When my world got rocked, I decided to rock my own world. Hmmmmm.......Most of you know that I am a life coach. I just spent the past four days in a training class and it was great. I wrote down the title for this blog post on the last day of class. I love helping other people. I love watching a person get better, feel better, live better lives and helping them discover their greatness on their own.
Things have been tough in my life emotionally lately. Today has not been a good day. I have been left to be the single parent to be the anchor and emotionally available person for my children. I in turn take it all on my own shoulders. One of the most difficult things as a parent is to not have the answers for your children or a solution to offer them as they face the hard things that life throws at them.
Sometimes, when days like to day start to get me down, I have to "coach" myself and this is me doing that. I sit and wonder to myself often why I am still here. I wonder how I will live the rest of my days out in this crazy place called my life. Do you ever get like that? Do you ever just want it all to stop? I know I sure do. But thank God I know I have an internal strength within myself that I can pull from. When days are good, I can say to myself, I AM A FREAKIN' ROCK STAR!! I can remember all that I have endured and yet still sit here on top, alive, helping others be the best version of themselves that they can be. But on the bad days, it is hard to do this.
So, although today hasn't started out well, I know that only I can make it better. I know that only I am in control of my happiness. And it all starts within. I never expected this blog post to be what it has turned into when I wrote that title down. But here I am and I have to ask myself...what can I do to rock my own world. I hope the words that follow will encourage you to do the same.
In order for me to take charge and full responsibility, I have to dig deep. I know that I have a driving force that resides within me. It is a force that goes untapped sometimes. But I know it is there. I have to remind myself of the power that lies within ME. No one else can make me better. Others might be able to offer me some comfort, but true lasting change can only happen within myself.
In the past couple of weeks I have had some very incredible things said about me by different individuals. So, I take the time now to try and see for myself what it is they see. It is so hard to see the qualities in yourself that others find very valuable by just your presence. I think it is human nature to focus on all of our flaws and all the things we do wrong.
So today I must CHOOSE to see the good in myself. CHOOSE to see how much I have accomplished. CHOOSE to see all the wonderful things that ARE happening in my life right now. I think the single greatest thing to do is focus on RIGHT NOW. It's easy to get caught up in what HAS happened and what COULD happen rather than what IS happening. And at this very moment, everything is fine.
I hope you can pull some strength from inside of YOU to get you through the not so good days. And let us not forget, YOU are a ROCK START too!
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Everything I've learned after the ending of a failed marriage
This list is definitely not EVERYTHING, but it is what I've come to learn about life and myself up to this point. I'm proud of myself for taking the time to learn from it and to gain knowledge and understanding about myself. I believe that not one single marriage ends because of one person...EVER. The only way for ME to grow and become all that I am destined to become is to face whatever MY part in it was and move forward.
And in my learning, I think it is my responsibility as a human being to share these lessons with others.
And in my learning, I think it is my responsibility as a human being to share these lessons with others.
- Don't be a bitch- It just isn't worth it. It isn't right and it is a choice. Sometimes it just feels good, but it doesn't make it right and it never helps the situation.
- Don't take what you DO have for granted- It is so easy to fall into a pattern where we get "used" to the good things others do for us. I wish I would have spent more time focusing on all the things that were good....back when they were good.
- Gratitude- There are so many things to be grateful for. When in a relationship or really in any situation, you can find something to be grateful for. There is a fantastic video that is worth taking the time to watch about this. You can view it here...http://ow.ly/zc4ME
- Honesty- I have always been extremely honest and maybe to a fault. But at least I don't have any regrets for being honest. I know telling the truth is a quality many just do not possess. Telling the truth might be scary, but it is the only way to go and I have never, ever regretted it, ever. When you tell the truth, it builds credibility. When you tell the very first lie, the other person will NEVER trust you again like they did before that lie no matter how sorry you say you are you or how bad you feel, ever.
- Encourage- Take the time to encourage your partner. It doesn't take much time and it really doesn't take that much effort.
