Thursday, July 29, 2010

Bad Hair Days

Kelley says......

Well, bad hair days have a whole new meaning to me now. I guess every day is a bad hair day since I don't have any! That would be every woman's worst nightmare I guess, to wake up and look in the mirror and not have any hair. 

I don't know how many of you scrapbook or make cards but when I am working on either it really drives me crazy during the creating process. Let's say I am about to work on a scrapbook page. I get all the pictures out that I want to put on that page. Then, I lay them out a million different ways and try to decide what paper I want to use. Then I will try to figure out what layout I am thinking about using. Once I get this part figured out, that is only the beginning!! Then I have to decide how to bring it all together which is definitely the most frustrating part for me. Just something about it won't look right. I'll play around with it over and over and then suddenly I'll think of just the right added touches to put on it that makes it look just perfect and I love it!!

It is kind of like getting ready for a special date. You take your shower, put on your pretty lotion, put on your make-up, fix your hair real nice, spray on your favorite perfume and get dressed. When you look in the mirror you just don't look right, something is missing. You realize you have forgotten to put on any jewelry and when you put it on, it adds just the touch you were looking for and you feel amazing. I have been longing for that feeling. Only the finishing touch for me now is a scarf. Oh how I wish it was fixing my hair. I am great at fixing my hair and love doing it. It used to take me a long time to blow dry, curl or flat iron my hair but I never, ever complained about it. I really enjoyed it.

I just don't feel complete. Yesterday was just a sad day for me. I don't say any of this for anyone to feel sorry for me in ANY way whatsoever. I just always want to be real with how I am feeling so when women who come to my blog in the future who are going through or are about to go through this journey, they can get a real glimpse into what it is truly like. I am okay without having my hair. I guess as okay as anyone can be. I mean, it just is what it is and there is nothing I can do about it but choose the attitude I have about it. I refuse to sit around and feel sorry for myself. But at the most random times I see myself in a reflection and it bothers me. For some reason, when I see a glimpse of myself on accident it is just a reminder of what I am going through and how it still sometimes feels like a dream that I so wish I could awaken from. 

I want to feel pretty again. I know my hair doesn't define me so please don't take any of this wrong. This is just how I am feeling at this moment. I am a confident person the majority of the time! Anyway, it just amazes me how we get attached to things that are just "things". Hair will come back, my energy will come back, my normal taste buds will come back, heck....I'm even gonna get my boobs back. I've lost things that have no chance of ever, ever returning to me. So, I guess I will be thankful for the fact that a lot of what I have lost will return. And one thing I know for sure is that money can't buy the wisdom I have gained from this experience.

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