Joy

Kelley says........................................................Yesterday afternoon, I went to see my family doctor. I had a fever all day and just wasn't feeling well. It ended up not being a big deal at all. I just have an infection and they gave me antibiotics. When I left there I felt happy. On my way to get my prescription filled I felt joyful. When I realized this I realized that it was the first time I had been this happy since finding out I have cancer last Monday. So as I tried to figure out what was making me so happy it dawned on me that I was happy because I had an illness, I went to the doctor, she gave me a prescription and I am going to be fine. I guess it was nice to have something that had a simple solution. No further testing needed! I'm already sick of hearing that one!

Today, I am going away for 24 hours, alone. I started seeing a counselor and she suggested I get away and deal with all the emotional side of what is happening to me. I'm not going to lie, it is scary. I said I can't afford to do this and she asked me, "What if it saved your life?" Well, I guess I better figure it out then! I know I need to do this. But it is so much easier to leave this junk tucked nicely away down in the depths of my soul. I did a retreat 2 years ago that was wonderful but it isn't something you want to do on a regular basis!! It is hard, hard work. It is also much easier to keep yourself occupied and surrounded by friends so those kind of emotions don't even rear their ugly head. I guess it is much better to deal with this now and get it over with. I know these emotions are there. Didn't really know it until Monday afternoon I was on my way to pick up Heather. I felt this sudden urge to slam my fist on my steering wheel and scream "I want my life back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" So yeah, guess some anger is obviously there!

So, if you think of me today, say a prayer that whatever work God wants to do, it will be accomplished 100%!!