- Remember- Remember why you fell in love with them in the first place. Again, focus on the good.
- I'm not a failure- Just because my marriage failed does not by any means mean that I am a failure or make me lose my value and worth as a woman. If anything, I value myself more and I know more about me. It makes me MORE worthy because of the experience and what I have learned from it.
- SEX- You must find time and a way to make it work. It is vital for both parties to feel wanted and needed by the other.
- Perspective- Take the time to see it from their perspective. I wish I would have done this more. I see time and time again in my mind's eye how doing this would have made a huge impact. Don't wait until it is too late to see things in a different light other than your own.
- The end- Don't sweat it. It sucks. Life is different. There are many challenges. And did I mention, it sucks? Step back and take a good hard look with the biggest magnifying glass you can find turned on YOURSELF. Search your own heart deeply. Don't even think about what all THEY did, but what all YOU did. What can you do differently now in your new life? How can you apply ALL the lessons you have learned to your new existence? How can you use this experience to make you better and the lives of those around you better? What do you now want to take into a new relationship you might eventually get involved in? What are the new standards you want? Ask yourself all the hard questions. Then, be determined to move on with all that life has to offer you. And if you look hard enough, you will discover the universe is waiting to give you all that you want or could ever need. Start looking!!
Saturday, July 12, 2014
Life after death
I have discovered many people who have read my blog. It is always interesting and exciting to find out who reads it and keeps up with me. I'm sure I would probably be really surprised to learn just who all reads it.
I have found that a BIG number of teenagers read it. I don't think I ever realized that my story would impact a teenager. I've always had the desire to reach out and help women. But, I am open to helping teens. It saddens me at the amount of them that self-harm and struggle with suicidal thoughts.
Ya know, I have a real issue with attention seekers when it comes to suicide. I don't think it is funny in any way whatsoever. The people I try to reach are the ones who would never tell a soul. The ones who suffer in silence and are out of hope and are in complete desperation. The ones who are at the end of their rope and only just want to end their pain, not their lives.
I know that there are so many people out there who just don't "get" suicidal people at all. I really try to understand their perspective, but it is difficult for me to do. I think it is kind of like the super skinny girl you love to hate. She just eats whatever she wants and just continues to look awesome. She ages and still doesn't gain a pound. How does she do it? She was born with good genes. That girl will probably NEVER struggle with her weight and she will NEVER understand people that struggle with their weight.
I guess that is how people who never really contemplate suicide are when faced with a friend or loved one who has attempted it. I wish I could sit here and say I don't struggle with it anymore. I know that is what people want to hear, but it just isn't that easy. I think often of that day. I sometimes get angry with God for allowing me to live. I know it is a selfish thought, so please don't judge. I would never attempt it again because the pain would be way too great for the people close to me in my life. I am in a much, much better place emotionally and no longer deal with severe depression.
My life after my near death is so different. I'm better in so many ways. I truly believe that the old me died and this new me rose to life. But finding yourself after cancer, infidelity, divorce can be difficult. I am so strong and so very confident in many, many areas of my life. But then there are those places where I am definitely not. Sometimes, I am afraid. I mean, after having another human being take care of you financially for close to twenty years and then having to go it alone, it is quite frightening at times.
My current struggle is my overwhelming desire to never hurt another soul in the way that I have been hurt. But I am afraid it is way out of balance. Sometimes it feels like I would rather destroy and end a relationship before I would be willing to risk hurting someone. It's when I feel these type feelings that I realize the damage that has been done to me emotionally. It's just not a walk in the park. Unless you've been through it yourself, I don't think there is any way to describe what it is like to discover someone you loved with all of your heart for a very long time led a double life. To me, it is just the ultimate betrayal. I would NEVER, EVER under any circumstance want to inflict this kind of pain on anyone else and me be the cause of it...EVER.
