Monday, July 22, 2013

When standards hurt

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a type A personality, I'm rough around the edges, I'm frank, I'm a perfectionist.....I think you get the picture.

But I'm also extremely self-aware and always looking on how I can improve. I have always set very high standards for myself. It is as if I reach them, they aren't high enough so I'll keep raising the bar for myself.

I haven't seen this as a negative thing but rather a challenge for myself. It's a way to strive for excellence in all areas I'm able to do so.

However, there is someone in my life right now that does this as well. With me being on the other end if this type person, I see that it would be IMPOSSIBLE to EVER meet their expectations and I know they too will never be able to meet them as well.

This situation has caused me great, great stress. And it's tough handling it as a single mom. I have wondered why God would put me in this situation. It doesn't seem fair and well, it's just very hard and very draining. 

I was driving to my friends house over the weekend and just thinking about how challenging it is to be around someone like this so much.

Clear as day, I heard The Lord say to me that that is exactly how my husband felt for over 19 years.....OUCH, OUCH, OUCH!!!!!!!!

I realized that is EXACTLY how I was/am. I didn't even realize it but I so see how there is nothing I can do in my current situation where I will ever be good enough. That had to have been how he felt for all those years.

That was a very hard pill to swallow. Of course, his standards weren't very high at all obviously. But, what it taught me is that it might be fine to set your own standards high and that's your business. But to expect others to also and then treat them as though they aren't a good person because they don't is unrealistic. 

I'm grateful God revealed this to me. I believe it will not only help me with others in my life but that this will help me as well to not be so hard on myself.

It's kind of like my Diet Coke addiction. You might not like Diet Coke. You may think it causes cancer and is terribly unhealthy for you. But that is YOUR conviction/feelings/opinion, not mine. 

So to "look down" on me for it or to even say anything at all is not your place. If you are a vegetarian, who am I to slight you for it in any way at all? That's what you believe and good for you for living a healthy lifestyle. But why would you get upset with "me" because I eat meat or me get upset with you because you don't?

So, I see that my convictions are just that. And for me to force them on someone else and hold them accountable in as an extreme way that I do myself is having a life that is out of balance. It is having completely unrealistic expectations and very unfair for the other person.

Although difficult, I am glad that I can see within myself areas I need to improve. So, instead of looking at this in a bad way, I just see it like it is. I truly do have high expectations for myself, and by being self-aware and discovering this about myself, I have met the expectations I have set for myself. 

Not only will my life be better because of it but so will countless others I come into contact with!! Thank you Lord for loving me enough to help me get better even when it's sometimes very hard to hear at first.

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