My Nosey Angel

I don't even know where to start this entry! When I was first diagnosed, literally just days before my surgery, I got free tickets to go to "Sing for the Cure" in Dallas. We went and it was SO awesome. But before the event started, we were walking around and we saw these "two guys" wearing pink suits and pink shoes, one of them had on a pink hat too! I am saying in this blog post "two guys" because the first time I mentioned the dad in a post I said I met "a big black guy". I think some people got offended by that. But I don't see color!! If he was a big white guy, I would have said "a big white guy"!!

Anyway, we saw them and immediately went up and were just so excited that the dad and son would support their wife and mother like that. Well, as it turns out, the DAD was the breast cancer survivor!! I couldn't believe it. We took their pictures and later on we ran into them again and I took my picture with them. We talked for a bit and he encouraged me and told me a little bit about his story and I think he gave me his card or I gave him my info...I can't even remember right now. So, keep in mind that this was at the Myers Symphony Center which is huge. We go get our seats and lo and behold, they are both sitting next to us!!!! I was like..."uh, NO WAY!?!?" I knew right then God was up to something.

After the event we saw each other again and he encouraged me more and I told him how nice it was to meet them and then what else would I do but give him a big hug! I saw his eyes light up and he smiled SO big. I'll never forget the look on his face as long as I live. It is a shame to say that his eyes lit up because he was so surprised that this white girl would give him the time of day much less a big fat HUG! This man e-mailed me, called me, encouraged me and he hasn't stopped doing so to this very moment. We are friends for life. I get him and he gets me too.

It is really weird because if we would have just met on the street, we probably wouldn't have become friends. But this was a God ordained moment. A moment in time that bonded us together forever. I have been desperately needing to "feel" God's love. And oh what a week it has been. He has shown me every single day how much he loves me. The first two days of the week I got totally random complements from two different people. Yesterday, right when I felt like I was about to bust into tears, my hubby called me. I didn't have time to answer but it was nice to know that he was thinking of me. Today, my bosses wife sent a beautiful single rose with him for ME to work. Just because.

I say all of this to say that you just never know who's ANGEL you might be. This "guy" I am talking about, his name is Michael. Funny, I just realized I've known him all this time and I don't even know his last name. Every time he calls me, he calls me "sis". I just love it!! No one calls me "sis" but him and it thrills my heart to hear it! OH, and by the way, his nickname is "Dr. Nosey" because he asks so many questions! But I love it.

When we have a "thought" or and "idea" we need to stop and ask ourselves is this just a random thought or something God might be up to that will drastically impact the life of someone else. Michael bought me the angel in the picture. I guess you could say he's like my hero. "LET" someone else impact your life or better yet, GO IMPACT THEIRS!! And don't you dare let FEAR stop you from doing so!! It could change their life FOREVER!

Could it really be possible?

Hey Survivors!!!!

I haven't been blogging here in SO long. I do apologize. After having chemo and going through "Chemo Brain", I wondered if I would ever get back to my normal self. If you know me, you know I have a SERIOUS TYPE A personality!! I will never forget my chemo class. Where the nurse tried to reassure me that most people that can really notice chemo brain are those who are very detail oriented, pay attention to detail, are very organized and have a type A personality. At which point I started to freak out internally since she basically described my personality!!!!

When I had my first treatment, a dear friend of mine who is also a survivor warned me about it. And she doesn't even have my personality. I was driving to my doctor appointment when I realized I had taken the wrong highway. I turned around and felt good at that moment that I realized I was going the wrong way and turned around. But about 5 minutes into my drive, I realized I had no memory as to how to get to the doctors office. Which made me totally panic because I had driven there several times a week for many weeks at this point. I called Deryl and was crying my eyes out. Not many people know this side of my story. My survivor friends do but not my "regular" friends.

Cancer rips SO much from you. It is so funny how when it is all over people just think you are done. Life just moves on. Well, not so fast. It sucks. If you know someone who is a survivor you should seriously show them mercy. If you are a survivor, keep your head up...it gets much better. One of the things that drove me crazy about chemo brain is that I couldn't remember words. One day, I was at Chick-fil-A with the girls and they had a little container of Cheerios. I dumped the Cheerios out and asked them if they wanted some of my Cheetos. They started laughing and what was funny was that I knew when I said it that something was wrong. As soon as they said the word Cheerios I just couldn't believe it!