I know time heals all wounds and I hope to get better every day. I usually post uplifting stuff and usually after I've gotten through days like today. But, I decided that maybe there are people out there struggling with some of the same things and they need to know this side of it. It helps when you know you aren't alone.
The mind can be a wonderful place, but it can be a terrifying place as well. Tonight I just thought...what the hell, let me just blog about it and get it off my chest. Blogging has been therapy for me for quite some time and who knows, maybe this was meant for a specific person. If so, know you are NOT alone in your struggle.
I have found that a BIG number of teenagers read it. I don't think I ever realized that my story would impact a teenager. I've always had the desire to reach out and help women. But, I am open to helping teens. It saddens me at the amount of them that self-harm and struggle with suicidal thoughts.
Ya know, I have a real issue with attention seekers when it comes to suicide. I don't think it is funny in any way whatsoever. The people I try to reach are the ones who would never tell a soul. The ones who suffer in silence and are out of hope and are in complete desperation. The ones who are at the end of their rope and only just want to end their pain, not their lives.
I know that there are so many people out there who just don't "get" suicidal people at all. I really try to understand their perspective, but it is difficult for me to do. I think it is kind of like the super skinny girl you love to hate. She just eats whatever she wants and just continues to look awesome. She ages and still doesn't gain a pound. How does she do it? She was born with good genes. That girl will probably NEVER struggle with her weight and she will NEVER understand people that struggle with their weight.
I guess that is how people who never really contemplate suicide are when faced with a friend or loved one who has attempted it. I wish I could sit here and say I don't struggle with it anymore. I know that is what people want to hear, but it just isn't that easy. I think often of that day. I sometimes get angry with God for allowing me to live. I know it is a selfish thought, so please don't judge. I would never attempt it again because the pain would be way too great for the people close to me in my life. I am in a much, much better place emotionally and no longer deal with severe depression.
My life after my near death is so different. I'm better in so many ways. I truly believe that the old me died and this new me rose to life. But finding yourself after cancer, infidelity, divorce can be difficult. I am so strong and so very confident in many, many areas of my life. But then there are those places where I am definitely not. Sometimes, I am afraid. I mean, after having another human being take care of you financially for close to twenty years and then having to go it alone, it is quite frightening at times.
My current struggle is my overwhelming desire to never hurt another soul in the way that I have been hurt. But I am afraid it is way out of balance. Sometimes it feels like I would rather destroy and end a relationship before I would be willing to risk hurting someone. It's when I feel these type feelings that I realize the damage that has been done to me emotionally. It's just not a walk in the park. Unless you've been through it yourself, I don't think there is any way to describe what it is like to discover someone you loved with all of your heart for a very long time led a double life. To me, it is just the ultimate betrayal. I would NEVER, EVER under any circumstance want to inflict this kind of pain on anyone else and me be the cause of it...EVER.
I know time heals all wounds and I hope to get better every day. I usually post uplifting stuff and usually after I've gotten through days like today. But, I decided that maybe there are people out there struggling with some of the same things and they need to know this side of it. It helps when you know you aren't alone.
The mind can be a wonderful place, but it can be a terrifying place as well. Tonight I just thought...what the hell, let me just blog about it and get it off my chest. Blogging has been therapy for me for quite some time and who knows, maybe this was meant for a specific person. If so, know you are NOT alone in your struggle.
Thursday, June 19, 2014
LIfe in Texas
Well, life has just been absolutely wonderful since I got back. I've been going about a million miles an hour traveling to meet new friends and old and family and I'm still not done. It feels good. It feels nice and it feels completely, 100% right.
One thing I have done for a very, very long time is allow myself to believe that my intuition was off. I believed it because I spent close to twenty years, allowing someone else to tell me my gut feelings weren't actually my gut feelings, but rather me being judgmental or seeing the worst in them. Although it is refreshing to discover that ALL those gut feelings were dead on, I have to relearn now to trust my instincts.
