Sunday, July 29, 2012

Chemo and weight gain

When my mom had cancer 20 years ago and she went through chemotherapy, she lost so much weight because she was so sick. Well, a lot has changed in 20 years! I'm not gonna lie, when I found out I was going to have to get chemo I thought well at least there will be one positive thing about all this....I'll lose weight.

At this point I had been eating raw foods and fresh juices since the day I was diagnosed. I had lost about 15 or so pounds and looked great. When I found out about chemo the nutritionist told me I couldn't eat like that anymore because there was too much risk in me getting an infection from bacteria or whatever on fruits and veggies.

So needless to say, I pretty much just ate whatever tasted good which was Mexican food and a bunch of other junk. With all the steroids you take you are starving all the time it seems. And really, I think I gained weight whether I ate too much or not! It was terrible.

Since finishing chemo I did lose the 20 pounds of weight I gained only to turn around and gain 30!!!! I know a lot of you who have had chemo have struggled with the same thing. Well, last Tuesday I started the Glycemic Index diet and have lost 9.4 pounds now!! So I only have 20 more to go. You can Google it and find out all about it. I also went to the library and got every book they had on it so I could see what all I could eat and what kind of recipes I could make.

It's been relatively easy. And this is the first weekend I have made it through without blowing it on the weekend. And this is the first week I really stuck to it. I don't think I've ever lost weight this fast in one week but I am really excited about it. Deryl is doing the same thing only he doesn't eat fruit, bread, rice or pasta and he lost 5 pounds the first two days! So, just wanted to throw that out there for those of you struggling with your weight. It's at least worth a shot, right?

Monday, June 18, 2012

Do you ever get stinkin' tired of being a Christian?

Sometimes I just wonder how many people "question" my Christianity. I really do. If you keep up with my two blogs, you know that there are actually people out there who literally "doubt' God......they "doubt" their OWN faith because of my life and the hand I have been dealt. I know some people wonder how I am still standing, how I am still alive. I can't lie, I wonder some of these very same things for my own self.

Life can never be fully explained. I truly believe with ALL of my being that God treats us and disciplines us like we are his ONLY child. I believe that we are made for FAR greater things than we could EVER, EVER imagine. When I first started this blog, I had literally THOUSANDS of readers. Now, it is about 100-200 regular visitors. I will say this now and I will believe it until the day I die that I WILL be a WORLD changer. I don't know how long and I don't know to what magnitude but I WILL continue to make it. I will work my butt off until I am released from the Holy Spirit to do otherwise.

Where I work it  is TRULY a complete GIFT of God. Growing up in poverty, I see everything from a different perspective. Would you like to be involved? Maybe you could fly out for a week. Maybe you could  come for a day or two and just do data entry for me. MAYBE....you could transalte for us. Maybe you could make a REAL difference in somone's  life!!!!!! PLEASE, whatever God is speaking to you right now....will you be so kind to share it with me no matter how silly it sounds....PLEASE!!!!!!!!  I know my life's calling is to give people hope who are hopelessly desperate! God, WANTS to work in you life.......He truly, truly does!!!

Thank you to everyone who has volunteered this week. You have made a tremendous impack on our families. I love and appreciate ALL of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kelley Mac

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

A must read for EVERY dad...

Well, today, May 16th, 2012 my father died. And what did I "feel"? Absolutely nothing. No emotion whatsoever. Think about it, think about your child or children right now at this very moment. Could you imagine them grown? Could you imagine screwing up so bad that when they got married you not even being invited to the wedding? Could you even imagine dying and every one around you feeling relieved? This is my story.

My father left my mother for another woman when I was about 4 years old. I was the baby and a total daddy's girl.  I loved, loved, loved my daddy. Shortly after he got a job and moved to another city. I have a brother 9 years older and a sister 10 years older. To avoid paying child support for my brother and myself for that matter, he tried moving and avoiding paying. My mom worked two jobs my ENTIRE life to try to make ends meet. She would ask him to help and it was like pulling teeth to get him to help.

