away, then let yourself have it. If the temptation is something bigger like cheating on your spouse, walk away and seek God. Even if you are deciding on a big purchase, if you don't have complete peace, you should walk away. If it is meant to be, it will still be there when you go back.

I have discovered that having two blogs is really, really difficult. I just don't have time to maintain the two. I've always had a huge following on this blog but the other one just has never picked up. SO, I will leave the other one up but I am going to just start updating this one regularly. My story, is my story. It is all intertwined together and I KNOW "Feel the Tatas" was a God idea. So, I at this time feel led to share my life on this blog whether it has anything to do with cancer or not. Do you agree? Please leave me comments. I love hearing what you all have to say. Even though you don't usually say much! But I truly do value every readers opinion. Thank you for being faithful readers to this blog through the good times and the bad, following me all along my journey.

Love to you ALL,

Kelley

Chemo and weight gain

When my mom had cancer 20 years ago and she went through chemotherapy, she lost so much weight because she was so sick. Well, a lot has changed in 20 years! I'm not gonna lie, when I found out I was going to have to get chemo I thought well at least there will be one positive thing about all this....I'll lose weight.

At this point I had been eating raw foods and fresh juices since the day I was diagnosed. I had lost about 15 or so pounds and looked great. When I found out about chemo the nutritionist told me I couldn't eat like that anymore because there was too much risk in me getting an infection from bacteria or whatever on fruits and veggies.

So needless to say, I pretty much just ate whatever tasted good which was Mexican food and a bunch of other junk. With all the steroids you take you are starving all the time it seems. And really, I think I gained weight whether I ate too much or not! It was terrible.

Since finishing chemo I did lose the 20 pounds of weight I gained only to turn around and gain 30!!!! I know a lot of you who have had chemo have struggled with the same thing. Well, last Tuesday I started the Glycemic Index diet and have lost 9.4 pounds now!! So I only have 20 more to go. You can Google it and find out all about it. I also went to the library and got every book they had on it so I could see what all I could eat and what kind of recipes I could make.

It's been relatively easy. And this is the first weekend I have made it through without blowing it on the weekend. And this is the first week I really stuck to it. I don't think I've ever lost weight this fast in one week but I am really excited about it. Deryl is doing the same thing only he doesn't eat fruit, bread, rice or pasta and he lost 5 pounds the first two days! So, just wanted to throw that out there for those of you struggling with your weight. It's at least worth a shot, right?

Do you ever get stinkin' tired of being a Christian?

Sometimes I just wonder how many people "question" my Christianity. I really do. If you keep up with my two blogs, you know that there are actually people out there who literally "doubt' God......they "doubt" their OWN faith because of my life and the hand I have been dealt. I know some people wonder how I am still standing, how I am still alive. I can't lie, I wonder some of these very same things for my own self.

Life can never be fully explained. I truly believe with ALL of my being that God treats us and disciplines us like we are his ONLY child. I believe that we are made for FAR greater things than we could EVER, EVER imagine. When I first started this blog, I had literally THOUSANDS of readers. Now, it is about 100-200 regular visitors. I will say this now and I will believe it until the day I die that I WILL be a WORLD changer. I don't know how long and I don't know to what magnitude but I WILL continue to make it. I will work my butt off until I am released from the Holy Spirit to do otherwise.

Where I work it  is TRULY a complete GIFT of God. Growing up in poverty, I see everything from a different perspective. Would you like to be involved? Maybe you could fly out for a week. Maybe you could  come for a day or two and just do data entry for me. MAYBE....you could transalte for us. Maybe you could make a REAL difference in somone's  life!!!!!! PLEASE, whatever God is speaking to you right now....will you be so kind to share it with me no matter how silly it sounds....PLEASE!!!!!!!!  I know my life's calling is to give people hope who are hopelessly desperate! God, WANTS to work in you life.......He truly, truly does!!!

Thank you to everyone who has volunteered this week. You have made a tremendous impack on our families. I love and appreciate ALL of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kelley Mac

A must read for EVERY dad...

Well, today, May 16th, 2012 my father died. And what did I "feel"? Absolutely nothing. No emotion whatsoever. Think about it, think about your child or children right now at this very moment. Could you imagine them grown? Could you imagine screwing up so bad that when they got married you not even being invited to the wedding? Could you even imagine dying and every one around you feeling relieved? This is my story.

My father left my mother for another woman when I was about 4 years old. I was the baby and a total daddy's girl.  I loved, loved, loved my daddy. Shortly after he got a job and moved to another city. I have a brother 9 years older and a sister 10 years older. To avoid paying child support for my brother and myself for that matter, he tried moving and avoiding paying. My mom worked two jobs my ENTIRE life to try to make ends meet. She would ask him to help and it was like pulling teeth to get him to help.

