Saturday, July 19, 2014

Everything I've learned after the ending of a failed marriage

This list is definitely not EVERYTHING, but it is what I've come to learn about life and myself up to this point. I'm proud of myself for taking the time to learn from it and to gain knowledge and understanding about myself. I believe that not one single marriage ends because of one person...EVER. The only way for ME to grow and become all that I am destined to become is to face whatever MY part in it was and move forward.

And in my learning, I think it is my responsibility as a human being to share these lessons with others.

  1. Don't be a bitch- It just isn't worth it. It isn't right and it is a choice. Sometimes it just feels good, but it doesn't make it right and it never helps the situation.
  2. Don't take what you DO have for granted- It is so easy to fall into a pattern where we get "used" to the good things others do for us. I wish I would have spent more time focusing on all the things that were good....back when they were good.
  3. Gratitude- There are so many things to be grateful for. When in a relationship or really in any situation, you can find something to be grateful for. There is a fantastic video that is worth taking the time to watch about this. You can view it here...
  4. Honesty- I have always been extremely honest and maybe to a fault. But at least I don't have any regrets for being honest. I know telling the truth is a quality many just do not possess. Telling the truth might be scary, but it is the only way to go and I have never, ever regretted it, ever. When you tell the truth, it builds credibility. When you tell the very first lie, the other person will NEVER trust you again like they did before that lie no matter how sorry you say you are you or how bad you feel, ever.
  5. Encourage- Take the time to encourage your partner. It doesn't take much time and it really doesn't take that much effort.
  6. Remember- Remember why you fell in love with them in the first place. Again, focus on the good.
  7. I'm not a failure- Just because my marriage failed does not by any means mean that I am a failure or make me lose my value and worth as a woman. If anything, I value myself more and I know more about me. It makes me MORE worthy because of the experience and what I have learned from it.
  8. SEX- You must find time and a way to make it work. It is vital for both parties to feel wanted and needed by the other. 
  9. Perspective- Take the time to see it from their perspective. I wish I would have done this more. I see time and time again in my mind's eye how doing this would have made a huge impact. Don't wait until it is too late to see things in a different light other than your own.
  10. The end- Don't sweat it. It sucks. Life is different. There are many challenges. And did I mention, it sucks? Step back and take a good hard look with the biggest magnifying glass you can find turned on YOURSELF. Search your own heart deeply. Don't even think about what all THEY did, but what all YOU did. What can you do differently now in your new life? How can you apply ALL the lessons you have learned to your new existence? How can you use this experience to make you better and the lives of those around you better? What do you now want to take into a new relationship you might eventually get involved in? What are the new standards you want? Ask yourself all the hard questions. Then, be determined to move on with all that life has to offer you. And if you look hard enough, you will discover the universe is waiting to give you all that you want or could ever need. Start looking!!

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