I remember an occasion where we didn't have any food. Literally we had ONE piece of stale bread left. My mom handed it to me. I tore it in half and gave it to her. I'll never forget that look in her eyes. Never. To think that at this time I knew my dad could help if he just wanted to. But, he did not. Miraculously after much prayer, my mom's boyfriend brought us groceries that very night. It was my first experience seeing a miracle happen before my very eyes.

Years went by and because of a court order I was MADE to spend time with my dad and my mom couldn't do anything about it. It was a miserable time and I hated every second of it. The older I got the less I saw him. I had no respect for him. He was extremely hard to get along with and because he hurt my mom SO bad and I watched him neglect me over the years I just couldn't get past it.

My brother is gay. As soon as my father found out, he gave my brother a piece of his mind and NEVER spoke to him again. Mind you, my brother is my rock through and through. Do I wish he wasn't gay? Yeah, I do. I think his life would be easier. But you know what? He has been with the same person for over 30 years. They both treat me and my children so very good. They both do for us more than my father EVER even thought of. As a matter of fact, my father really never did absolutely anything that I can remember out of the goodness of his heart. But, that is me. I actually have been thinking all day long and I cannot remember a single good memory of me and my father.

I know my brother and sister have a different experience because they are so much older than me. My dad actually has 4 children but only spoke to my sister. Why? I truly believe it was because of 100% pride and nothing else. His need to be right...to prove a point. Dad's, please don't do this to your family. Thinking of divorce? You better re-think it real quick. Divorce has LASTING implications on EVERYONE involved.

As Father's Day approaches, what kind of dad do you want to be? Are you letting your pride stand in the way? What kind of legacy are you leaving to your children? When your time comes, what do you want your children to be able to say at your funeral? These are profound questions that you should seriously consider. Father's can make a HUGE impact on their children. It is about time that fathers step it up!! Let go of your pride and make a difference. You have SO much to offer your children and grandchildren. Do something you can be proud of....with no regrets. Even if you have regrets, start over TODAY....make a difference in your children's lives and the generations to come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, May 11, 2012

My Nosey Angel

I don't even know where to start this entry! When I was first diagnosed, literally just days before my surgery, I got free tickets to go to "Sing for the Cure" in Dallas. We went and it was SO awesome. But before the event started, we were walking around and we saw these "two guys" wearing pink suits and pink shoes, one of them had on a pink hat too! I am saying in this blog post "two guys" because the first time I mentioned the dad in a post I said I met "a big black guy". I think some people got offended by that. But I don't see color!! If he was a big white guy, I would have said "a big white guy"!!

Anyway, we saw them and immediately went up and were just so excited that the dad and son would support their wife and mother like that. Well, as it turns out, the DAD was the breast cancer survivor!! I couldn't believe it. We took their pictures and later on we ran into them again and I took my picture with them. We talked for a bit and he encouraged me and told me a little bit about his story and I think he gave me his card or I gave him my info...I can't even remember right now. So, keep in mind that this was at the Myers Symphony Center which is huge. We go get our seats and lo and behold, they are both sitting next to us!!!! I was like..."uh, NO WAY!?!?" I knew right then God was up to something.

After the event we saw each other again and he encouraged me more and I told him how nice it was to meet them and then what else would I do but give him a big hug! I saw his eyes light up and he smiled SO big. I'll never forget the look on his face as long as I live. It is a shame to say that his eyes lit up because he was so surprised that this white girl would give him the time of day much less a big fat HUG! This man e-mailed me, called me, encouraged me and he hasn't stopped doing so to this very moment. We are friends for life. I get him and he gets me too.

It is really weird because if we would have just met on the street, we probably wouldn't have become friends. But this was a God ordained moment. A moment in time that bonded us together forever. I have been desperately needing to "feel" God's love. And oh what a week it has been. He has shown me every single day how much he loves me. The first two days of the week I got totally random complements from two different people. Yesterday, right when I felt like I was about to bust into tears, my hubby called me. I didn't have time to answer but it was nice to know that he was thinking of me. Today, my bosses wife sent a beautiful single rose with him for ME to work. Just because.

