Wednesday, August 18, 2010

The New Normal

Kelley says............

I have just been in the strangest state of mind for the last two days. I know I need to cut myself some slack. It has been pretty consistent about 5 or so days after each treatment I am just not myself emotionally or otherwise. I think as I get closer to the end of my treatment and I realize that the same problems I had before being diagnosed are still problems and issues waiting to be figured out and handled just seems so overwhelming. I just can't believe that next month is September and before you know it, Christmas will have passed and we'll be onto a new year.

I've done so good lately and been in such a wonderful state of mind that it bothers me to be back in somewhat of an emotional upheaval. And I must admit that as more and more people, even strangers are reading our blog now I find myself wanting to hold back because I want this to be a place of inspiration. But one thing I am is very raw, real and honest. I just can't be any other way. What you see is just what you get. I want people to get that as people, we just aren't perfect and never will be. And anyone who you wish you could be like or have what they have, have their own mess of problems that you don't even know about. 

Life can be really, really hard. And we have to think back on how we got to where we are right now. Everything does turn out okay or you wouldn't be here right now! I have to keep telling myself that. I know something that I have been catching myself doing is projecting things into the future. I have to make a conscious effort to focus on "right now". Right now I am alive, I am getting better, I have a wonderful husband and family, I am going to live, it actually rained today and might be a little bit cooler now! So many things to be thankful for. 

I think the enemy wants nothing more than for us to be caught up in the past or worrying ourselves sick about the future. All the while we miss what we have right in front of us. One thing I know for sure is that even on the really bad days when it seems like you are barely keeping it all together, just keep pressing on because they never last too long. They might seem like forever while you are going through it but before you know it, you'll be back to normal. 

I do wonder what my new normal is going to be like. It is kind of scary and yet kind of exciting all at the same time. I want so much for my new life. I want to make a difference in the lives of other women struggling with breast cancer. I want God to show me which direction to take. I know God saved my life because he has big plans for me. I'm just ready for some of those things to start being revealed to me.

Thanks for reading all my ramblings of today.

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