Yesterday, I had the opportunity to do so and it ROCKED!! One thing I know I have to do is go with my gut. It's funny, your gut can cause you so much pain and grief, yet it can be the compass for your life. We can listen to it or ignore it, but the choice is completely up to us. If we ignore it, it will then be up to us to take full responsibility for any consequences that follow.
I think so many of us actually have a very strong intuition, but we don't realize it for the gift that it is and we take for granted what an amazing gift it is. It is something we can develop and grow with time.
If I would have listened to what my gut was telling me a very long time ago, I have absolutely no doubt in my mind whatsoever that my life and the lives of my children would have turned out very, very different. I do believe that everything happens for a reason. So, in light of that, I think that I have learned some very valuable lessons and that I now just have to take those lessons and use them moving forward.
You might be reading this and think to yourself that your own gut is screaming some stuff at you. Telling you to PAY ATTENTION. Well, listen to it. What I can say is that as women, we are NOT stupid. If you feel like something isn't right, it probably isn't. Listen to it. Don't let anyone else make you feel like you don't know what you are talking about. Someone told me once that you should really be afraid of anyone who makes you doubt your doubts.
I finally have started writing my book about my life from the time I was three until....???? I just finished chapter four! It is exciting, but way more emotional than I ever thought possible. I can't wait to share it with you!
Oh, and one more thing...this Texas heat is SO DARN HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One thing I have done for a very, very long time is allow myself to believe that my intuition was off. I believed it because I spent close to twenty years, allowing someone else to tell me my gut feelings weren't actually my gut feelings, but rather me being judgmental or seeing the worst in them. Although it is refreshing to discover that ALL those gut feelings were dead on, I have to relearn now to trust my instincts.
Yesterday, I had the opportunity to do so and it ROCKED!! One thing I know I have to do is go with my gut. It's funny, your gut can cause you so much pain and grief, yet it can be the compass for your life. We can listen to it or ignore it, but the choice is completely up to us. If we ignore it, it will then be up to us to take full responsibility for any consequences that follow.
I think so many of us actually have a very strong intuition, but we don't realize it for the gift that it is and we take for granted what an amazing gift it is. It is something we can develop and grow with time.
If I would have listened to what my gut was telling me a very long time ago, I have absolutely no doubt in my mind whatsoever that my life and the lives of my children would have turned out very, very different. I do believe that everything happens for a reason. So, in light of that, I think that I have learned some very valuable lessons and that I now just have to take those lessons and use them moving forward.
You might be reading this and think to yourself that your own gut is screaming some stuff at you. Telling you to PAY ATTENTION. Well, listen to it. What I can say is that as women, we are NOT stupid. If you feel like something isn't right, it probably isn't. Listen to it. Don't let anyone else make you feel like you don't know what you are talking about. Someone told me once that you should really be afraid of anyone who makes you doubt your doubts.
I finally have started writing my book about my life from the time I was three until....???? I just finished chapter four! It is exciting, but way more emotional than I ever thought possible. I can't wait to share it with you!
Oh, and one more thing...this Texas heat is SO DARN HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, May 31, 2014
When hell freezes over, and only then.
That will be the exact moment I trust men again. I am not even sure I have a desire to even "want" to trust them again. You know me, I am just telling you like it is. Why sit here and try to sugar coat anything? I'm not even trying to trust them. You may be thinking to yourself, this sounds sad or harsh or maybe you are worried or concerned about me.
Well, you all know what I have been through with men. I'm sure you understand on some level where I am at. I do trust my brother, a wonderful pastor here in Georgia who I have known for a very long time, and my best friend's husband. If I had even a sliver of hope that one day I would be able to trust men again, it all went out the window when a married, lead pastor contacted me recently out of the complete blue and told me he has been attracted to me for years and has dreamt of having sex with me. Yep, that just happened. Mind you, I have talked to this man ONCE on the phone shortly after I left Texas and the conversation was ministry related.
