Monday, November 29, 2010


Which mask will you be wearing today?

I just love this picture. It makes me think about how maybe we are our True Selves when we are sleeping. And whether we realize it or not, we do exactly what the guy in the picture is doing each and every day. 

I was part of a church for a while that was full of masks. It was very "clickish" and believe me, you weren't getting inside that click no matter how hard you tried. I love my church now. I have never been a part of a body of believers that were so genuine and so real! At any other church I have EVER attended you would keep it a secret if you drank occasionally, if you smoked, you wouldn't dare tell a soul. And OMG.....if you cussed, you were for sure going to hell! My goodness, for that matter we were told we were going to hell for reading a book that Oprah approved of!! 

I have always been a "real" person. The kind of person that "what you see is what you get". But after years of living in a traditional church setting, I too put on that mask. I was so afraid that if someone new my past, they would never speak to me again. So I had to pretend with the best of them. But when I was diagnosed with cancer back in April. It was so easy to just open up and be really, really REAL. It was like, ya know....I could die. In the grand scheme of things, do I really care what anyone else thinks? Of course not! I started this blog and have been as real as I can possibly be. For months this is how I felt and my actions followed.

But after my last chemo treatment, I realized that when I talked to certain people, I wasn't sharing how I was really feeling. About three weeks after my last treatment, I spent about 6 - 8 weeks being completely NOT myself. I didn't know what in the heck was happening to me. I was extremely sad yet I couldn't shed a tear. I was just numb. I was tired of dealing with all this cancer junk. It has been a long hard year! During this time I was saddened to realize that I was back to putting on different masks. One mask for church, one mask for home, one mask for family, one mask for certain friends, one mask for work, one mask for __________________. You can just fill in the blank. 

After going through this entire ordeal this year, I have gone through some changes. Not just physically but spiritually and emotionally as well. I am a completely different person in so many ways. One of the biggest changes is that I see people SO differently. EVERY SINGLE PERSON HAS A STORY! And who am I to judge a single soul? You have NO idea what people are going through. Anyway, I'm tired of the masks, aren't you? I just want to be me!! That is when I am the happiest. I want to be my TRUE SELF at all times.

True Self: The true self is the center of consciousness out of which spring love, inspiration, compassion, conscience, even illumination. Before we can harmonize what we do with who we are, we need to get reacquainted with ourselves. We need to take the time to align our actions with our deepest values so we don’t continue to create internal conflict. It is your deep and natural core before you were socialized to be something different.  It’s unpretentious and following it will lead to your most authentic joy and happiness.

So be conscious of your "masks" yourself, have fun, enjoy each moment because the only time we are promised is this very moment right now! 

1 comment:

  1. So, so true. You have a way of writing that just makes everything so crystal clear! Thank you for being so open! I think that a troubled past makes us an even more beautiful creature when we finally turn back to God and get close to Him! Hope to see you soon at church :) (((hugs)))