I say all of this to say that you just never know who's ANGEL you might be. This "guy" I am talking about, his name is Michael. Funny, I just realized I've known him all this time and I don't even know his last name. Every time he calls me, he calls me "sis". I just love it!! No one calls me "sis" but him and it thrills my heart to hear it! OH, and by the way, his nickname is "Dr. Nosey" because he asks so many questions! But I love it.

When we have a "thought" or and "idea" we need to stop and ask ourselves is this just a random thought or something God might be up to that will drastically impact the life of someone else. Michael bought me the angel in the picture. I guess you could say he's like my hero. "LET" someone else impact your life or better yet, GO IMPACT THEIRS!! And don't you dare let FEAR stop you from doing so!! It could change their life FOREVER!

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Could it really be possible?

Hey Survivors!!!!

I haven't been blogging here in SO long. I do apologize. After having chemo and going through "Chemo Brain", I wondered if I would ever get back to my normal self. If you know me, you know I have a SERIOUS TYPE A personality!! I will never forget my chemo class. Where the nurse tried to reassure me that most people that can really notice chemo brain are those who are very detail oriented, pay attention to detail, are very organized and have a type A personality. At which point I started to freak out internally since she basically described my personality!!!!

When I had my first treatment, a dear friend of mine who is also a survivor warned me about it. And she doesn't even have my personality. I was driving to my doctor appointment when I realized I had taken the wrong highway. I turned around and felt good at that moment that I realized I was going the wrong way and turned around. But about 5 minutes into my drive, I realized I had no memory as to how to get to the doctors office. Which made me totally panic because I had driven there several times a week for many weeks at this point. I called Deryl and was crying my eyes out. Not many people know this side of my story. My survivor friends do but not my "regular" friends.

Cancer rips SO much from you. It is so funny how when it is all over people just think you are done. Life just moves on. Well, not so fast. It sucks. If you know someone who is a survivor you should seriously show them mercy. If you are a survivor, keep your head up...it gets much better. One of the things that drove me crazy about chemo brain is that I couldn't remember words. One day, I was at Chick-fil-A with the girls and they had a little container of Cheerios. I dumped the Cheerios out and asked them if they wanted some of my Cheetos. They started laughing and what was funny was that I knew when I said it that something was wrong. As soon as they said the word Cheerios I just couldn't believe it!

Here it is 19 months after my last treatment. Literally, about two weeks ago I felt a FLOOD of memories come into my mind. It was truly the wildest thing EVER!! I would wake up thinking of things I had forgotten or needed to do. Every day it would increase. I was like my old self. EVERY single thing I needed to do was coming to my mind!! It was incredible. I mean I PHYSICALLY felt it in my brain. SO WEIRD!!!! I could obviously tell it was SO VERY different. With each day I remembered more and am still remembering more to this day. It is AWESOME!!!! TOTALLY AWESOME!!!! I have so much hope and feel SO darn secure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is like ME is back. I guess deep down I thought I was gone forever. I KNOW I am an awesome administrative assistant. But I didn't feel on top of my game for so long. But now that I am actually feeling like my old self I feel like I totally ROCK!!!! What an amazing feeling. Before chemo I knew what I was capable of. I was so solid, so confident. But cancer and chemo stole that from me. Now, I am getting back to ME!!!!

So ladies, hold on to your faith. Hold on to HOPE. It DOES get better!!!! I'm living proof. It may take you down but it can't keep you down!!!! Things will turn around. I promise you.

Please don't forget that you can contact me anytime you want. Even if I don't know you and we have never even met!! I love helping survivors in any way I can. We have to stay united!! Breast cancer bonds women together like nothing I have ever seen before.

You can reach me at kelley@feelthetatas.com

Kelley

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Here we go....

Kelley says,

Well, today I am making my second blog live. It is kinda scary but SO exciting all at the same time. God has sent SO many people my direction that have struggled and are currently struggling in this area. Through "Feel the Tatas" I was able to reach out to more women than I ever thought possible. It will never cease to amaze me how so many people do not feel like they can open up about some of the trials in their lives. It just breaks my heart.