Not only that, this person knows what I have been through and endured. Knows fully the hurt that has happened in my life as a direct result of men and men in leadership. So, to say that I am hurt, angry, very confused, sad, afraid, furious, that would all be a tremendous understatement. I sometimes feel like the walking dead when it comes to the open wounds I have. I feel like my skin can barely contain them.
But, I can tell you this my friends, I am indeed a survivor. I have survived more things than most of my close friends will endure combined in their lifetimes. If I can overcome the things that I have overcome and still be standing, I can beat this too. I have been through far too much to give up now. When this happened, it was the second of three very serious negative events that took place in my life in a 24 hour period.
I realized how very far I have come since waking up alive in that hospital bed in January, 2013. Here I am off of ALL my medications. And, I did it. I have to admit that I was going to a job the day after the pastor incident and I cried all the way there. I told God, he must not EVER want me to be with a man again after this. I cried out to him and got through it. After my job that day, I was talking to my oldest daughter later in the afternoon and I told her that even though these three big things had just happened, I felt empowered. I used it as fuel for my journey in healing and discovery of who "Kelley" really is. I actually felt on top of the world because I came to realize that depression is no longer kicking my ass, but I am kicking its ass!!
WHEW!!! That was an incredible feeling. So, I leave you with this thought...
"Thoughts are like steps. They will take you to a destination. Where is it that you would like to go?" ~Kelley McElreath
You may wonder how I reconcile all of this. Well, I know I trust me. And for now, I have to be happy and content with that. I can tell you this, since my husband walked out that door never to return, there has only been a very rare occasion that I have wavered in my trust in the Lord. He has taken such wonderful, wonderful care of me and the girls. So, one thing I know for sure is that we make a hell of a good team. I think I'll be keeping HIM around for a long, long time. :-)
Well, you all know what I have been through with men. I'm sure you understand on some level where I am at. I do trust my brother, a wonderful pastor here in Georgia who I have known for a very long time, and my best friend's husband. If I had even a sliver of hope that one day I would be able to trust men again, it all went out the window when a married, lead pastor contacted me recently out of the complete blue and told me he has been attracted to me for years and has dreamt of having sex with me. Yep, that just happened. Mind you, I have talked to this man ONCE on the phone shortly after I left Texas and the conversation was ministry related.
Not only that, this person knows what I have been through and endured. Knows fully the hurt that has happened in my life as a direct result of men and men in leadership. So, to say that I am hurt, angry, very confused, sad, afraid, furious, that would all be a tremendous understatement. I sometimes feel like the walking dead when it comes to the open wounds I have. I feel like my skin can barely contain them.
But, I can tell you this my friends, I am indeed a survivor. I have survived more things than most of my close friends will endure combined in their lifetimes. If I can overcome the things that I have overcome and still be standing, I can beat this too. I have been through far too much to give up now. When this happened, it was the second of three very serious negative events that took place in my life in a 24 hour period.
I realized how very far I have come since waking up alive in that hospital bed in January, 2013. Here I am off of ALL my medications. And, I did it. I have to admit that I was going to a job the day after the pastor incident and I cried all the way there. I told God, he must not EVER want me to be with a man again after this. I cried out to him and got through it. After my job that day, I was talking to my oldest daughter later in the afternoon and I told her that even though these three big things had just happened, I felt empowered. I used it as fuel for my journey in healing and discovery of who "Kelley" really is. I actually felt on top of the world because I came to realize that depression is no longer kicking my ass, but I am kicking its ass!!
WHEW!!! That was an incredible feeling. So, I leave you with this thought...
"Thoughts are like steps. They will take you to a destination. Where is it that you would like to go?" ~Kelley McElreath
You may wonder how I reconcile all of this. Well, I know I trust me. And for now, I have to be happy and content with that. I can tell you this, since my husband walked out that door never to return, there has only been a very rare occasion that I have wavered in my trust in the Lord. He has taken such wonderful, wonderful care of me and the girls. So, one thing I know for sure is that we make a hell of a good team. I think I'll be keeping HIM around for a long, long time. :-)
Sunday, May 18, 2014
"Buy a pair, save a pair!!"
