Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Kelley says...........

When I was younger, I would see other women in church who loved the Lord so much. They seemed so wise, so strong in the Lord, so "perfect". I wondered how in the world someone came to know the Lord in that way. I would worship God, I would pray, I would read the word and do devotions to no avail. I loved God. But I didn't have what they appeared to have. 

I work on staff at a church. Now it seems I am on the other side of all that. I know people who don't know those of us on staff us have thoughts that we are untouchable, we are perfect and have it all figured out. I'm guessing there are people who like me wondered how you get to know God so well and love him so deeply. Let me just tell you that if you ever feel like this or have these thoughts that they are straight from hell. I look back at those ladies and the discovery I made about them is that they not only knew God so well but they also knew their enemy.

I'm sure people love God. I'm sure there are "good" Christians. You know, go to church on Sunday's, don't commit murder, their "good" people so their good, right? Well, what I have discovered is that I am now the person who loves God SO deeply and that he is my everything. And the enemy has tried to take EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING from me in my 41 years of life. He has taken a child from me. He has taken a parent from me. He has tried to take my life and is now trying to take more. I thought after Deryl lost his job in 2009 that nothing could be worse than that. Then in 2010 when I got cancer I said to myself that I wouldn't dare say it couldn't get worse. As it turns out, it doesn't matter if you say it or not. If you are doing God's work and you are reaching out to others.....if you are seeking God with all your heart and being obedient to him, you better watch out. This isn't a game and definitely no walk in the park. If you truly want to be "ALL IN" for God you are going to HAVE to pay a price.

I don't feel like I can go into what is going on in my life right now on a public forum but it looks like I put my boxing gloves up a little too soon. I feel like if you are a sold out believer, you better put those gloves on and KEEP them on. The enemy is out to kill, steal and completely destroy. And he will stop and absolutely NOTHING to accomplish it. So if you have ever looked at me or read my blog or felt those feelings about someone else and wished you could have their looks, job, kid's, marriage, their life because you have them on a pedestal, think again. Most likely they have been to hell and back many times. Most likely they are either currently IN the ring fighting or the bell has just rung and they took a quick breath and are right back to fighting the next round. If you see someone you aspire to be like, PRAY. PRAY with all your might for that person because they didn't become that overnight. Boy would it be so much easier to just live a life that was completely selfish. Just do whatever I wanted whenever I felt like it without any concern if I was living God's way. 

Funny thing is, I have been studying the book of James every single day this year. Right from the start it says to count it all joy when you go through trials and that it is building character in you and making you able to handle anything that comes your way. I know it isn't by accident God lead me to read this chapter and commit to reading it all year. But come on already, when do I get a break. I think maybe it is selfish of me to want a break. Jesus didn't get one. Who am I to expect anything more than the one who paid the ultimate price. 

I can't make it alone. I know people prayed for me regularly last year and maybe you thought all is well and haven't prayed anymore. Prayer warriors, I am asking you to pray for me and my family like you have never prayed for me before. I have had a recurrence. Not physically, but emotionally and an attack on my family like I have never endured before to this degree. Please pray for God to give us wisdom and for a hedge of protection around us. That God would give angels charge over us and that he would go before us as he says he will do in his word in Deuteronomy 31:8...."The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”


  1. Kelley,
    You are in the ring...maybe even on the ropes....but you have a great support system in your corner, friends cheering you on, and the almighty God that stands before you. You are an inspiration to me and so many other women and I know once they read this post they will be falling on their knees before God in intercession for you and your family. FIGHT....FIGHT....FIGHT.

    I love you my sweet sister and I stand in the gap for you!!!


  2. Oh have not been forgotten, nor have you fallen off the prayer list. Funny thing is, just this morning I was thinking about you (in the shower of all places) and playing back the timeline of this last year...your diagnosis, the mastectomy, the hair loss, the hair cuts, the photos, the surgery's, the waiting, the trips to the Dr. I prayed for you and your family this morning, almost as if I knew you needed it. We don't have to know what's going on...but don't think we aren't praying for you. All you have to do is ask! May you feel God's presence each step of the way! Breathe deeply my friend.

  3. Sweet Kelly, Jesus knows how you feel. You are precious to him. So precious that he became like you so that you would come to him.

    When you struggle, he listens, When you yearn, he responds. When you question, he hears. He has been there.

    He took our suffering on him and felt our pain for us. Isaiah 53:4

    Praying for you and yours... Deborah MacQueen

  4. Love you my dear friend. I am praying and will continue to pray! You are a strong and mighty warrior and His strength is made perfect when our strength is gone!!! Keep the fight for it is well worth it!!!