Here it is 19 months after my last treatment. Literally, about two weeks ago I felt a FLOOD of memories come into my mind. It was truly the wildest thing EVER!! I would wake up thinking of things I had forgotten or needed to do. Every day it would increase. I was like my old self. EVERY single thing I needed to do was coming to my mind!! It was incredible. I mean I PHYSICALLY felt it in my brain. SO WEIRD!!!! I could obviously tell it was SO VERY different. With each day I remembered more and am still remembering more to this day. It is AWESOME!!!! TOTALLY AWESOME!!!! I have so much hope and feel SO darn secure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is like ME is back. I guess deep down I thought I was gone forever. I KNOW I am an awesome administrative assistant. But I didn't feel on top of my game for so long. But now that I am actually feeling like my old self I feel like I totally ROCK!!!! What an amazing feeling. Before chemo I knew what I was capable of. I was so solid, so confident. But cancer and chemo stole that from me. Now, I am getting back to ME!!!!

So ladies, hold on to your faith. Hold on to HOPE. It DOES get better!!!! I'm living proof. It may take you down but it can't keep you down!!!! Things will turn around. I promise you.

Please don't forget that you can contact me anytime you want. Even if I don't know you and we have never even met!! I love helping survivors in any way I can. We have to stay united!! Breast cancer bonds women together like nothing I have ever seen before.

You can reach me at kelley@feelthetatas.com

Kelley

Here we go....

Kelley says,

Well, today I am making my second blog live. It is kinda scary but SO exciting all at the same time. God has sent SO many people my direction that have struggled and are currently struggling in this area. Through "Feel the Tatas" I was able to reach out to more women than I ever thought possible. It will never cease to amaze me how so many people do not feel like they can open up about some of the trials in their lives. It just breaks my heart.

But I am so thankful for the internet because it allows those people to connect and get hope from complete strangers which sometimes is just easier in certain situations. I do hope that you will please remember this blog and send any female survivor you meet here to get hope, encouragement and maybe a few answers. As always, they can contact me any time by any means for free at any time. And be sure to have them check out the "Sewing for Tatas" page on this blog to get a hospital gown for themselves.

I ask that you would pray for my hospital gown ministry that God would provide the funds and the workers I need to see this vision come to pass. I'm already getting orders and will soon run out of gowns. Please believe with me in prayer!!

If you are interested in following along this journey that we are on in our marriage and want to see what all God is doing in our lives on that front, I ask you to please "follow" the new blog at www.sometimesshecries.com Please be sure to check out the "pages" so you are up to date. If you follow me regularly, the only post you haven't read is the most recent. Please leave comments on the new blog and let me know what you think. And show us your support by following us. Thank you to everyone for all your support for "Feel the Tata's" I hope it becomes a wonderful place for cancer survivors. And I hope "Sometimes She Cries" becomes a refuge of hope for people who are struggling in their marriage. I can't wait to see what God is up to!!

Love you all...and I always will!!

P.S. You can now "Pin" to Pinterest either of my blogs from the blog homepage. You can also follow by entering your e-mail address and Blogger will e-mail you anytime there is a new post! Super sweet!

Kelley

New changes for "Feel the Tatas"

Kelley says.....

When I started www.feelthetatas.com, which seems like a lifetime ago by the way, I started it as a way to inform family and friends of my health updates. Slowly but surely other people started referring newly diagnosed women to my blog. Then women started contacting me thanking me for being so frank about my emotions and my feelings.

Not long after that I got the idea for "Sewing for Tatas" and then that became a HUGE vision of mine. But 2011 brought BIG changes to my life. As Deryl and I started blogging about our walk through overcoming our marital struggles he mentioned that maybe I needed two blogs. At first I was thinking...NO WAY. But as I started to pray about it I realized that I really do have two missions in life. My first mission is to help women....period. I want to reach out to all women but I want newly diagnosed women and women going through treatment and those about to face breast surgery to have a place to come for hope, peace and an outlet to express their feelings. I want them to read about the truth, and when they read my words they realize they aren't crazy but the feelings they feel are actually normal.

But after the events of this year, if a newly diagnosed woman were to come to my blog, they might be confused and if they got to reading the entries they might actually be very frightened as to the possibilities that the same thing could actually happen to them and that is way too big of a pill to swallow when you are just starting your cancer journey.

