Noticing

Kelley says.................................................

Well, it has been a good weekend I think. Saturday night we went to a get together with a lot of Life-Coaches. That always brings my energy level way up so that was good. It was nice to do something that made me feel normal. To go somewhere and be myself instead of this person with cancer. 

I only had about 3 hours of sleep the night before and after we were there about 2 hours I started to feel another crying spell coming on. So we quickly said our goodbyes and I didn't even make it to the car before a huge ocean came pouring out of my eyes. Deryl was so wonderful and strong and just let me get it all out. I didn't say much. Besides, if I would have, it wouldn't have made any sense and I would have looked ridiculous trying to talk at that moment. I came home and took some Ambien and went to sleep at around 8:30 and slept until 6:30 the next morning. It is amazing how getting a good nights sleep makes you so much more emotionally stable!

Sunday, we went to church. We were scheduled to greet and don't think we greeted one person. But that is because everyone was talking to us and hugging our necks. I love my church family. People are so genuine and it is obvious that they care for us deeply. And we do them. Again, it was great to just be at my church and feel normal. 

Sunday evening we went and met my mother-in-law for dinner. That was really nice. She is a crier, but she did a great job of keeping it together. I know the girls enjoyed spending time with her too.

I have noticed different things I have done unconsciously since being diagnosed. One thing is that I know the exact time things happen. Even totally random things.  I get nervous when I feel a random pain that this has spread to somewhere else or maybe it was already there. Sometimes I talk and talk and talk and Deryl just listens to me and allows me to do that. Other times I have nothing to say at all. I am thinking of ways I can enjoy life. Last night I played a Wii dancing game with Deryl & Rachel and laughed a lot. I find myself staring at Deryl and the girls when they aren't looking. I want to study their faces, look at the texture of their skin, every facial feature, their hair and the color and how it lays on their faces. I look at their profile and think of how lucky I am. And then I wish I would have started doing this a long, long time ago. I hope after reading this you will "Notice" some things about someone you love. You might discover that you notice something but it has been there all along.