Joy UNSPEAKABLE

 Kelley says................

"You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy" 1 Peter 1:8

Ya know,  it was 12:45am a couple of days ago when I blogged. I love going to sleep early and waking up early. But since having my last surgery, I am not supposed to lay on my sides and I am such a side sleeper. Even with medication, I have not been getting much sleep. Here it is, 12:53 am and I am wide awake. 

I have been so excited and so on fire it is just amazing. This joy is really amazing. I mean, that night when I blogged last, I was literally trying to figure out if I was that excited and talking non-stop because of any of my medication. I realized that that wasn't it but then I remembered that while I was at Target I downed a Peppermint Mocha because I didn't want to carry it around in the store with my other items. So I was convinced that was it because I normally don't drink coffee. Then I woke up the next morning and I was STILL SO excited and talking non-stop and just full of unspeakable JOY!!

I have been talking this out and trying to figure it out with all my heart. You can't even imagine! I am doing things that are SO not like me. And I mean SOOOOOO not like me. I've talked this through for hours with Deryl and discovered that every single time a miracle happens in my life, it is when I get totally fed up. When I get to my wits end. When I scream at God and literally say, "If you are a man that cannot lie, WHY is your word SO contradicting?!!? The scriptures that are written on my heart are a lie? That is what it seems like because I don't feel you and you aren't here! I need you to show me you are real God! Please God! But God I love you so much that even if you never show me these truths here on earth I will STILL love you. EVEN if there ended up not being a heaven or a hell, I'd STILL love you and serve you because you are my absolute everything. Without YOU, there would be no me.

I have realized in the last few days that I truly have never in my life felt joy. True joy. I was happy when my children were born and at my wedding and at other "moments" in my life but NEVER, EVER joyful. I mean seriously, if I won the lottery I would be like "Well, that is so exciting". When something great happens, I would never jump up and down or do anything crazy. My boss is on a regular basis walking around being so stinkin' happy and clapping his hands SO loud. It really gets on my nerves sometimes because he is so happy. But now I realize it is JOY. I have really, really, really NEVER experienced this and I am so grateful. I have a story. I know most of you know what you think is my story. But I knew back in September God was starting to work on me to share another part of my story to save even more lives. I today am so scared to tell this particular part of my story. But I know in a matter of time I will have to be obedient so please be patient with me. It will happen in God's time and I know in my heart it will be amazing. 

Wow! What a year. I've got it goin' on!!! And it took me my lifetime to see myself. A good friend of mine, the one who actually is responsible for my salvation said to me yesterday "You see me". And it made my day. What a compliment, to see someone through all the !@#$ and still love them right where they are at. THAT is joy. THAT is God's love. THAT my dear friend is GOD'S GREATEST COMMANDMENT!!

More scriptures on Joy....

You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

—Psalm 16:11 

 When I discovered your words, I devoured them.
      They are my joy and my heart’s delight,
   for I bear your name,
      O Lord God of Heaven’s Armies

—Jeremiah 15:16 

These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.

—John 15:11