SO, after my faithful followers have had a chance to read this post, I will make my second blog LIVE and all 2011 marriage related entries will be removed. Don't worry, they will all be available on the new blog. And there our journey will continue. If you know of anyone who is newly diagnosed or going through their own cancer journey, please refer them to www.feelthetatas.com I would greatly appreciate it.

Secondly, when I post my new blog address, please follow me and show your support for Deryl and I and this journey we are on!! And then if you know of anyone who has been affected by pornography in their lives, please forward them and tell them all about my new blog!!

I set up a new "page" on the home page of www.feelthetatas.com called "Sewing for Tatas". Please check it out. I am starting to get the word out about it but I need help!! I have had all the graphics done for Feel the Tatas t-shirts and they are awesome!! But I need someone to contribute to help me pay for the actual shirts! So please check out the page and pray about how you can be a part of this awesome ministry!! It is my dream to be able to give every newly diagnosed woman a hospital gown to bring to all their many doctor appointments. But I cannot do this without help! Please take a couple of minutes to read about that. Selling shirts is my first step in being able to raise money for the gowns.

Thank you to everyone who has followed my blog and have hung in there with me throughout the most difficult years I have ever faced in my entire life. I will be continuing to post to this blog but will also be updating my new one with Deryl as well. I know I didn't mention what my second mission in life is but you can read all about that on my "pages" in my new blog. So keep your eyes open...new blog will be live by this time next week.

Kelley

My new job part 2

Kelley says.....

As always there is so much I want to say that I have to really ponder what I want to write. I guess I will just start by telling you more about what goes on at my job. We have clients that have hit a bad patch in their lives. Some of these clients are executives who have lost their jobs. A lot of them are just like me and you.

They start off by making an appointment to come in. When they get there they are greeted by a volunteer. Then, they meet with a counselor who is also a volunteer. The counselor gets their story, asks them questions to get to know them better and see what is going on in their lives. Then, the client is presented the gospel!! How awesome is that?! There are lots of tears and awesome stories that come out of this time. Once they are done with the counselor, they get to go pick out clothes for each person in their family and any household and miscellaneous items we have that they may need. Once they are done in our clothing room they are met by more volunteers who have all their food items on a wagon and their items are taken to their cars and unloaded for them.  They can come and do this once every 30 days.

We have many events throughout the year. I started at the beginning of October and for Thanksgiving we gave out frozen Turkeys and all the trimmings so they could fix their own meals at home. It was a great day. We all went and volunteered and the girls met people all day that were in the same position we were in back in 2009 when Deryl had lost his job.

For Christmas we had a big Birthday Party for Jesus. Every child received a gift as well as every adult! It was so amazing. I just loved every single minute of it and again, my whole family was able to be a part. After this we moved on to what is called "Adopt-a-family". These families stories break my heart. Most of you who know me or have followed me for a while know that I grew up very poor. I lived many years of my childhood in trailer parks. I was always so embarrassed and always picked on and bullied because of it.

The majority of the families who filled out an application in hopes that they would be adopted live in trailer parks. With the exception of families who actually live in old chicken coops. Yes, you read that correctly. There are some old chicken coops that were made into an apartment type living environment and this section is very close to the trailer parks.

I must say that the following story blessed me more than anything else I have experienced at my job so far. The day we were going to deliver some gifts it started raining. I just couldn't believe it. A lot of these people don't have any transportation and if they do they don't have the extra gas money to come pick up their gifts. But it isn't really somewhere you want to go after dark. So delivering gifts was proving to be difficult.

If we didn't get these gifts to these families, they weren't going to have Christmas. I couldn't stand it. I was determined that I would do everything in my power to get as many gifts as I could delivered. Keep in mind, I had never actually been to these areas yet, I had only heard about them. I loaded up my 4 Runner and we loaded up another volunteers SUV and off we went. It was dreary outside and sprinkling off and on. As I got started with my deliveries and I started getting glimpses into these peoples lives a flood of memories came rushing back in my mind from my own childhood. I thought about how awesome it was that God provided this job for me. I felt so incredibly blessed at that moment but so sad that nothing like this existed when I was young. There is just no way for me to go to work each day and not be so very thankful.