But I am so thankful for the internet because it allows those people to connect and get hope from complete strangers which sometimes is just easier in certain situations. I do hope that you will please remember this blog and send any female survivor you meet here to get hope, encouragement and maybe a few answers. As always, they can contact me any time by any means for free at any time. And be sure to have them check out the "Sewing for Tatas" page on this blog to get a hospital gown for themselves.

I ask that you would pray for my hospital gown ministry that God would provide the funds and the workers I need to see this vision come to pass. I'm already getting orders and will soon run out of gowns. Please believe with me in prayer!!

If you are interested in following along this journey that we are on in our marriage and want to see what all God is doing in our lives on that front, I ask you to please "follow" the new blog at www.sometimesshecries.com Please be sure to check out the "pages" so you are up to date. If you follow me regularly, the only post you haven't read is the most recent. Please leave comments on the new blog and let me know what you think. And show us your support by following us. Thank you to everyone for all your support for "Feel the Tata's" I hope it becomes a wonderful place for cancer survivors. And I hope "Sometimes She Cries" becomes a refuge of hope for people who are struggling in their marriage. I can't wait to see what God is up to!!

Love you all...and I always will!!

P.S. You can now "Pin" to Pinterest either of my blogs from the blog homepage. You can also follow by entering your e-mail address and Blogger will e-mail you anytime there is a new post! Super sweet!

Kelley

Sunday, January 8, 2012

New changes for "Feel the Tatas"

Kelley says.....

When I started www.feelthetatas.com, which seems like a lifetime ago by the way, I started it as a way to inform family and friends of my health updates. Slowly but surely other people started referring newly diagnosed women to my blog. Then women started contacting me thanking me for being so frank about my emotions and my feelings.

Not long after that I got the idea for "Sewing for Tatas" and then that became a HUGE vision of mine. But 2011 brought BIG changes to my life. As Deryl and I started blogging about our walk through overcoming our marital struggles he mentioned that maybe I needed two blogs. At first I was thinking...NO WAY. But as I started to pray about it I realized that I really do have two missions in life. My first mission is to help women....period. I want to reach out to all women but I want newly diagnosed women and women going through treatment and those about to face breast surgery to have a place to come for hope, peace and an outlet to express their feelings. I want them to read about the truth, and when they read my words they realize they aren't crazy but the feelings they feel are actually normal.

But after the events of this year, if a newly diagnosed woman were to come to my blog, they might be confused and if they got to reading the entries they might actually be very frightened as to the possibilities that the same thing could actually happen to them and that is way too big of a pill to swallow when you are just starting your cancer journey.

SO, after my faithful followers have had a chance to read this post, I will make my second blog LIVE and all 2011 marriage related entries will be removed. Don't worry, they will all be available on the new blog. And there our journey will continue. If you know of anyone who is newly diagnosed or going through their own cancer journey, please refer them to www.feelthetatas.com I would greatly appreciate it.

Secondly, when I post my new blog address, please follow me and show your support for Deryl and I and this journey we are on!! And then if you know of anyone who has been affected by pornography in their lives, please forward them and tell them all about my new blog!!

I set up a new "page" on the home page of www.feelthetatas.com called "Sewing for Tatas". Please check it out. I am starting to get the word out about it but I need help!! I have had all the graphics done for Feel the Tatas t-shirts and they are awesome!! But I need someone to contribute to help me pay for the actual shirts! So please check out the page and pray about how you can be a part of this awesome ministry!! It is my dream to be able to give every newly diagnosed woman a hospital gown to bring to all their many doctor appointments. But I cannot do this without help! Please take a couple of minutes to read about that. Selling shirts is my first step in being able to raise money for the gowns.

Thank you to everyone who has followed my blog and have hung in there with me throughout the most difficult years I have ever faced in my entire life. I will be continuing to post to this blog but will also be updating my new one with Deryl as well. I know I didn't mention what my second mission in life is but you can read all about that on my "pages" in my new blog. So keep your eyes open...new blog will be live by this time next week.

Kelley