I remember an occasion where we didn't have any food. Literally we had ONE piece of stale bread left. My mom handed it to me. I tore it in half and gave it to her. I'll never forget that look in her eyes. Never. To think that at this time I knew my dad could help if he just wanted to. But, he did not. Miraculously after much prayer, my mom's boyfriend brought us groceries that very night. It was my first experience seeing a miracle happen before my very eyes.

Years went by and because of a court order I was MADE to spend time with my dad and my mom couldn't do anything about it. It was a miserable time and I hated every second of it. The older I got the less I saw him. I had no respect for him. He was extremely hard to get along with and because he hurt my mom SO bad and I watched him neglect me over the years I just couldn't get past it.

My brother is gay. As soon as my father found out, he gave my brother a piece of his mind and NEVER spoke to him again. Mind you, my brother is my rock through and through. Do I wish he wasn't gay? Yeah, I do. I think his life would be easier. But you know what? He has been with the same person for over 30 years. They both treat me and my children so very good. They both do for us more than my father EVER even thought of. As a matter of fact, my father really never did absolutely anything that I can remember out of the goodness of his heart. But, that is me. I actually have been thinking all day long and I cannot remember a single good memory of me and my father.

I know my brother and sister have a different experience because they are so much older than me. My dad actually has 4 children but only spoke to my sister. Why? I truly believe it was because of 100% pride and nothing else. His need to be right...to prove a point. Dad's, please don't do this to your family. Thinking of divorce? You better re-think it real quick. Divorce has LASTING implications on EVERYONE involved.

As Father's Day approaches, what kind of dad do you want to be? Are you letting your pride stand in the way? What kind of legacy are you leaving to your children? When your time comes, what do you want your children to be able to say at your funeral? These are profound questions that you should seriously consider. Father's can make a HUGE impact on their children. It is about time that fathers step it up!! Let go of your pride and make a difference. You have SO much to offer your children and grandchildren. Do something you can be proud of....with no regrets. Even if you have regrets, start over TODAY....make a difference in your children's lives and the generations to come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Nosey Angel

I don't even know where to start this entry! When I was first diagnosed, literally just days before my surgery, I got free tickets to go to "Sing for the Cure" in Dallas. We went and it was SO awesome. But before the event started, we were walking around and we saw these "two guys" wearing pink suits and pink shoes, one of them had on a pink hat too! I am saying in this blog post "two guys" because the first time I mentioned the dad in a post I said I met "a big black guy". I think some people got offended by that. But I don't see color!! If he was a big white guy, I would have said "a big white guy"!!

Anyway, we saw them and immediately went up and were just so excited that the dad and son would support their wife and mother like that. Well, as it turns out, the DAD was the breast cancer survivor!! I couldn't believe it. We took their pictures and later on we ran into them again and I took my picture with them. We talked for a bit and he encouraged me and told me a little bit about his story and I think he gave me his card or I gave him my info...I can't even remember right now. So, keep in mind that this was at the Myers Symphony Center which is huge. We go get our seats and lo and behold, they are both sitting next to us!!!! I was like..."uh, NO WAY!?!?" I knew right then God was up to something.

After the event we saw each other again and he encouraged me more and I told him how nice it was to meet them and then what else would I do but give him a big hug! I saw his eyes light up and he smiled SO big. I'll never forget the look on his face as long as I live. It is a shame to say that his eyes lit up because he was so surprised that this white girl would give him the time of day much less a big fat HUG! This man e-mailed me, called me, encouraged me and he hasn't stopped doing so to this very moment. We are friends for life. I get him and he gets me too.

It is really weird because if we would have just met on the street, we probably wouldn't have become friends. But this was a God ordained moment. A moment in time that bonded us together forever. I have been desperately needing to "feel" God's love. And oh what a week it has been. He has shown me every single day how much he loves me. The first two days of the week I got totally random complements from two different people. Yesterday, right when I felt like I was about to bust into tears, my hubby called me. I didn't have time to answer but it was nice to know that he was thinking of me. Today, my bosses wife sent a beautiful single rose with him for ME to work. Just because.

I say all of this to say that you just never know who's ANGEL you might be. This "guy" I am talking about, his name is Michael. Funny, I just realized I've known him all this time and I don't even know his last name. Every time he calls me, he calls me "sis". I just love it!! No one calls me "sis" but him and it thrills my heart to hear it! OH, and by the way, his nickname is "Dr. Nosey" because he asks so many questions! But I love it.

When we have a "thought" or and "idea" we need to stop and ask ourselves is this just a random thought or something God might be up to that will drastically impact the life of someone else. Michael bought me the angel in the picture. I guess you could say he's like my hero. "LET" someone else impact your life or better yet, GO IMPACT THEIRS!! And don't you dare let FEAR stop you from doing so!! It could change their life FOREVER!