I think some people really have no idea what it means to be poor. I mean I know for a fact that some people actually feel like they are poor if they can't go out to eat and to the movies whenever they want. I myself have felt poor if I can't go get clothes for my children that they need. But let me describe poor to you. The majority of applications we took in for families that were hoping to be adopted didn't request dolls or toys or things you would imagine for their children. They asked for socks, underwear, and shoes. Some of the ladies asked for cleaning supplies. The closer it got to Christmas the busier we were. We ended up being totally booked all the way until January 10th and no one could even get in for an appointment. People were calling in saying that they were completely out of food or that their electricity had been turned off.

We all know that things are bad in the economy right now but things are much worse than you could ever imagine for a LOT of people. My job is at a non-profit and they are ran almost completely on volunteers alone and they accept no help from the government. They run strictly on donations. I just think it is amazing and I ask you, my faithful followers of this blog to pray that God would bless my boss and his wife abundantly!! They have a vision to have a medical and dental facility on the property as well. They do SO much more that I would have to write a book to tell you all about it. But it is wonderful.

We have a short bible study and prayer time every Monday. We pray for the clients and other things. On my first Monday there, I found out that not only that small group of people but that several HUNDRED people had been praying since early in 2011 for the perfect person to fill my position. So people were praying me into that job back when my world had completely collapsed back in Texas!! Isn't God just SO darn amazing? I still can't believe it. I know there were the naysayers that questioned how we could have moved so quickly but they just didn't understand. When I found out how so many people who didn't even know me had been praying for me I just couldn't contain the tears. God never ceases to amaze me. So I am here to tell you once again that God is a God of the impossible. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Just trust in the ONE who is always on your side and will NEVER let you down!! He is always, always, always FAITHFUL!!

My new job!!!!

Kelley says....

I can't believe I haven't posted in a month. But I finally get to tell you about my awesome job. To start this post, I have to go back to earlier in the summer when we were looking for a house and I discovered that I was a victim of criminal identity theft. In the midst of all the stress involved trying to sort that all out, I knew without a doubt that God was letting this all be revealed and dealt with because the job I would get would require a background check. I just knew it.

Before moving to where we are now, I had a very strong sense that there was this perfect job waiting for me here. I felt that God had already prepared it for me. So I started to get a little confused when we moved here and no job was presenting itself. So, while I was here with nothing to do I decided I would keep in contact with my Life-Coach and mentor as I worked through it all. With everything that had gone on in my life in the last two years she just told me very frankly that I needed to work on "me". And she suggested that I quit "looking" for a job entirely because with everything that I was going through I would attract the wrong job to myself. So that is what I did. I quit looking and really dug deep into the word. I prayed, prayed, prayed!! I fasted and just snuggled up as close as I could get to God.

When I was looking for work, I was submitting my resume all over for admin positions in the corporate world. Mainly because I did not want to work in a church environment again. But I didn't want to work in the corporate environment either but really didn't think I had a choice. I wanted to work around believers and in a Christian environment but I just didn't know how that was going to be possible without working for a church. One day I was at my computer and just randomly decided to do a search on Craigslist for "Christian Ministry". Lo and behold one listing showed up. It didn't say what ministry but I met the majority of the requirements so I just sent my resume over and honestly didn't think much more about it.

As I kept thinking about how much I really did NOT want to go back to work for corporate America, I just came to the conclusion that I just had to apply at a church to work in the environment I was looking for. So, I went and gave my resume to the church where we attend. Within one hour of submitting my resume, I got an e-mail asking if I could come in for an interview somewhere else. I had applied at so many different places that I didn't even know who was asking for the interview!! Something in the e-mail jogged my memory about that Craigslist posting. I went back and searched for it and then discovered that it was in fact that job!!

And don't you know that the very moment I found out that they would be doing a background check that I KNEW I had the job. I knew that God had been preparing this position for me and that it was mine. I was pretty excited about it just by the research I was doing on the internet about the organization. But once I started interviewing and really finding out what I was about to be a part of, I am just still in total awe of God and how he went before me so long ago to get me to where I am at this very moment.

I am realizing that this awesome news cannot be posted in just one post. So I will at least tell you a little about what it is before wrapping up. It is for a non-profit organization who helps underprivileged families get back on their feet. The awesome thing is that they help those who help themselves. They are doing so many amazing things and there is so much more that I will have to post more later. But, I have to go to work! So I can't wait to share what all I "get" to do and be a part of at my job but every single day on my way in to work, I thank God for my job.

It is amazing and I think a complete miracle that not only would I get an awesome job in this economy but that I would get one that I absolutely love and cannot wait to get to every single day. I must say, I have never before had a job where I felt this way.