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I'm selling hand-painted, personalized (by ME), cancer survivor canvas shoes!! These are mine. With every pair you buy, some of the proceeds will go to help fund my "Sewing for Tata's" gown ministry.
I believe that NO woman should have to be diagnosed with cancer and wear a dingy, worn out gown to any hospital or doctor's appointment. She should be GIVEN a gown to wear that is nice and makes her feel pretty in spite of what she is enduring. You can read more about that ministry here...Sewing for Tata's.
A pair like these are $50.00 plus shipping and handling cost of $9.95 priority mail. This price is only good through the end of June. More styles to come as I build the business.
You can contact me at kelley@feelthetatas.com to place your order and this type shoe comes in sizes 6/7, 7/8, 9/10. If I can't find this kind in your size the cost of the shoe will be $25.00 more or possibly less if I find them cheaper. OR, you could buy them and mail them to me.
Kelley
Friday, May 2, 2014
The journey back home to Texas
My oldest was accepted to Georgia State. I have been wanting to get back to Texas, but since she was accepted I just decided that I should wait until she got through with college. My youngest lives with her dad. As we started filling out FAFSA forms, going to orientations, visiting the school, etc it just never seemed like that was where she would go. I never mentioned this to her because I wanted to give her my full support.
We went to the BIG on campus orientation and when we got there, there was a panel of students answering questions from new students. One of the students on the panel said that his favorite quote was, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." Before the event was even half way over, my daughter told me she was ready to go because she didn't want to miss the shot of going back to Texas. This just confirmed to me that we were supposed to come home.
I grew up in Texas. My older brother and older sister live in Texas. I have an adopted family in Oklahoma and they are a HUGE part of my life. I just can't see myself going the rest of my life being this far from those people. AND, I have lots of friends in Texas!! As soon as we made the decision, God just started opening doors.
We are just following God's lead. It's funny because I am a real planner and very organized. But, when it comes to major moves, I am just lead by the holy spirit, period. We moved from Oklahoma to Seattle, WA without a place to move into when we got there. People thought we were crazy to do that, but God was in it and everything worked out beautifully. We did the same thing, moving from Washington to Georgia. When we moved from Georgia back to Texas the first time, Deryl didn't even have a confirmed job offer! But, each and every single time, God worked everything out.
This time is different because it will just be me and my oldest. I am single now and have to do it all on my own. BUT, I still have God, and he ALWAYS has my back...period. My daughter will stay with my ex sister-in-law. We will be traveling to East Texas to see my sister and to Oklahoma to see our adopted family there. Honestly, when I am not traveling, I have no idea where I will stay.
I am not positive about the city I want to live in yet. I have my own business and can pretty much live wherever I want to. I'm leaning towards McKinney or that vicinity right now so I won't be too far from Oklahoma as I know I will be there often. I am praying God opens the door for me to find someone who has an extra room with a separate entrance or something like that to live during the summer when I am not traveling. Maybe I'll just stay at an extended stay. I work from home so that makes things easy.
When making BIG life changing decisions, I try to be led by my peace and by what feels right. Staying in Georgia doesn't feel right at all. I know God is calling me back to Texas. There are a LOT of details that I just haven't figured out yet. But, I know God is in the details and I trust HIM. So far, as I hand over all my cares and concerns to The Lord, everything has worked itself out. So, we will be heading to Texas on June 4th. I have business in Dallas, so that will take up some of my time in June. But, we are both very excited to see what God has in store for us.
Please pray for wisdom, guidance, provision and for God to provide the perfect place for me to live until I figure out where I want to plant my feet. My daughter will also need guidance and provision to start college in Texas.
Can't wait to see you all!!!! I also can't wait to meet some of my Texas blogger followers and Facebook friends that I haven't met yet!! Let the journey begin!!
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