To be continued....

Are you overlooking the miracles right in front of you?

Kelley says....

Okay, I think it is time to share some of the miracles that have happened this year, don't ya think? The first thing that comes to mind is when I discovered that my childhood friend had been arrested multiple times and had used my name. This prevented us from getting a house that was very close to Deryl's job. However, after the initial shock, I just knew in my heart that God allowed that to come up because he had a better house for us and that I would end up getting a job that would require a background check. We now live in the biggest house we have ever lived in and in the nicest area we have ever lived in for CHEAPER than we paid in Texas!

When I first found out about all the identity theft I called an attorney here in Georgia who proceeded to tell me that I would have to hire an attorney in Texas and that this was not going to be any sort of quick process. Basically he told me that getting identity theft cleared up is one of the hardest things to do especially since this was a criminal identity theft. Today, I got a notarized letter from the District Attorney in Texas that totally and completely expunged my name so I have a clean record now....with only GOD as my attorney. This is a miracle indeed!!

I started my new job on Oct 11, my mom's birthday. I cannot begin to put into words how much I love my job. I cannot wait to go to work every day. Actually, my weekends go by so slow now because I am longing to be back at work. I have NEVER felt that way about any job I have ever had. To see firsthand God at work each and every single day of the week is just amazing. My job really has meaning. What I do helps everyone else who works there do their job effectively. Salvation's happens all the time there on a regular basis. There are many more volunteers than there are staff and the volunteers are what is making it happen! These aren't your every day volunteers. These people come in many days a week like clock work each and every single week. They work like it is their real job. They work like it is their own organization and like they are being paid. I am amazed each and every day. They are all so very kind and so giving. I just stay in awe.

So, I found out that not only has a Monday prayer group been praying since early 2011 for the right person to fill my position  literally hundreds of people have been praying for this. During the worst time of my ENTIRE life....God had complete strangers praying for me. This just amazes me. I stay amazed at the goodness of God. To think that he truly has gone before me is so awesome. And what amazes me now is that I know that even now he is going before me for even greater things. My work needed me as much as I needed them and they don't even know it! Wow, we serve such a mighty God.

Secondly, one night during my whole interview process, Deryl and I went to a track to get some exercise. He ran and I walked. When you pull into this place there is a park and a library and a skate park. You drive past all of that down into the very back of the area where there is hardly any lighting and there is a football field and a track. It was just us and one other couple. When I was done, I went and sat in the car. While in Deryl's car I discovered yet another lie he had told me. He came to the car and all hell broke loose. At the same time, he started the car and it wouldn't start! Here we were with no one to call and had no idea what to do. The only other couple there didn't have jumper cables. Deryl wants to get the car started and I want to talk about what in the heck I had just found out.

We decide that we should walk up to the skate park since there were always a ton of people there. Literally, we walked up to 5 different cars which all had men in them by the way and every single one said they didn't have cables. I am sure we didn't look like the most friendly and honest people in the world. Here I was absolutely furious with Deryl and he had just finished a 30 minute run and was all sweaty. For some unknown reason I decide to walk up to a woman's mini-van. When I walked up, I saw in her lap a bible and a Beth Moore study and I knew she was my ticket home. She was so scared as I would have been as well. She barely cracked her window and to make a very long story short, it ends up that we lived about 10 houses from each other and attend the same church!!!! Not only that but she was Rachel's small group youth leader!

Now mind you, I was in the middle of interviewing for my current job. I think I had already had my second interview and was pretty convinced I had the job. So I was starting to get worried about the girls having to take the bus. Well don't you know that God let me become friends with this woman and her children go to the girls same schools. She offered to help us with the girls and had that not all happened at the exact time that it did, I would have never met her! We DO serve an on time GOD!!!!

Let us not forget that just because God doesn't answer our prayers the way WE want him to does not mean that he has not answered. Answers to our prayers are ALL around us. We just have to look for them and sometime get a new perspective. I hope this encourages you to know that it just does NOT matter how things look on the outside. God DOES work ALL THINGS together for HIS good!!!! ALL things, not just the things you can't handle! There are so many more miracles. I will post them as I remember them. I will also do a special post about my job soon. It is just amazing. I can't believe the work they do there. I think it is the world's best kept secret and should no longer be a secret! I want the world to know about the non-profit I work for because God is showing up every single day and I can't wait to see what he has in store for me and many others in the upcoming months!!